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Bereavement

My sister died

(29 Posts)
sazz1 Tue 13-Feb-24 21:41:30

My sister died on Saturday in the ICU from pneumonia and heart failure. I expected her to survive as she's been in the ICU twice before and wasn't expected to survive then but she did.
My niece kept inviting me to see her in ICU but I didn't want to go. I haven't heard from my niece since. Our other sister went and her other daughter was there too when she died.
I would really like to say goodbye to her in the Chapel of Rest but don't know how to approach my niece.
Everyone is crying and upset but I just feel numb. I don't have any appetite and keep getting things wrong like putting the salt and vinegar in the fridge, trying to turn the TV off with the electric fire remote etc. I'm not normally like this. Any advice please

BlueBelle Tue 13-Feb-24 21:49:36

No real advice Sazzy but you are in shock and confused and
I just wanted to send you a virtual hug
I hope you can visit you sister to say good bye

PestyOne Tue 13-Feb-24 21:57:58

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm sure that your niece would love to have your support & hugs - just ring her my dear.
Sending you love and hugs too 😘

Desdemona Tue 13-Feb-24 22:16:45

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. xxx

Luckygirl3 Tue 13-Feb-24 22:24:18

I am sorry to hear this and send condolences.

Knittynatter Tue 13-Feb-24 22:37:28

Sending hugs.
Could you contact the undertaker directly to arrange to see your sister?

grannyactivist Tue 13-Feb-24 23:02:34

I’m sorry for your loss.

I had a complicated relationship with my sister before she died three years ago, but I still miss her and grieve for her.

Please call your niece and tell her how you feel; maybe tell her how sorry you are that you didn’t go to see your sister and that you really thought she would get better.

Marthjolly1 Tue 13-Feb-24 23:28:22

I am so sorry to hear you have lost your sister. That is hard to bear. I hope your neice will understand and help you to visit your sister so you can say goodbye. I'm sure she will appreciate how you are feeling.

sukie Wed 14-Feb-24 01:27:42

sazzl I am sorry for your loss. As others have said, call your niece, it will help with how you're feeling. The next few days and weeks will be hard. Be kind to yourself. flowers

M0nica Wed 14-Feb-24 15:54:18

OH Sazzi, my deepest sympathy. Call your niece, that is imperative, I am sure she will understand.

My sister died suddenly when I was in my mid-40s, I did exactly the things you are doing - and continued like that for 6 months, so your behaviour is perfectly normal. mentally I used to describe my brain being as if I was walking through treacle.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 14-Feb-24 16:29:26

I’m so very sorry. I hope you will be able to talk to your niece and go to the Chapel of Rest to say goodbye. My sincere condolences. 💐

nanaK54 Wed 14-Feb-24 17:40:14

Just adding my kindest thoughts flowers

Ziplok Wed 14-Feb-24 17:57:40

Sending you condolences sazz1. You are in shock. We all deal with difficult events in our own way, but if you can, call your niece to explain that you would like to go to The Chapel of Rest to say goodbye. I’m sure you’re finding contacting her hard to do, and I’m guessing that you are feeling bad about not going to see your sister in the ICU. However, you were thinking she would pull through, and also, not everyone can cope with seeing loved ones in IC- we are all different. I’m sure that your niece will be pleased to hear from you, and will understand, but perhaps will feel hurt and bewildered if you don’t contact her.
Sending you a hug 💐.

Serendipity22 Wed 14-Feb-24 19:12:51

We all react in different ways and no one should be judgemental on each others approach, I would certainly contact my niece be it letter, face to face or phone call and explain everything. Maybe your niece is mixed up about your feelings, and not forgetting the girl will be broken, lost and grief stricken too.

Thoughts with you.
💐

crazyH Wed 14-Feb-24 19:23:10

Condolences sazz1 flowers

Bella23 Wed 14-Feb-24 19:35:21

Phone your niece and say you would like to go to the chapel of rest. So sorry for your loss.flowers

Winniewit Wed 14-Feb-24 20:17:59

I'm so sorry for you Sazzy.
You must feel really shocked and numb. Give yourself time to grieve. We all grieve in different ways. You're in my thoughts.

Whiff Thu 15-Feb-24 06:33:19

My heart felt condolences to you and all the family. As I don't have a sister I can't advise you as I only talk about things I experience. But your niece knows you loved your sister very much. 💐

sazz1 Sun 18-Feb-24 11:57:57

Thank you everyone for the replies. My niece sent me a short text message with the date and time of the funeral but not where or which church. I think she's obviously still very upset about losing her mum so I'm going to ring her later this week.

nanna8 Sun 18-Feb-24 12:19:13

Yes definitely ring her sazzl It is so hard for you all just now and she will have just forgotten to tell you where the funeral is. You know how it is when grief hits, you forget stuff and don’t sleep too well. Hope you can make your peace. 💐

Whiff Tue 20-Feb-24 19:23:25

sazzl hope you found more details of your sister's funeral. 💐

PamelaJ1 Tue 20-Feb-24 21:03:25

Have you rung her yet?
In your place I would be anxious about picking up the phone but you have to do it or you may regret it.
Good luck and hope it goes well. If it doesn’t then at least you will have done what you could and will have no need to reproach yourself.💐

sazz1 Thu 22-Feb-24 13:36:21

My niece visited me last night and stayed for a few hours. We had a lovely long chat and I now know all the funeral arrangements. I think she just needed some time so didn't ring or call round earlier. Thanks to everyone who replied x

Whiff Thu 22-Feb-24 16:20:44

sazzl that's good news. You gave your niece the space she needed and she knows you are there for her. 💐

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 22-Feb-24 16:24:27

Thanks for the update, and glad to hear you’ve had a good chat with your niece and know about the arrangements. That must have settled your mind a bit. 💐