At a cross roads in relationship

While I wouldn’t be unkind as to say I’m wondering why all your partners cheat on you, I will say that abusers bullies always pick on the vunerable, loving to dominate etc, you are worth so much more than this op, and I wouldn’t be leaving my dog with him

It is worth reading a book called, "Women who love too much." It can be an eye opener to a person who is usually giving too much and misreading the signals that the person they are giving too is not worthy of their kindness.

You deserve far more than this selfish, manipulative, abusive guy is prepared to give. You don’t have to live like this. He doesn’t own you. I suggest you end this relationship. Ask yourself what you’re getting out of it.

I wold definitely get a male relative to go with you and collect the dog, or better still could you suggest you have Covid and send the male along. You could then have any necessary conversation on the phone. I do wish you all the best you really don't need to put up with his behaviour.

There are more red flags than you'd see in a Communist party rally
It doesn't sound like this man has any redeeming virtues, but even if you can think of one, look at what you've written, honestly, get your dog somehow, and cut him off completely
Maybe take the dog for a walk, get into a relative's car round the corner and just go. Leave a suitcase with some old clothes in it so he doesn't suspect until you just don't come back.
Abusers commonly try and separate you from your family and friends
The only common denominator with the men who have cheated on you is that they have no morals, they knew you wouldn't suspect an
When you get your dog back and have blocked him make sure that if he tries to contact you any other ways you ask for police help to stop him harrassing you
When you're settled with your dog do consider doing the freedom programme, it can be very helpful to learn all the subtle red flags to help you recognise them if you meet someone else
And read Chumplady's website, lots of people who've been cheated on, everyone's story of what the cheater did is oh so similar, the only common denominator is the entitled behaviour of the cheater

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It s easier for some people to be firm and harder and think of themselves more than it is for others it doesn’t make Mattsmum a lesser person

I agree with most on here you need to stay away from him and stop contacting him and sadly draw a line under it He’s not necessarily a bad man but he s not for you, you are too giving and loving he sounds as if he is more selfish and lacking empathy and not someone you need in your life

However you are giving mixed messages, to ring to tell him you’re lonely is pulling him back into your life I should imagine he’s as muddled about the relationship as your are

I wouldn’t send your son for the dog your partner has already got big problems with your son and that would be red rag to a bull do you have a male relation or friend that could get it preferably two ( one as a witness) in case he kicks off although you say he’s not a violent man

Please stay single after you get out you do NOT need a man to make you whole and you are better off without Give your love to your dog, family any grandkids you may have, or when you retire do voluntary work with less fortunate people you can use your love and care and giving in much better ways

If I was living with a man and he wanted to bring his adult child to live with us the answer would be a resounding NO from me. If I had been selfish enough to choose a lifestyle with children I would expect them to stand on their own feet once they became adults and not come crawling back. So I can undertand his feelings about having another (failed) adult in the house who was no relation to him. Especially if they were untidy and messy. When you are an adult couple you dont want boomerang kids spoiling the dynamic.

I ended one long term relationship for a similar reason.

Im assuming that *Mattsmum would have sorted her problem by now. She posted this problem in 2022

petra

*Im assuming that Mattsmum would have sorted her problem by now. *She posted this problem in 2022*

I was just about to say the same thing!

However, I would love to know the next part of the story.

Oh slapped hand, do remember to look at the date ….dah I get so involved with the problem I don’t think to look
Note to self be more aware
So it was opened by a advert dah and there I was worrying about the poster

Hi Mattsmum ,
I'm sorry to write this , but I really don't like the sound of this man .
No doubt it was all sunshine and roses at first , but he charged you rent on a house that you helped renovate .
Your son makes a mess in the kitchen and he is so angry that the Police are called .
He's ill , maybe not feeling great , but you are running after him with gifts and surprises .
He calls you selfish and rings off .

Life with him is going to be like walking on eggshells ... constantly pandering to him , giving in to emotional blackmail and an everlasting guilt trip .

Please tell him goodbye forever and why if he persists and change your mobile number if needs be .

I've gone through this .
Last time to a man described to me by my friend as a perfect gentleman :
I found him to be a brilliant actor , an incredible liar , frighteningly bad tempered and an alcoholic .
The day that he waited until a restaurant emptied to begin a tirade against me ( over his impotence due to his diabetes and alcoholism ) and actually assaulted me was the day that I decided to say goodbye .
Eventually , after more abuse he gave up calling me .

Esmay she’s not listening LOOK AT THE DATE.

I wonder what happened in the end two years ago? I wish OPs came back to let us know wherher they followed advice given or not.

Hi Petra ,
Thanks -
I just noticed the date after I sent it !
Why do these old posts still come up ?
Admittedly , I wasn't wearing my glasses !
Let's hope that she did the right thing .

Esmay, it was resurrected by a spammer! You need to get up early to get one over some grans! 😂

How do you ressurect old posts ?

These time wasters used to make horrible 'phone calls and write poison pen letters to get a kick .

Years ago , we had a neighbour , who 'phoned my mother and call her a whore , who slept with every man she met .
She used to cackle with laughter .
Eventually , her ever -pleasant , ever -suffering husband told Mum that it was his wife .
And yes , she was mentally compromised .

It is annoying when the OP doesn't let us know what she decided .
I wonder if she didn't return to him .