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Bereavement

Thoughtful gift ideas for distressed friend

(25 Posts)
JustkeepswimmingDonna Fri 09-Feb-24 20:44:12

A dear friend of mine is having a tough time right now. Her husband is terminally ill and maybe only has a few months to live (he's 59). I want to get her something that will comfort her but I need some ideas. I thought of a big soft cuddly bear (or similar) but obviously she's not 5 anymore so would that seem odd? I've bought her flowers and chocolates already. And she knows I'm here if she needs me. But some ideas for a comforting gift would be lovely.

Sago Fri 09-Feb-24 20:46:52

I think support is the greatest gift you can give.
Just be there and if you can make her the odd lasagne, cake etc then that will be a big help.

MissInterpreted Fri 09-Feb-24 20:49:50

I agree. Just be there for her if and when she needs you, and a home cooked meal or baked cake etc, would be nice.

sodapop Fri 09-Feb-24 20:52:49

How about a couple of books so she can escape reality for a little while. Some luxury toiletries so she can relax in the bath.

crazyH Fri 09-Feb-24 20:59:59

Sad - so young. Just give her your time, when she needs you - for a chat, for shopping , whatever. A cake, a pie (sweet or savoury ). It’s hard isn’t it to see your friends going through this ?

keepingquiet Fri 09-Feb-24 22:02:11

I agree- just give her the gift of your time. We often feel helpless in these situations and feel that a concrete object will somehow show we care. She knows you care by being there- take her for a coffee, go for a walk. My SIL is going through the same thing so I feel I'm there to keep things 'normal' as she won't want her attention to be focussed on the things she going through. Just do the normal things you do with her- she'll love just doing those things for a while.

Harris27 Fri 09-Feb-24 22:07:54

Your time will be all that she needs. But why not take her out for a coffee or lunch just to give her a break and some her time?

MissAdventure Fri 09-Feb-24 22:47:56

I'd go for something practical.
Perhaps pay for a pedicure by a visiting chiropidist or whoever it is that could do a lovely foot massage and do her toenails (and his)

Or a gift card for a coffee shop or something.

MissAdventure Fri 09-Feb-24 22:50:17

Oh, I don't know how her husbands appetite is, but assuming he is ok, you could have an afternoon tea delivered to her house.

maddyone Sat 10-Feb-24 04:16:28

Nice ideas MissAdventure.
As others have said, give your time and a listening ear. And a hug.

65KL Sat 10-Feb-24 05:11:24

If she is caring for him at home and she feels she can't leave him alone offer your time to stay with him so she can get away for a little time .
I really appreciated that while caring for my mum

BlueBelle Sat 10-Feb-24 06:28:16

Why not give her a break offer to sit with her husband while she goes out or if you want an actual present, a massage is lovely to help her relax and do something for herself in the middle of all this sadness
Not a teddy though

fancythat Sat 10-Feb-24 07:47:20

No, not a teddy.
Some fancy hot chocolate?

NotAGran55 Sat 10-Feb-24 07:50:49

How about a cosy heated throw for each of them? Like a big hug around you.

Aveline Sat 10-Feb-24 07:53:52

When a friend was in a similar situation with a very ill husband she told me that she felt very lonely. Everything was about her husband and how he was. It was a life of hospital visits and visiting staff.
She said she really it when someone phoned just for a chat. Could you do this? As others said, just your time and interest could be very helpful. Good luck.

Knitandnatter Sat 10-Feb-24 08:07:05

There is no finer gift than your support and time. Let her know that you are with her for however long she needs you.
Perhaps you could offer to sit with her husband whilst she gets a few hours respite?

JustkeepswimmingDonna Sat 10-Feb-24 14:42:23

Thank you everyone for your brilliant ideas 😚

Norah Sat 10-Feb-24 14:57:37

If she has storage space, likes pretty crockery - perhaps purchase a pretty tureen at a charity shop. Make a delicious pot of warming lentil soup and loaves of bread. She and her husband could enjoy a tureen of soup?

Skydancer Sat 10-Feb-24 15:03:29

How about some nice magazines.

NotSpaghetti Sat 10-Feb-24 15:11:14

Aveline

When a friend was in a similar situation with a very ill husband she told me that she felt very lonely. Everything was about her husband and how he was. It was a life of hospital visits and visiting staff.
She said she really it when someone phoned just for a chat. Could you do this? As others said, just your time and interest could be very helpful. Good luck.

This was my friend too.
Short visits with home made meals and lot's of "just saying hello" phone calls was my way.
And a delivery from "Cook"

VioletSky Sat 10-Feb-24 15:56:08

I agree support is the best thing

Is she able to leave him? Maybe you could take her out for lunch for a few hours and just chat about other things so she can have a break?

Grammaretto Sat 10-Feb-24 16:07:06

When I was in your df position it was lockdown so we were trapped at home most of the time. Friends would phone and bring shopping with extra treats of hot X buns and lovely fruit.
One df brought fish and chips every Friday evening and we'd sit in the garden and eat it.
Another friend would text to see if I was free for a walk and that still continues now, 3 years after he died.
Friends are so important.

pascal30 Sat 10-Feb-24 16:19:32

Your time and maybe a lovely essential oil or rescue remedy..

Squiffy Sat 10-Feb-24 16:44:14

We have just been through a devastating time and a friend, who doesn't live near us, sent me a bracelet made up of semi-precious stones, which are supposed to help with grief. I'm not too sure about how much they actually help, but when I'm feeling edgy, I roll the bracelet around in my hand and find that quite therapeutic. Plus, it reminds me that my friend is thinking about me and is concerned.

Aveline Sat 10-Feb-24 17:55:43

That's lovely Squiffy. It can be small things too. I was so touched when having a bad time and my friend posted me a bar of chocolate.