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Grandparenting

When can I celebrate on Facebook and not offend

(36 Posts)
Stongwoman Thu 08-Sep-22 21:01:11

I feel like I’ve committed a faux pas in putting a happy birthday celebration message linked to a face book reminder of my grandsons birthday. I hadn’t thought I’d done anything wrong but my Dil has not posted her own celebratory message or acknowledged mine, (and she posts childrens events regularly)

Have I done wrong and if so how do I correct? My son and his family live abroad

annodomini Sun 11-Sep-22 20:37:57

Before Facebook existed, we didn't feel the need to publicise our birthday greeting to our nearest and dearest. We made do with a card. I still send them cards, though if someone posts greetings, I will sometimes add mine.

Riggie Sun 11-Sep-22 20:34:11

Floradora9

I never post anything about my grand children on Facebook .

I think the OPs case is different.
She had a Facebook reminder which means her grandson (or his mother on his behalf) has an account and has set it up to include his birthday details (which is an optional field). In that case popping on a message is hardly giving away secrets

2mason16 Sun 11-Sep-22 19:28:25

I generally ask parents if it's ok to post. Especially as Gc's get older and FB isn't cool now!
Myself I'll be having a low key 70th birthday next Monday the 19th ?

LovelyCuppa Sun 11-Sep-22 17:48:31

Out of interest, how old is your grandson? If you're sending a birthday message to him maybe they wonder why you didn't just text, phone or email if he won't even see it? Or maybe they're just busy celebrating and haven't been online yet!

Limcha Sun 11-Sep-22 15:20:51

I think the general rule with posting information about children on the internet is check with their parents. It’s no one else’s choice to decide a minor’s very permanent exposure on the world wide web but the parents.

If the parents already post the child, still check with them first. Many people, especially the older generations, lack a full understanding of privacy settings and much of the technical know-how to prevent max exposure. It’s never over the top to keep a child and personally identifying information off the internet if you are educated on the implications is has on an individual’s privacy.

Nannapat1 Sun 11-Sep-22 14:34:31

I only wish Happy Birthday to those who are my 'friends' on FB and whose birthday is given as FB info.
A couple of friends have their privacy settings set so that only they can see the greetings.
I would never post birthday wishes on FB for those not on FB, with the exception of my DGDs, where I have permission to put up something.
All my posts are visible to 'friends only'.

Gabrielle56 Sun 11-Sep-22 13:35:16

I'd never ever put anything about kids on FB! It's a pervs paradise, a cardin the post is best . I also am constantly amazed how thick older folks are about the dangers of giving info out to the world and his wife!!! We assume EVERYONE is out to get us and we are as safe as we want to be! Trust no one specially yourself if you're messing with online stuff over age of 65!!!

Amalegra Sun 11-Sep-22 12:36:16

I always post messages on my DD’s FB page celebrating anything that happens within the family, including birthdays. It’s always received well and I thought pretty much obligatory in this age of social media!

Stongwoman Sun 11-Sep-22 12:18:29

Thanks everyone for your helpful comments I’m probably over sensitive and cautious not wishing to offend ,

Thomas67 Sun 11-Sep-22 12:13:01

My son and daughter-in-law have told me not to put anything about my grandchild on Facebook. They think the child is not old enough to give their permission. I just go along with it now but it means that relatives don’t see anything! I think they are OTT but it’s their child so I shut up. Now I send the odd picture via email but it’s not as friendly.

sharonarnott Sun 11-Sep-22 12:08:16

StoneofDestiny

It’s getting silly now. My friends had a baby the day The Queen died - I can tell you they will be celebrating the birth!

I fully agree. Times have changed. Life goes on, it doesn't mean we are any less sad than anybody else if we carry on with our lives. I ponder on the recent sad events every day but I still wished my niece the best birthday ever the day after we lost our queen.

It appears everybody thinks differently so I'd say deal with things in your own way and let others deal with it in theirs. It's a sad day when you can't wish someone a happy birthday especially a child, whatever the circumstances

grandtanteJE65 Sun 11-Sep-22 11:31:22

Is this the first time you have posted anything to do with your grandchild on Facebook?

If it is, it might have been wiser to ask your son or daughter-in-law in advance.

You could e-mail your DIL and ask nicely whether you have done the wrong thing, as now you are in doubt.

If on the other hand, you normally send the entire family a birthday greeting when Facebook reminds you of a birthday, just let it go.

They may, or may not, get round to thanking you. Their generation attaches far less importance to "saying thank you nicely" than ours.

LovelyLady Sun 11-Sep-22 11:26:35

Happy Birthday Luckygirl13
Some don’t like Facebook, but why have an account then?
Nothing wrong with mentioning birthday wishes unless they are under police protection or similar.
Congratulations to you on having grandchildren.
It’s not great when we have to tip toe around the wishes of parents. We really don’t have a choice but to keep everyone happy. It can be exhausting. My parents did what Granny wanted - my how times have changed.

PollyDolly Sun 11-Sep-22 11:24:55

Nor do I, although I will respond with a 'like' and a comment if my AC put up a post about my GC.

StoneofDestiny Sun 11-Sep-22 11:21:49

It’s getting silly now. My friends had a baby the day The Queen died - I can tell you they will be celebrating the birth!

Elizabeth27 Fri 09-Sep-22 12:21:17

Children are not interested in Facebook so maybe the mother will not put a message on.

Luckygirl3 Fri 09-Sep-22 11:31:16

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I do not think I will forget the day the queen died!

Daddima Fri 09-Sep-22 11:29:44

Happy birthday, Luckygirl, and Stongwoman, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all.

dragonfly46 Fri 09-Sep-22 07:21:26

Happy Birthday Luckygirl..

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 09-Sep-22 07:07:29

Happy Birthday Luckygirl???

BigBertha1 Fri 09-Sep-22 06:26:59

Happy birthday Luckygirl. I hope you have a good day. As for wishing your grandson a Happy Birthday that seems very natural thing to do. I do it for mine.

Hithere Fri 09-Sep-22 02:00:38

Have you congratulated via FB in the past?

If this is a yearly thing, I dont see the issue

nanna8 Fri 09-Sep-22 01:47:09

She might not look at it every day- I certainly don’t. I don’t put pics of grandchildren on it these days, either. I leave that up to the parents because it isn’t that private even though they say it is. Funny old world we live in…

NotSpaghetti Thu 08-Sep-22 23:52:59

Just delete it if it's a problem, surely?

LauraNorderr Thu 08-Sep-22 22:22:12

Birthday wishes to your grandson strongwoman, I wouldn’t worry about it too much, I’m sure your grandson will love to have a message from his granny.