People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

Hennahead, perhaps you are having/ had a bad day.
People can be so kind, and it doesn't take much to just say, " thanks, but I can manage"

I am an intelligent, extremely IT literate and fiercely independant woman, but do have mobility uses.
If anyone offers to assist me, I look on it as an act of kindness ( rare in this day and age) and not patronising at all.

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab.

The only ones I would be angry with are people who take your arm and march you across the road without your permission.

Anyone else as Auntiflo says " thanks but I can manage" should do the trick.

It is better than someone looking the other way. Just smile sweetly and say thank you but I am fine. None of us know if and when we may need the kind help is that offered.

I just smile and say I'm fine/ can manage thank you.

A polite ‘thank you , but I’m ok’ isn’t too much for you is it? If you snap back, you are being a total bitch, not just coming across as one. You might be an intelligent, well educated woman, as am I, but how is a stranger to know that? A bit of gratitude and humility wouldn’t come amiss. Hurt and angry? You are over 65 and have/have had a disabling condition and whether you like it or not that’s clearly obvious to people, hence the offers of help. I would add that I have never felt patronised - in my experience those who complain of it are those who go looking for it.

I am getting sick of things the other way around, personally.

People [men especially] can no longer
Open a car door for someone
Walk on the outside of a pavement

Women can no longer say
"are you alright chuck" or some such similar words

No one
can offer to help with IT
Offer an arm
Say hello over the garden fence
Say hello in a village street

Others can then become hurt, angry, humiliated, disempowered, insulted.

The world is becoming upside down.

Thing is I am an intelligent, well educated woman not a person who needs looking after
I am all of those things but they do not preclude a helping hand at times, a seat on the tube, a hand with a bag or case, a kind offer from a considerate stranger.
Why you should feel “hurt and angry” is beyond me. I would feel hurt and angry if an offer of help, kindly meant, was thrown back on my face and my head bitten off.

And people complain about the youth of today?

Oh dear Hennahead, people are trying to be kind and helpful.
Definitely not patronising. I would be mortified if I tried to help and the person snapped and scowled towards me.
It doesn’t matter that you are well educated and efficient with technology, completely irrelevant. Much easier to say thank you than snap!

Oh dear. Helpers damned if they do and damned if they don't. I offered to help to a young woman with a pushchair getting off a train. I was obviously patronising but it was a high step down. Anyway it didnt stop me from offering similar help again in the future. And I do ask not just grab

Good for you.

Don't be hurt and angry, just be polite and try to smile a little. Say 'thank you, I can manage okay' and let it go. It's incredibly easy to fall into the role of grumpy old bag but these people are showing kindness and that is a precious thing these days. So many people are horrid and selfish, the milk of human kindness is often in short supply. Please accept it as it is given, as a random act of kindness.

Note: My diary says Sat 17th February is Random Act of Kindness Day! So you might expect even more people to offer assistance.

I’m another who thinks any offer of help is worth a thank you.

The problem with responding badly is that the offer probably wont be made again - not just to you, but to someone who might really need it. Maybe think on…

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

I think the impulse to help in any way comes from kindness, would you not offer to help - a young mum with a buggy struggling through a doorway or some one with a street map looking lost? It's exactly the same, when I receive help it's not because I am in any way 'lesser' and when I offer I certainly never feel 'better than'. It's human nature to be kind, we're all in it together -sometimes giving , sometimes getting help. Thank goodness.

If help is offered when I don't need I always thank the person for having offered.

it is your problem if you are rude.

I don't feel patroized, I am glad that there are still kind people around. A smile a a quick thanks but I am ok . means that person can go away feeling ok and so do I.

Goodness, that seems a massive overreaction. I’ve had to use a crutch for the past few weeks, and I’ve been surprised and delighted at how kind and helpful people have been. Despite appearances, I don’t need help with much, so I’ve just, as others do, said ‘thank you [very much], but I can manage.’ For the odd thing where I do need help, like carrying anything that needs two hands, I’ve been grateful that people offer.

Nobody has ever assumed I can’t manage technology, but my response would be much the same: polite confirmation that I can.

petra

What a shame with all that education you weren’t taught manners.

👏👏👏

It's a shame you feel this way Hennahead 😕
Why not just say, "Thank you for asking, I can manage for now, but please don't let that put you off asking another time 🙂

Professor Stephen Hawking was an intelligent, educated man but he would have needed looking after.
Nothing patronising about it.

On Sunday, I was too near the kerb, whose was usually high ( or so I guessed) . Anyway, I was struggling to get out of the car. The seat is quite low. (No it’s not a sports car😂 it’s a Kio Rio). Two sweet young girls saw me struggling and offered their arms to hold on to. Such little sweethearts - if they hadn’t helped, I would have just driven away and given Mass a miss.

If someone offers help I feel I don’t need I simply say ‘Thanks that’s really kind but I m ok but I appreciate you asking’ and I do mean that I m appreciative that anyone notices me and offers
Think your reaction sounds churlish

which was unusually high

I would assume that you look as though you need help, it is only offered out of kindness, a polite no thank you I can manage is all you need to say.

You may need help one day and would then be complaining that nobody offers.

If I am at a train station and am struggling with cases, someone always offers to help - thank you.

I wrote a thread on here a couple of months ago. My car broke down, in a dangerous place. A young lady, and then her dad as well, were massively helpful.

I am under 65. And I am very grateful.

Agree with saying thankyou, that’s very kind but I am ok. Or in reality I would say thankyou and accept their kind offer.
If people can’t be gracious in saying no thanks those people who offer will be unlikely to offer another time which woukd be a real shame as a little kindness goes a long way.