Is it the start of dementia?

Has he always been such a curmudgeon? Maybe he’s just himself (as always) just more irascible with aches & pains? Or is this bad temper out of character?

It’s difficult to surmise without knowing more really.

I don't think we should be attempting diagnoses on here. It's unlikely the GP will talk to the wife without her husband. There are support groups who have experience of these situations and could offer advice. Admiral Nurses may be able to help as well. It's a very difficult situation to be in, I sympathise .

The lady can ask to speak to her husband's GP, and ask for an urgent assessment to be made (it can take a long time to get an MRI scan, which is generally the way a proper diagnosis of dementia is made).

In the meantime, it is probably best if the gentleman concerned isn't allowed access to a lot of money, and perhaps isn't allowed to drive, if he's so forgetful.

My brother's wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (MRI scan after months of waiting), after she exhibited a lot of strange behaviour - accusing him of stealing her money/bank card/jewellery, also saying that her text messages were being sent via someone else's mobile, and that the neighbours were talking about her.

We went about our mum and they said she had to realise she had it and had to come herself. First of many battles with drs.

soda, the gp should listen to the wife if she has concerns and investigate those concerns next time he sees the husband

What often used to be advised on the Alz. Soc. Talking Point forum, was to write to the GP stating concerns, and for the GP then to invite the person - with no mention of dementia! - for an ‘over 65s’ or whatever general check up.

It’s all very well for GPs to say that the person must realise that they have it, but many never do, or won’t accept it even if they do. My mother never accepted that she had it, for the simple reason that at any given moment, she could never remember that she couldn’t remember anything (if that makes sense).

Perhaps the gp might call the couple in for an MOT type health check, and casually include a memory test, a blood test, while he is there? (That's if he will go, of course)

My friend had just such an appointment with her doctor today.
Her husband has several medical health problems going on so when my friend asked the doctor for help he said he would tie it in with one of his usual appointments.

He has early onset vascular dementia.

This all happened to me about 10 years ago wth my H.
No appeal to our GP was any use.It had to come from him.
It took ages to get him to accept he needed help.
I hope GP’s are more enlightened now
The first GP he saw just told his memory was bad, a result of age.
By the time he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s it was too large for meds to slow the progress.
Seek any help you can get.

I’m assuming that microsoft called the landline?
That’s easily fixed. Have all calls ( on landline) re- directed to a mobile ( obviously not the husbands)
With the Amazon account. Delete the card. Put it on again when ordering. If he gets angry about that it’s easy to deflect.
You have to be very wily with dementia sufferers.

That’s very sad, ann as we now know early medication can help so much.

In the US, a friend's husband before a diagnosis of dementia suddenly started calling sex lines (no sign of this sort of behaviour before), and began sending the women money "because they need it."

$8,000 was transferred from their account before she could get it all sorted out, get him to accept a diagnosis from the doctor and onto some meds. It has been completely dreadful for her.

I am taking her out for coffee and a chat this afternoon.
It was the call from so-called Microsoft that started her panic yesterday, but she did right in calling the bank and getting them involved. I think she over-reacted to his falling for the scan, these people can seem very plausible, but to my mind they sound a bit amateurish as they tried to clear the bank account of every single penny, thus alerting staff to query the transaction.
A letter to their gp seems the most sensible starting point, even suggesting an 'over 70 health assessment' ploy to get the husband to attend. Thank you those of you who suggested that.
If their gp won't co-operate, wanting the husband to ask for help off his own bat, at least the request will be on record for the future.
Are there any societies to help her? She's worked herself up into a state of panic over this and is quite frail herself, she can't stop crying and really needs counselling IMO. I don't think the Alzheimer Society could help at this stage - are there any other places she could try?

My gp surgery has a care coordinator, who will visit your home, and hopefully look at your whole situation, and refer you on to relevant services.

The idea is to stop people from using gp appointments for things that can be dealt with by other agencies.

They were arranging a memory test for me, but they seem to have forgotten (!)
If your friend is agreeable to counselling, she can self refer on the nhs.

It does sound like the beginnings of dementia , but not necessarily .
This lady really needs to contact their GP and explain what is happening .
Her husband needs a proper diagnosis .
And she has to be insistent with the surgery .

It's difficult to prevent someone from accessing their bank and spending money in an uncontrolled way .
I went through this and I had problems trying to get my father's GP to understand that there was something very wrong with him .
He's passed every dementia test and yet he had strange psychotic periods :
neighbours alerted me to some of his behaviour -rummaging through dustbins and panicking about furniture exploding .

Last Monday, I thought that he'd had a stroke . He pretended to be unconscious . It took three paramedics to finally realise what was happening . He couldn't fake it anymore when the blood pressure cuff was applied because he hates it .
They contacted the surgery and
finally , they are beginning to understand the difficulties that I have with him .
Prior to that when mobile -
he was phoning up the bank and giving out details of his account - only it wasn't always the bank because he'd misdialled - due to his failing sight and also because he was panicking .
He regularly did this every Saturday and Sunday before I moved with him .

It's not easy and I wish this lady every good luck with it .

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Reported

Anyone with these symptoms needs to get checked out. Maybe just say it is a general check up( word up the doctor about what has been happening first). It could be anything, not necessarily dementia but it is no good self diagnosing.

Your friend could ring the Alzheimer's Society 0333 150 3456 or contact them omline www.alzheimers.org.uk/

If he would agree to go with her to have the Covid booster and flu jab, perhaps that would be a way to get him to see the doctor.

In this poor woman's shoes, I would start by avoiding the subject of dementia in any form when talking to my husband.

Instead, I would insist that he let me make an appointment with the doctor regarding his knee and his eye-sight.

Cataracts are not the problem they used to be. I and others on this forum can vouch for that. An operation for a cataract takes about 45 minutes now, the local anaestetic is in the form of eye-drops, and apart for needing eye-drops for a certain lenght of time afterwards that is all there is to it.

If he needs a knee replacement it is a little more intrusive, but again not the bugbear it was a few years ago.

Getting a man to go to the doctor is not easy, but she will need to insist and take him there. Unfortunately, I have no good ideas as to how she accomplishes that!

When making the appointment, and it is best she does so, she needs to stress that there are other and more worrying concerns that her husband refuses to acknowledge and that frighten her, and to be specific about what these are.

If they usually go shopping together she could try to get an appointment at a time that fits with that and simply drive to the medical centre.

Is a home visit for an elderly or old person quite out of the question?

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How very sad ... yes speak to your GP ... no doubt had these situations before ... saying that ... he can be a danger to himself ... I would make a list of things etc ... so when asked you know what to say ... let us know how you get on please ... God bless

MissAdventure

Perhaps the gp might call the couple in for an MOT type health check, and casually include a memory test, a blood test, while he is there? (That's if he will go, of course)

I was thinking along the same lines MissA. Perhaps they could be going to the surgery for a flu, pneumonia, shingles injection?