Adult children estrangement

Hi, to best support you I would need more understanding

In what way are they saying your son was aggressive?

Have you really listened to their reasons and do you believe them?

Are you defending your son when you potentially should not be?

i don't understand.
isn't it your house ?
so how did your daughters push your son out of it ?

Well they ve come back recently and he s been there all the time with no problems so they are the ones causing the problem
I often think grown up children don’t necessarily get on
How dare they walk in and push him out who are they to say he can’t come home It’s your home not theirs so I think you need to set some rules
Your sons home is at your house and always has been so they are the interlopers and need to follow your house rules or find their own places
You and him are being blackmailed and falling for it

Hello Sinbad, so if I've understood this correctly your son has always lived with you and your D's have returned, complained about your son and driven him out of his home.

Why have you allowed this to happen? You should be supporting your son. Your D's don't have the right to come back and dictate to you what your living arrangements should be in order to suit them.

There isn't a lot of information here but based on what you have said, I suggest that your son returns to his home if he wants too, and you tell your D's that this is the arrangement and it's not going to change.

IMO the worse thing you can do is sacrifice the relationship you have with your son for your D's who berate you to the extent that you believe they hate you.

@violetsky, i have spent hours since theyve been home trying to reason with them but i cant seem to get through. When i think I'm reasoning, like i think i always have done, now I'm being told that my behaviour is passive aggressive or mean or rude. I genuinely dont know how to communicate with them without them thinking I'm those things, which i dont believe i am

It is my house and atm i pay the bills and everything else.

Just going on what you’ve said, I’d bring your son back and tell your daughters to go.

Your house, your rules. Your front door.

Im trying to support my son as well @smileless2012, and he's understanding right now because he understands I'm just trying to be kind, but i can tell he's hurting too

My sone is being accused of being passive and physically aggressive buy when i ask for details of this they just say that i should know. But i genuinely dont. He's not a physically aggressive person. Its not in his nature

I dont ever remember seeing him hurt them or anyone

so why are you wasting time and energy trying to reason with your daughters, rather than bringing your son back.
why did you allow them to eject him ??
is this even a real enquiry ?

It seems strange to me that not one but two daughters would be saying the same things

I think there is something underlying here and you need to find out what it is because maybe it goes deeper than they are able to tell you

But in the meantime, you can't take sides with your children and you need to enforce boundaries in your own home

@welbeck I've been trying to keep everyone happ, but it's all gone to waste. It's real for me I'm afraid

Thanks @violetsky this is what I've been trying to do. Ive offered family counselling to try and work things out but they have both declined

My son has accepted family counselling because effectively he's being accused and is willing to try and clear things up.

@violetsky when ive tried to apply simple boundaries but when i do I'm met with counter boundaries.. like if ive stated that my parter may bring his dog to the house, then immet with the condition that she must not enter certain areas.

No you don't have to give your daughters prior warning when tour son comes home.
Don't waste your breath trying to reason with them.
I'm wondering why they came home.
They say they hate you?
I know what I would do. Move your son back in.
Tell your daughters to go back to where they came from, help them pack their bags and show them the door.
Take the upper hand.

Thanks for your message @sharon103. They havent categorically said they hate me yet, but their actions:
They dont speak to me
There is no kind words, salutations or conversation
They said they dont trust me because their saying ive lied to them about really random small things (which i havent)
They will only communicate through text
They've rejected family counselling which they previously agreed to

D1 came back during lockdown because she couldnt afford rent on the house she shared with her boyfriend. She's left before because of rows she had with her brother before.
D2 came back as she lost her job (she's doing her phd) and could no longer afford rent

What did they row about?

A game of scabble where she was caught cheating

Scrabble sorry

You know what. I think i needed to sound this out with complete strangers to know that i wasnt losing my mind. Thank you all for your comments. Reading the thread back it is so simple, but doing it is going to be so hard. I love my daughters so much. We've all 4 of us been through so much and i cant believe its come to something like this. I dont want to lose them, but i get what i need to do.