Mum in rehab and hating it.

Why can't you pick her up? It's not compulsory - or prison - it's just the standard 6 weeks rehabilitation that she's entitled to after hospital discharge.

If she wants to leave, that's her choice. I expect the doctor will try to persuade her to stay, build her strength, have the physio etc. but it's not for everyone.

If she's really unhappy it could do more harm than good. Some of us just go downhill rapidly in these settings (but have the common sense to discharge ourselves).

That’s what I feel like doing Hetty. But she’s going to need 24 hour care. She can’t walk unaided at all because of her drops in bp she’s had 3 bad falls already. I’m still working part time and look after Grandchildren. I can and do visit a lot. But couldn’t stay overnight.

It doesn't sound as if your mum is anywhere near ready to be discharged.
How can someone's abilities go down so much in a rehab ward?

Actually, that is what happened to my mum.
She went from being mobile with help to confined to bed, drinking from a plastic beaker, with cot rails on her bed, and having to use a bed pan.

I think you should try to speak to the doctor, as they will probably discharge your mum, and then she won't be able to manage at home, and will end up back in hospital within a few weeks.

KatyJ I mean this In the best possible way but your mum needs to be where she is. We had this situation on a few occasions with my mum it’s too much of a responsibility for you. She does need 24 hr care that goes without saying and it would be too much for you to do.

Yes of course she is unhappy but she will be better looked after in rehab. It may not be her choice to leave unless she can provide assurance that she will be looked after 24 hrs.

Misadventure. Yes it makes you wonder doesn’t it. I think because she’s confined in her small room, their not letting her walk, only to the commode. She’s saying she doesn’t want to get out
of bed to eat she’s too tired that’s how the argument with the carer escalated.
That’s my fear that they discharge her too soon, she’ll have another fall and we’ll be back to square one.

KatyJ, I think the 24 hour care needs to be arranged asap. I wasn't suggesting that you drop everything and look after her yourself!

Can you sit with whoever is her primary carer there and ask to see her care plan, risk assessments and notes.
Ask what they have in place to allow your Mum the maximum amount of control over what she can and cannot do.
I feel so much for you both. I am currently in a rehab unit following a simple knee replacement and the lack of freedom and choice makes me feel like a prisioner.
Even daft things, like the coffee I drink, the pillows supplied, the meal times, the food.
Add to that being forced to live with a bunch of strangers in a strange place, with none of my 'stuff' around me, no ability to make myself a cheese sandwich. It's awful and I've cried every day.
Don't beat yourself up about this. The system is an unfeeling monster that takes the dignity and humanity away from people when they are at their most vulnerable. it stinks.
My one piece of advice is to talk, but also to write, ensure there are notes on her file that they will have to comply with. Conversations easily get 'forgotten' a paper/email trail is impossible to lose.Write down a summary of any discusssion, plus a list of Mums likes and dislikes. Is she introverted? Does she have favorite foods, foods she can't stand, tv programmes? Is her continence ok ? Has she a mobile? You know your mum better than anyone, so make sure the staff know the little things that can turn a day from just about bearable to feeling helpless. that would be a real help for her, and the staff. Good luck
You sound like an amazing daughter.

Does your mum have a social worker, Katy?

Its vital that you speak to one (the hospital should have one available) before your mum is discharged, as she will at least then get 6 weeks of care.
Once she is discharged, the opportunity for that is lost. (As we found out)

Oops, I keep forgetting it's a rehab place your mums in.
It must be a similar set up for discharge though.

I’ve been told there’s a three week wait to see a social worker. Thank you misadventure, I’ll ask again today. My head is so full I keep forgetting things. So sorry you had this with your mum it is truly horrible.

Hetty. I would love 24 hour care for her but this would have to be private and neither of us could afford it.

It really was awful.
My mum went from a feisty woman to a little cowed, frightened old lady, wearing pads, drinking from a beaker, nowhere to sit, nothing to do.

If I were you I would get a pen and notebook, and write down every conversation you have, and with whom.

You could also consider asking PALS to help, too.

My mum made such a fuss about rehab she was discharged as soon as care was arranged by the social worker. When in her own home she was dismissing care workers and my family could not be there 24/7. That didn’t work out so she ended up in a home. Unfortunately this happens a lot my friend is going through something similar with her mum.

Redhead. Thank you for your message. I know at the bottom of me I couldn’t be there for her. Her situation is too complex she’s had two heart attacks in the last six months and has poor mobility too. I didn’t know that they wouldn’t let her leave though, unless she has enough care in place. There’s so much I don’t know. Think I need to get talking to the unit.

Rehab is usually when someone is on the mend and just needs the extra strength and confidence to start to become independent again. Being in a single room and not allowed out fir exercise and activity seems very odd, I would ask to be present when doctor sees her and speak with whoever manages the place and look at the care plan and most important keep notes if what conversations and with whom. Might help to speak to her *gp if her go doesn’t come to see her.
It’s very hard, are there other family members who can help in even a small way.

Clare your so right I do need to get talking, instead of overthinking everything. It should help me process things. So sorry your unhappy too. I hope your well enough to leave very soon .There’s no place like home.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/health-services/leaving-hospital/

Silver lining. Yes I think it’s very odd too. How is she going to be mobilised if she can’t leave her very small room. Their adamant though that she needs to isolate for 10 days even though their doing daily covid tests. I’m writing everything down, and will get some answers today.

No other siblings unfortunately. Only me allowed to go anyway during this 10 days.

Such good advice from ClareAB. Ask for a team meeting with everyone present who is involved with caring for your mum. If they say they can't do that because of infection ask for a Zoom meeting. Ask why she is being isolated. Is it Covid related? If it is for some other infection she could be barrier nursed and still have visitors. My mum was like this when she was in hospital and acquired an infection. We could visit but had to wash our hands on arrival and departure. All staff did the same.
Mum did deteriorate considerably while in isolation but she improved when she went back to a ward.
If your mum wants to leave and is capable of doing so the staff may have to comply with her wishes.
Finally the purpose of a rehab unit is to rehabilitate her if they are only allowing her to walk to a commode they are not doing their job. I suspect this may be to do with the isolation and staffing problems. But that shouldn't be permitted to interfere with what your mum needs. She should be getting some walking time with assistance. They should be looking at her BP and trying to discover why it isn't stable and if it is treatable. She certainly shouldn't be left just to sit.

You could phone age uk and discuss what the guidelines are, so that you are not overwhelmed with it all, and will know the pertinent questions to ask.
When we started to question the ward (so I realise, slightly different) it came to light that they had no paperwork whatsoever for my mum.

Redhead56:

'It may not be her choice to leave' - really?

Only those patients held under the Mental Health Act or Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards or some other Court order can be held in hospital against their will.

I know this, as my father discussed nothing, simply walked out (in his PJs and slippers) and walked home (luckily, he could still walk slowly)!

I'm glad that we don't automatically lose all our rights - just because we've become old, disabled, ill (or a worry and nuisance to others ) aren't you? It'll be us next! I'll never be ready to be bossed by my kids.

They certainly discharged my mum without adequate care.
She had to move into mine for 9 months!
That is after visits back to a and e, in the middle of the night, many tears, lots of hard work and disrupted nights for us all...

The isolation is covid related.I will be asking today how they intend to rehabilitate her, the problem now is she’s refusing to get up because she’s so tired. Her heart/ bp medication has been changed too many times to remember now, each with a hospital stay. Her heart specialist said she is on the correct medication now there is nothing medically or surgically that can be done to improve things unfortunately.