I like my own space…

I enjoy my husband's company. I prefer to be with him than some of my girlfriends as he is more fun and we work well together as a couple and he is a lovely man.

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Thankfully, we have a large enough home (an extended
4/5 bedroomed bungalow, with an extra family room build above an extended kitchen and study {my man cave}) to be able to take time out from each other whenever the need takes us.

Our kids are still at home at 22 (a week Saturday) and approaching 24; they usually keep to themselves in their bedrooms; however, we do make some effort to do family-oriented things like play a board game, go out for walks and watch various drama series at least once a day together. Also, my wife takes the kids out for driving lessons at every opportunity.

Though, the other day I suggested to my eldest that we all go to visit relatives in Australia next summer for a month or more and maybe do a little travelling on our way back before he starts his first ever permanent job (he's working now but it's to complete his pre-registration year before he can practice). It will be the last time we could take an extended vacation as a family before both our kids finally join the work force after both have been in education since their childhoods. He said I'd like to see my aunts and uncles and cousins, but I feel I should go my own way somewhere as well. My daughter is noncommittal at this stage.

My next door neighbour used to yell at and bully her husband something terrible. I used to feel sorry for the poor chap although I did not get on with them as a couple.

Since he died late last year she has wandered around like a clock with the main spring gone. She has signs of dimentia and gets very confused when people try to explain something. She collared one of the other neighbours who was trying to get away to pick up her child from school,

In her culture it is usually the man who controls the banking, bills and financial matters and I imagine she must be in quite a muddle by now. I cant see her getting to grips with online banking or the cost of living crisis. Her adult children seem to only visit every 2/3 weeks when I hear the grandkids in the garden. I know they live quite a way away. Im sure she misses him a great deal but I keep my distance.

It took so long to get used to being on my own after my dh died and I would give anything for him to be here as we got on brilliantly.. However after all these years I like living alone, could never live with anyone again. Do get lonely at times but even when I have visitors a few hours is enough. I have my own loose routine, today for instance as the weather so nice decided to go out for the day and had a lovely time, plus eating just what I like for dinner, sometimes I don’t feel like cooking, so don’t.

Difficult my other half is a.long dustance lorry driver and I cant imagine him being around 24/7.
Have you looked.into volunteering maybe 1/2 a day a week or taking up a hobby. Gardening, rambling, crafts.
Do you have 2 sitting rooms my friend and her husband do and watch their own programs, read etc alone.

I used to feel like that, but now I'm another one here saying be careful what you wish for. Now alone not through choice, and although I wished for time to myself when he was here, I would give anything to just have him sitting opposite me now....

Yes i think your situation is not uncommon. Does he like the idea of attending men's shed..its all over the country.

My DH's work meant that I was in charge of most things in the house and the children when young.
When he retired I was warned by others that I would hate it.
I actually don't he has his hobbies I have mine. We have enough space to spread and he helps with housework and likes to cook.
I appreciate him and make sure he knows it. He also shows his appreciation.
I would say a day never goes by without some disagreement we always try to resolve them, it doesn't go by without a good laugh either. He is the master of one-liners which would upset some but luckily I find him amusing.
I remember how my aunt was when she lost her husband of over 60 years and I am careful what I wish for.
He is no angel but neither am I.

I love the couple of days a week when my husband goes to his social clubs. At first I used to go to one of my own clubs but now I just relish the time on my own doing whatever I want to do and going to the shops alone, doing housework alone or just craft activities alone. I think we all need a bit of me time.

Having nursed my late dh with dementia fir about 21 years, he could not bear me to be out of sight, which I found so claustrophobic and downright irritating, not to say bloody inconvenient and impractical!!!! I used to yearn for some space and time to myself and now I have it I fully appreciate the freedom ( altho I would have him back in a heartbeat) and the peace and quiet. I am lucky to be surrounded by a close and loving family and I often turn down invites simply because I do so love being on my own at times xxx

Catterygirl

Oh help
OH wouldn’t know what to do with a man shed or walking group. He has a busy job with no time for hobbies. He retires end of the month. He is working now. No interests outside work, Doesn’t look good.

My DH was like a lost soul when he first retired. He was used to managing and organising and I didn't take kindly to bein managed and organised ?

I encouraged him to join clubs, do charity work, he gives talks to groups sometimes.
Then I complained I never saw him. We do quite a lot together as well, joined the National Trust, visited different areas of the country taking in a few NT properties etc.

notgran

Some of these comments sound like they have been posted by Hyacinth Bucket, in the TV series "Keeping up Appearances" Try to remember ladies, it is his home also and he has probably contributed more financially than you to obtain it. I seriously would be concerned about my relationship if you are worried about spending more time with him, when he finally retires. If it's any consolation he will probably die before you so you will have your own space back again. Harsh, I realise but true.

OMG unbelievable ? seriously OMG!!!

Oh help
OH wouldn’t know what to do with a man shed or walking group. He has a busy job with no time for hobbies. He retires end of the month. He is working now. No interests outside work, Doesn’t look good.

M0nica

notgran what a bizarre attitude you have to the business of running a family in all its aspects.

The reason most men make the biggest contribution to the family is because their spouse, usually wives take all the household and domestic administration of their backs, enabling them to devote more time to earning money.

DH did as well as he did because he employed such an efficient and competent CEO, who ran every aspect of the family business. I held the posts of Financial Director, HR Director, Properties Manager, Legal Advisor, to name but a few. It would have cost him a small fortune to pay someone to do everything I did.

On the side I also had a management job in industry that enabled me to make a major financial contribution to the family business as well.

Fortunately DH is a man of intelligence (obviously!) and could see that we were a team and that the prosperity of the family depended on our different contributions to our family and sharing both the gains and the losses.

This This This.

And Child care, Chef, Laundress/ clothing ironing and mending, cleaner, Chauffeur for our children and HIS parents, grocery acquisition, holiday planner for out of country/ in country/ in home, gift purchase for all and all occasions, 100s of pets cared for - plus sex cupcake extraordinaire.

I foresaw problems to the extent I planned a break beforehand away to talk about them.
We planned what activities we'd be doing, we have different interests. As long as each of us gets several half days a week out, giving the other space at home it works most of the time. We don't watch all the same TV, so sets in two rooms.

my h has been retired for15yrs I have been retired for5yrs and as for as I m concerned retirement is a male word women never retire?

I retired early about 10 years ago. When DH retired 5 years ago we both found the adjustment quite difficult.
We sat down and talked about what we both expected.
Now we both have our own interests and some that we share and it works well.
Time to myself is very important to me . Doesn’t mean I think any less of my Husband.

Oh I love my own space. But it’s becoming harder to get. I crave to have the house to myself. I just want to get on with the housework by myself.
My Dh has no hobbies, so will quite happily sit watching tv all day.

notgran what a bizarre attitude you have to the business of running a family in all its aspects.

The reason most men make the biggest contribution to the family is because their spouse, usually wives take all the household and domestic administration of their backs, enabling them to devote more time to earning money.

DH did as well as he did because he employed such an efficient and competent CEO, who ran every aspect of the family business. I held the posts of Financial Director, HR Director, Properties Manager, Legal Advisor, to name but a few. It would have cost him a small fortune to pay someone to do everything I did.

On the side I also had a management job in industry that enabled me to make a major financial contribution to the family business as well.

Fortunately DH is a man of intelligence (obviously!) and could see that we were a team and that the prosperity of the family depended on our different contributions to our family and sharing both the gains and the losses.

I think I got in his way a bit at first. He stopped working before retirement age 14 years ago. I retired 3 years ago, just before the pandemic, and we're just working out how to navigate things now life is opening up.
And before @Notagran asks, I contributed almost 75% of the cost of all household bills and to the mortgage as well as doing most of the DIY, childcare and housework. He is an excellent everyday cook though!

“For better, for worse but not for lunch”

Grannybags

My Mum complained she had "Twice the man and half the money" when my Dad retired!

I was given this cushion when my late DH retired!

We enjoy time together but time apart is essential. DH goes to spend a few days with his family and I enjoy time alone, eating what and when I like, watching whatever I choose on TV - or not. We each have our own studies too. It works well.

We ran a business together but I retired first my husband stayed for a while but then retired. He seemed lost at first on retirement offering to do almost everything for me. I found it rather irritating I like being left to my own devices doing work around the house.
I suggested jobs he could do rather than watch TV all day as it was getting to be a habit.
My husband started taking the dog out more and has made more friends. He also volunteers which he really enjoys. We do work well together on little projects or hobbies but we both like a bit of space. We had a sun house built and a man shed both are invaluable. My husband gets to mess around with his model building. I potter in the garden or sit in the sun house with my cookery books listening to the birds.
I am not Mrs Bucket (I do love that programme) my husband won't be bossed around. I think the secret to living in your golden years is give and take but not to take for granted.