children discouraged to kiss grandparents

Think there is another thread on this - "Oh dear, another expert."

Somebody was reading the Mail earlier than me then, Ariadne. I don't normally click on threads about 'experts'!

Hmmmmm - got me thinking! Must admit what I do not like - and have seen it on several occasions is parents demanding of a young child that they 'Kiss and hug' a friend or relative upon meeting or departing when the child is quite obviously reticent. An unprompted affectionate greeting by anyone is a delight (I'm not talking about what goes on behind closed doors and called 'our little secret'. Children should be allowed to be comfortable in how they show affection, what is natural and comfortable for one child could seem over the top to another. Also things change as a child grows and develops their own personality.
My DD will sometime remind her children that, as they are leaving now, would they like to say goodbye and give Grandma a 'Kisscuddle'....this is nearly always followed by a mad dash at me and some pretty ferocious cuddling, it is their natural and heartfelt response to saying goodbye and I respond similarly. I would never demand it and know my daughter and her husband will just smile wryly if does not happen (its usually more to do with them showing their dislike of going home (its a bit of a journey and I do rather let them make a complete mess of the place with crafts, toys etc, whilst they are staying.

My father told me that he would hide when elderly relations were leaving, so that he wouldn't have to kiss whiskery old aunts. I hated it too, and actually still dislike mwah mwah between friends and relations When did it become fashionable?
Anyway, I don't make my grandchildren kiss me. A hug is quite enough

Lucy , I think you need to BLUE it !
Anyway what a truly ridiculous article !

All I know about kissing babies is that my daughter likes to tease me and say "Who did you allow to kiss me when I was a baby when they had the herpes virus!?" She suffers with cold sores. Or "coleslaws" as she used to say when she was little.

Difficult subject isn't it? But has made me think a bit more than usual, as perhaps I shouldn't be such an enthusiastic hugger. Much as we like kissing our lovely little grandchildren, it may not be as nice for them. None of my own children like kissing and only one likes a hug.I don't like all the mwah, mwah either, but feel obliged to go along with it as everyone else does it.I think the 'expert' stuff is nonsense by the way, but perhaps we should have a think about not being OTT when saying hello and goodbye.

... but that article is nonsense!

I don't mean don't kiss and hug because of the silly article, but perhaps it is uncomfortable for another reason for the child, you have to gauge their enthusiasm I suppose.

Here everyone kisses everyone, it can take 10 minutes to get around an office in the morning before you start work kissing all and sundry. I get bighuggies from DGS and it is up to him to give them.
I once seriously offended Morrocan friends when they visited with their new baby and i wouldn't kiss him as I had a very very bad cold, they visited unannounced I must add.
When we lived in Portugal all the old men in the village where always wanting to kiss the little girls and we found it very uncomfortable, DD was a cute little blonde and seemed to get a lot of attention. We told her to just laugh and run around as though playing but not get too close. On the other hand they were great babysitters just sitting in the vallage square keeping an eye on everyone !!!!!!!

Never felt I should - I just waited for the hugs and they came because they saw me hug their mother! Some grabs are too. 'Whiskery' too which I suppose is unpleasant!

I meant 'grans' should check!

Guilty!!
I grew up in a family where there was no physical affection and I think I've been making up for it ever since. When our church once decided to offer 'free hugs' to people on the esplanade I was the first to volunteer, in fact I think it was probably my idea. Having so many foreign students the mwah, mwah kiss is usually my standard greeting and all of my foster children have suffered the onslaught of ferocious hugs! Very occasionally I sense that hugs and kisses would be unwelcome and reign myself in, but it's hard.

I must say I am very aware of spreading cold sore germs, DH has been a life long sufferer. GC get hugs and usually a kiss on the forehead or top of their heads.

What kind of kisses does this 'expert' think we give our GC? There's a big difference between a peck on the cheek and a full blown mouth-to-mouth passionate job. My senior GD (now 22) always greets me with a peck on the cheek, as does her younger half sister. Their brother has always been demonstrative and, at the age of 9, still likes a hug and a kiss. The youngest GS, at 6, flings himself at me though his brother is more restrained. It is entirely up to them how they greet me. In France, on holiday, however, DGS was horrified when a French lad whose family we had made friends with, said 'au revoir' with a big kiss on each cheek. DGS literally froze!

What a load of tosh these 'experts' talk. As a family we are huggers rather than kissers and I would reckon that a hug is far more of a 'blurrer of boundaries' than a quick kiss any day, assuming there is even an iota of rationale behind this suggestion.

Still I have never noticed any unwillingness by either grandchild to hug and be hugged and DD, as her niece and nephew launch themselves at her the moment she appears, probably feels that a little less desire for close contact would not be a bad thing

Does anyone use a high five in a family situation, other than when playing a game football or monopoly?

What a load of tosh! Where I live we kiss all the time, 3 each time, on the cheeks. Friends, neighbours, their kids ... and of course our grand-kids when they visit or we go to UK ;)

As Anno says, there is kissing ... and kissing (:

What an abolute load of rubbish this is. Lucy Emmerson is living on another planet if she seriously believes a "high five" will ever take the place of a kiss and a cuddle. My three DGC are all very cuddly and kissy with me and grandad. I can't imagine any one of them being soothed or comforted (or even just feeling loved) by offering them the flat palm of a high five. They have never been encouraged to kiss anyone they don't want to either.

Having said all the above I do distinctly remember being encouraged to kiss a particularly "moley" aunt and a smelly breathed (probably booze) uncle. Yuk !

Our grand-kids love to get up eraly and snuggle up to us in bed - Dog knows what she would make of that ): silly moo.

I am linking this to the original thread from this morning because I think some good responses made there are in danger of getting lost because of this second thread.
www.gransnet.com/forums/grandparenting/1203676-Oh-Dear-Another-Expert
I think the word "expert" exists only in the mind of the DM journalist. I think this is about children having the right to make choices. Lots of children are happy to be kissed and cuddled, but some aren't. I don't think we should lose sight of that.

BTW I agree that the DM article is ridiculous. I would suggest that we don't have enough evidence to judge the original.

Answered this question on the earlier thread.

Of course Mamie- there will come the time where our grand-son may become less keen on kissing and cuddling, perhaps our grand-daughter too (now 7 and 4)- and we will know I hope to read the signs and give them space. I did have a lovely old aunt who had a beard and smelt funny... and I had to kiss her when we visited and didn't atogether enjoy the experience. I was not forced as such, but she was so lovely and even as a young child, I knew she would be sad if I refused... Tante Lucie was lovely really.

Nonu what is Blue it?