Would you be a little hurt…

Maybe she doesn't want TWO holidays with grandparents.
I wouldn't have chosen to do that either to be honest as holidays are nice to just enjoy your own little family I feel.

Please don't take it to heart. They came with you last year.
💐

In answer to "would I be hurt?" - no, I wouldn't... I'm sorry that you are.

Yes I would be upset we go away once a year with our children and grandchildren and have a lovely time together
Apart from your unfortunate illness last year is there any reason to think this could happen again? I know going away with grandchildren can be tiring are you normally able to keep up with this.

Yes I would be hurt.

However there's nothing to stop your son and the children having their usual short break with you, if she doesn't want to come, is there? Especially as he's upset about it?

That's for them to decide between themselves of course.

@ NotSpaghetti
But why does it have to be her parents they go away with and not my husband and myself?
My son has made it clear he would rather go with us as we don’t see that much of them and a few days break is wonderful for spending time with my grandchildren.

Like Notspaghetti it wouldn't bother me at all, but then we talk everything through in our immediate and extended family. So this would have been discussed, understood and complied with.

@ V3ra
That’s a lovely idea but there’s no way my son would be allowed to take the children away in his own.

@Rosie1959
We take our own cars and are not under each others’ feet when we go away. They go off and do their thing and we go with them sometimes and do our own on other days.
We early together and spend evenings together.

Eat together I mean.

@Monica
You are very lucky, unfortunately that wouldn’t work in this situation.

There’s no point in being competitive and asking why they choose to go away with her parents and not you. It won’t get you anywhere and you will just upset yourself more and more and maybe end up ‘having words’. I have found that being grateful for the time you do have with the family, and not comparing with how much time they spend with the in laws, leads to acceptance and contentment. The daughter’s family generally is more favoured I think. Perhaps next year they will go away with you, who knows? Be grateful for what you have got and don’t dwell on what you haven’t.

MoaningTurtle, please don't let this eat you up! I understand your are hurt but if your DIL does'nt want to go on holiday with you why would you want to do that ? It may be that she simply wants a holiday with her DH and their children - just them and perfectly understandable. She may prefer a holiday with her own parents and hard as that is a daughter may well lean towards her own parents rather than her parents in law - again very understandable! It is a complex situation, I can only say that when we were bringing up a young family I loved going away with just my DH and our children. Clearly you are upset but try and ride this out for the sake of everyone, I am sure your son would rather go away with you but he has his wife to consider and trust me regardless of his feelings he will side with her - it's inevitable so I am afraid you are going to have to accept this or damage the relationship you have with your son . He may well be as upset as you but is in a very difficult situation so if you cause a scene about this you are only adding to his anxiety and I am sure that is the last thing you want to do. Accept their decision, smile and book yourself a lovely break at the same time your son , DIL and GC are away and very importantly enjoy it !
Family situations like this can rapidly damage family relationships, please do not allow that to happen.

Our son and his family go abroad often every year to stay with our DILs family. Our daughter and her family go to resorts abroad we have been asked to join them occasionally but didn’t.

They are not holidays that appeal to us at all we are quite happy to have short holidays in the UK. We have travelled abroad in the past on our own and with friends it suited us then it doesn’t now.

I really wouldn’t take your families decision to heart don’t let it spoil your relationship it’s just a holiday.

MoaningTurtle

@ V3ra
That’s a lovely idea but there’s no way my son would be allowed to take the children away in his own.

Allowed?

They are his children. He doesn’t need permission.

I would pull on my big-girl pants, get together with my son and plan a holiday with my OH, DS and the grandchildren and totally disregard the self-centred DIL. If she wants to behave like an entitled brat then she is welcome to do so.

And I have just missed the comment from the OP that her son is NOT allowed to take the children away on his own!!!!!
That is not a happy marriage and is doomed; what a dreadful, spiteful, coercive, controlling bitch your DIL is.

No, I wouldn't be hurt. I'd wait quietly, see how the next trip unfolds. Odd to keep a count of who goes to which holiday, imo.

I'd never discuss their holidays either. I'd mind my business.

Personally I prefer holidays with friends and acquaintances. I don’t mind maybe once a year with children and grandchildren, it is nice but not very relaxing. They like to do different things, they are young and just have different interests.

Sounds as if DIL rules the roast! If your son is upset he should tell his wife he is. It probably won’t change things but at the moment does she presume there’s no problem.

I go away with daughters and grandchildren a couple of times a year and sometimes they go on their own and I go with a friend. I understand you would be upset I would be too

Knitandnatter

And I have just missed the comment from the OP that her son is NOT allowed to take the children away on his own!!!!!
That is not a happy marriage and is doomed; what a dreadful, spiteful, coercive, controlling bitch your DIL is.

Bit of a sweeping and unnecessary statement

Oh no, Knitandnatter. That would cause a huge fall out. Wanting to spend a holiday with her parents doesn’t make the daughter in law a self-centred, entitled brat. What a horrible thing to say.

Knitandnatter how nasty to call someone a controlling bitch. We don't know all the details or the DIL reasons.
The son must take responsibility for himself, and if he chooses to let his wife make the desitions that is on him.
I understand why the OP is hurt though.

Wanting to spend a holiday with her parents doesn’t make the daughter in law a self-centred, entitled brat.

Harsh words indeed, however the point here is that up to last year the family has had a short break with both sets of grandparents (as well as by themselves), now the paternal grandparents are to be left out and the children's father gets no say about it.

rosie1959

Knitandnatter

And I have just missed the comment from the OP that her son is NOT allowed to take the children away on his own!!!!!
That is not a happy marriage and is doomed; what a dreadful, spiteful, coercive, controlling bitch your DIL is.

Bit of a sweeping and unnecessary statement

Knitandnatter has no idea why the daughter in law doesn’t want her husband to take the children away on his own. He may not be very responsible when it comes to childcare - my first husband certainly wasn’t. What a thoroughly nasty thing to say about the daughter in law and the marriage. I can’t imagine what sort of mother in law Knitandnatter is. Or maybe I can …