Escape from Christmas

i spent christmas on my own last year as it was the first without my partner, neither of us really celebrated christmas, this year i am being forced into spending it with family, well my sons inlaws, there will be 6 children including my two gc and 6-8 adults, my dil is the same as me, not a drinker or into parties and would rather be in her own house with the kids, but she does it for her family and her kids. i know this would be brilliant for a lot of people and i feel a bit guilty saying it but this is just me.

I had my first Christmas alone in 2020 as my planned trip to my daughter's in Scotland couldn't be done on the one day after our 5 day allowance was cut due to the pandemic. I was relieved we had Zoom and I spent time with the family that way. DS and DiL were living abroad so I knew I couldn't see them in person. I was surprised it was less depressing than I'd expected and as others have said I could eat what I liked and watch whatever I wanted on TV. No trying to please everyone. However I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with the family again this year. Seeing my grandson open his presents will be lovely!

After my divorce my grown up kids always came to me for Christmas day but then saw their dad on boxing day. The first year I was going to be alone for boxing day 2 friends kindly invited me to join their families for the day. I had to choose, which was tricky but lovely!

This will be my third Christmas as a widow. The first year, I was still in shock, and I really can't remember much about it, but apparently my son and his partner came to visit me. Last year, I hosted, and my son and his partner brought all the food from M&S. This year I am going to my daughter, who lives in London. But - I don't want them to feel 'obliged' to have me stay with one of them every single year. So, for Christmas 2023, I have decided to go on a solo holiday - have been looking at Just You, and Solosholidays. Quite fancy Switzerland or Austria?

Interestingly, I was speaking to someone yesterday who told me that their entire extended family (about 16 of them) go to Morocco every year over the festive period. They don't celebrate Christmas in any way, just enjoy being abroad in the sun. No presents, no Christmas food to buy - they say they spend as much on the holiday as they would if they celebrated Christmas at home.

1Summer I can relate fully to how you feel. Lost DD 3 years ago and DH 5 months ago. I know I am still struggling with loss of daughter exacerbated by DHs death. My family don't live near me sounless I make an effort and organise a flight I would be on my own. If I wanted to avoid family I would do the organised Continental or UK. I have booked a flight to visit a DS and family who I haven't seen since Covid other than for DHs funeral. They have low key Christmas's.

So unless, not sounless!

Ive always hated Christmas because my beloved grandmother (who meant far more to me than my parents or sibling) died suddenly in December 1979. That year I withdrew completely into myself and since then I have never bothered with Christmas. It all seems such a vulgar corrupt sham to me.

When I was younger I used to deliberately travel to non Christian countries like Morocco, Egypt and India to forget about it and avoid being with my family. Apart from a nephew who does a lot for me I dont buy gifts. I just give him money then he can buy what he likes.

Somehow life goes on.

Nexus say, no thanks?

How about a Christmas cruise maybe on Ambassador cruise ship that have special itinerary for singles etc?

I think I'd opt for one of the uk based places that do all of Christmas, with meals and everything.

I took someone I supported at work for a pre christmas break at butlins, and even curmudgeonly old me enjoyed it a bit.

MShep- have you thought of a 5 day coach holiday over Christmas? A few years ago all my family were working over Xmas and I didn’t want to impose on friends. I don’t mind being on my own but usually I host Christmas so I decided to treat myself and went on a coach holiday to Brighton and it was fantastic with all meals and a variety of entertainment provided. Everyone was friendly and there were a lot of other people on their own. I’m having a year off this year as my hip replacement is ‘imminent’ so we’re all off out for Christmas dinner

1summer, I think I know exactly how you feel, my DH passed away 5 mths ago and I'm already dreading my first Christmas. without him. It was his birthday a few weeks ago and I was a complete mess then so don't know how I'll cope with Christmas. I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays and want to spend the day alone but don't want to upset close family or have them fretting over how I'm doing at home alone when they should be enjoying the day nor do I want to be upset in front of them and ruin their day that way. I also feel the same way about mixing in groups, I find it difficult enough on a one to one basis. My very best wishes to you.

Annanan I helped at Crisis one year too when I was alone and enjoyed it. Very nice co-workers. And I was also a hospital radio DJ for some years and did a show on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Helping with some charity is a very good way to spend Christmas with nice people.

How about a coach trip with Lochs & Glens for Christmas in Scotland. All your food and entertainment included and your bound to find lots of people to chat to or curl up in a corner with a good book while they serve afternoon tea … my cousin and partner have done this trip for a few Christmas’s now and love it !’

Annanan
Couldn’t agree more. The best xmases we had ( as adults)
I started off with Crisis. Then Salvation Army. But the best ones were those arranged by the Quakers
I raved about the day so much that other adult friends started to volunteer.

I had a friend who was in a similar situation and she used to book into a spa (like Champneys) for a few days over Xmas. She said that everyone there were people who didn't want to be on their own and it was ideal as she could mingle if she wanted or she could just relax in the spa on her own. It isn't cheap but sounds very restful.

Maybe get out your fave decorations, put them up at a relaxed pace and remember something special with each one. See others in whatever way appeals. Allow yourself a good cry. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, and it turns out to be good after all, even with your sadness. ?

As a singer, am always busy doing rehearsals and concerts and carols etc during this time , and am a widow , living on my own now. On another thread wrote about my sisters way of getting time alone. , Tell everyone you are going away , lock the door and do your own thing! So I have done a few different things. Have arranged to meet up for a short walk with another friend who lives alone. Have been to family, but did find it very painful in missing my lovely husband so much and trying not to spoil other peoples pleasure. A useful tip is that as a gardener , for many many years I have always gone round my garden at some stage on christmas day and again on new years day. Gets you a little time away from stress and hassle, and writing them all down - or these days taking photos, and if you live in the same place you can look back later at what was there on other years etc. Another time I thought of going away, but as a yorkshire woman was appalled at the high price of the christmas trips and so I decided to stay at home. By my own choice , I just did ordinary things and ate normal meals , loved listening to wonderful Bach Matthew Passion without anyone wrecking it. Then let things settle down and went away for a few days in January and it was peaceful and good offers. Also look out for special offers. There is a lovely restaurant called the Angel at Hetton and generally out of our price range. Because they have people staying for christmas package and another of New year they need to keep the staff on in between those dates , so when my husband was alive we used to go on 27th -30th on special offer . I have done that with another place on my own, and do actually find it less stressful as there are not loads of big family groups there then reminding you even more that you are alone. .In the first couple of years I found it just too painful to go to places we had gone together and looked for places that he had not been so that the reminders were not so painful. Eventually you can go to your special places and be glad to remember your time there together but not for a while. Gransnet and Restless are my places to be able to waffle on and read lots of interesting posts and learn about different things. Today awake in a lot of pain at 5.15am. Dont want to wake neighbours etc , but I can creep around and type making no noise, so it was pitch black and raining outside and I was able to make a drink and look at emails and see what people had to say. Great, not bothering anyone else, you can all read my screed and decide not to if it has no interest or seems like rubbish. It has already served its purpose in allowing me to let off steam a bit , know that you are all out there with generally good and kind wishes and helps you not to feel totally alone mentally even if you are physically. Havent got round to thinking of it this year . We have bonfire night to enjoy first before thinking too far ahead , but think if I am here I shall probably be listening to radio 3 and will see who is around and we can catch up and chat. best wishes and good luck with whatever you decide to do