Grandkids ignore us when other grandparents are around

Do you think that they really prefer them or was there a reaction when it first happened?

If they really prefer them then look as to why, if there was a reaction and ongoing reactions then you have to ignore the fact they are showing a preference.

Children are very good at reading facial expressions so will see the pleasure on the other grandparent's faces or will hear comments made by you or others.

Don't force the issue, they could reverse this behaviour at some time.

I do feel for you, it must be upsetting. Could you spend time with them without the other grandparents?

They are really so little.
A lot of people can overwhelm children so it may be easier for them to process by "deleting" some.

Just ride it out. You can't control their actions only your own reaction.

Do you see them more frequently than the other grandparents? We tend to be the favourites because our son’s children tend to show preference for us rather than the other grandparents who they see almost every day but actually their relationship with them is much stronger. Don’t worry about it.

Unless it is an essential occasion that you are all together with the grandchildren , I would decline mutual invites for the moment, that way you can enjoy your time with them separately and not get stressed by it. I appreciate Christmas might be awkward but I am sure you can cope with it on one day.

Are they your son or daughter’s children? Do you get on with your child’s partner?

My youngest MIL lives near them and child minds our grandson. She used to look quite pleased when he gravitated to her but we now seem to have some novelty value.

Children go through phases but it’s not something that can be forced. Perhaps avoid visiting when they are present for a while.

In reply to Theexwife……I don’t know if the 5 year old prefers them but he is super smart and seems to have picked up that it bothers us. Not sure if he’s been scolded but his mom or why, but perhaps I have shown it is hurtful. We do spend some time with them on their own and it is completely different, especially with 3 yr old. Just not sure what’s going on when we are all together and trying my best not to become resentful of the other grandma. It has just become very uncomfortable.

Totally agree with 62granny just for a while avoid the double grandparents do s and have more one to ones I m sure it’s nothing more than it’s a bit overwhelming to suddenly have four new adults to choose from

They are so young, they are not doing on purpose to hurt you

Expectations are the root of all evil

Give it time and space, they will interact with you again

We are considering this 62granny. It’s sad though since we have bent over backwards to include the other grandparents from the beginning, since we are both local, so my daughter is not always having to deal with split holidays. Up until recently, it has gone well.

Yes we do get along Kasimo. They are my daughters kids

Although we all like the thought of “one big family” it’s a bit of an illusion. Making sure that everyone feels included in a large social setting is something that even adults find difficult. Little children don’t have those social skills at all.

If they enjoy time with you when the other grandparents aren’t around then they do have a good relationship with you so make that grandchildren time.

And then make the big get-togethers lovely quality time with your adult child when neither of you have to be distracted by little ones.

I m not understanding what you mean by split holidays
It’s a lot (four extra adults) for little ones to work around and as you say the little one will do what his older sibling does
Surely it would be a lot better all round if you did one visit and the other grandparents the other week/ month or what ever the time table is
It’s really not something to get hurt or upset or jealous about the children aren’t meaning to upset you You’re the adult so must work your way around it and I would think single grandparents per visit would give you the attention you feel you need

If they see you more etc, it may just be the novelty of seeing the other grandparents. I doubt the children are doing it out of spite

Tzumama - don’t worry too much about it. You haven’t mentioned whether the other grandparents see them as often as you do .
In my case, the other grandparents do far more than I do for my son’s little girls. She sees them daily. I see them probably once a month or so.
Today I popped in to their other grandma’s house to give them their advent calendars. They (4 year old and 7 year old) ran up to me for a cuddle, and the 4 year old wanted to sit on my lap. It’s just the Novelty of seeing me. But ofcourse, I accept that they are closer to her. That’s life I guess. I have never been top of the pecking order in any of my relationships. As long as I am somewhere in between, that’s fine.

Both sets of grandparents see the kids fairly equally time-wise

We always split holidays, birthdays, events - between my parents and my husband's parents. Is that a possibility?

Now, with 4 grown married daughters, each with AC, GC, some with GGC - we split them to groups. We do separate holidays, events with each daughter. Forty people is too many at once. Maybe 2 families is too many people?

I'm grandma to two boys. Me and the other grandparents see the boys probably the same amount of time. The other grandpa indulges in 'competitive grandparenting' and at joint occasions like birthday or Christmas he'll hog the older boy and almost crow if dgs1 goes to him. Last year it was so bad, his mil told him he was out of order. My reaction is to pretend I don't notice, help in the kitchen, talk to the others etc. I never show him how much it irritates. I suggest you keep doing something similar. Fake it til you make it. I recognise that dgs1 loves his grandpa and likes to be with him. I think his grandpa is insecure so I don't let it outwardly bother me. We all have our role to play in their wee life.

they are just children
try to be a bit more grown up

Grandmabatty 'competitive grandparenting' - wow, I didn't know such a sport existed - but suppose it's just like competitive parenting (or anything else) all over again. Pretty pathetic behaviour from adults. If it annoyed me, I think I'd just avoid gatherings when the other grandparents were there.

maybe they simply prefer the other lot.
no great mystery.
avoid meetings with the other lot if it makes you uncomfortable.

JANEJUDGE. Thanks for your unhelpful comment. Guess your user name is very accurate!

Thank you Norah. We don’t make a big group all together but we may be headed toward separate celebrations anyway.

Grandmabatty…..Sorry you are having to deal with a similar situation

Tzumama2

JANEJUDGE. Thanks for your unhelpful comment. Guess your user name is very accurate!

perhaps you are a little too sensitive... there is certainly some truth in what JudgeJane said but don't take it or this situation so personally... all things change... you are obviously loved just step back a little..