How late can a birthday present be?

I suppose everyone feels differently about it.

I'd quite like a lunch that didn't have to be on the day, or even near it.

I quite enjoy having a birthday treat ages after my actual birthday.

I would be happy if it was before the next one!

Birthday treats could easily be months late in my opinion.

It sounds as though Friday is her only free day, when she probably has to fit everything in. I would be happy to be bought lunch any time, it wouldn’t have to be close to my birthday. If you speak a couple of times a week she obviously makes time for you.

If she only has one day off then I suppose she gets booked up and is quite busy . Retired people often forget how manic life is when you’re working .
I’m happy with lunch anytime, and if it’s a way away , it’s something to look forward to.

Perhaps your friend is just disorganised

Although I can understand that she has one day a week to herself to get stuff done, it has to be acknowledged that we only get one birthday a year and it is pretty poor that she is so lax in not making more effort.
I don't buy into the excuse that people are just far too busy to plan a lunch date, purchase a gift or even ensure that a birthday
card arrives in the post BEFORE the actual birthday.

Perhaps it is time to take a step back and don't make the effort for her next time it's her birthday, if she can't be bothered then why should you?

Instead of hinting ask her outright if she wants to make a date to have your birthday lunch, if she wont make a date then she either doesn’t want to or cannot afford it.

Wouldn’t bother me. I’d be pleased to have another birthday treat.

My OH has just started his new birthday year! He like s to make it stretch out as long as possible!
I would just enjoy the meal and the company, and say thank you!

Maybe I am being unreasonable, reading the responses. However, she only works part time hours the four days she works. We are usually on the phone for an hour each time with me listening to her problems, she doesn’t unburden herself to her other friends as she doesn’t want to come across as a whinge! But, she does make time to meet up with her work colleagues or people from her past on Fridays, so I guess maybe I feel a bit put out that my birthday takes so long to be celebrated.

I'm still waiting for my promised birthday afternoon tea about four months after my birthday .
I've decided just to leave it .
My friend's birthday is coming up soon and she might fleetingly remember that she forgot mine .
In her defence , she has become incredibly confused , lost her job for being inefficient and I never know if I'm coming or going with her .
I look back and recall that she had Covid badly though she was not hospitalised and that she's changed radically since then .
She's blaming the menopause .
I am really concerned that she has the beginnings of dementia .
Her GP doesn't seem to be taking her concerns seriously .

Well, I would be really settled to go on a birthday lunch anytime. She obviously has a lot on. We're all different and its obviously niggling you enough to ask others.
Cherish your friendship for what it is and if your birthday lunch is weeks later, so what! At least it's happened.

😃

It sounds to me like she's using you when it suits her and doesn't value you for yourself.
Sorry ☹️

Nandad this is clearly bothering you. I'm guessing that you like an organised life (as do I).

I wonder if you could take each other out for a joint birthday lunch somewhere between the two dates? You pay for her and she pays for you? Make sure the venue and time are of your choosing so that it is a treat for you.
If she can't make it could you say, 'Oh never mind, I'll take NNN'?

Esmay I’m sorry to hear about your friend. Covid has left so many people with undiagnosed long term problems, and it just keeps on giving.
Iixy I like your idea and yes, I like organisation. It’s almost like I can’t plan anything for Fridays until we have our lunch and when it’s so long after my birthday it feels like it’s not about me anymore,

Thank you nandad .
It's hard to suggest that my friend's confusion might have been caused by Covid
I remember the time line exactly and she doesn't .
One thing , which continually strikes me - she has almost all concept of time .

Esmay, the menopause can really affect you in the way you describe. I found that my disorganisation got far worse. Now we are going back over my history because I thought I was suffering with dementia but now they suspect ADHD which has been made worse by age and hormones. Incidentally, having no concept of time is classic ADHD!
As for your Birthday treat, I'd accept whatever you get as being the thought that counts. My son is always late with the meal out but I know he is time poor and ADHD so even though it doesn't look very thoughtful, it is.

What a mountain out of a molehill!!
She remembers your birthday and eventually celebrates it with you. I would be more miffed if she forgot, maybe, though I certainly w ouldn't tell her.
Few of us have any idea of everything that is gong on in someone else's life. I know that there are things going on in my life that I do not share with my closest of friends, for a number of reasons. Maybe there are very understandable reason why she cannot arrange a lunch date sooner.
If you have a friend that communicates with you regularly then that seems to me to be a great blessing, and the lunch issue is just trivial - - even petty.

Your friend sounds like me! I love my friends dearly but I forget cards & gifts quiet easily. We meet up for a girls night in spring/summer and camping trips throughout the year. I love spending time with my other half, my children & grandchildren & my friends.
None of us expect anything from me nor I from them.
All I can say is be happy with yourself & 'your lot'. Too many of us depend on returned happenings or favours.

I’m with you on this nandad as a birthday celebration is only such if it is near you birthday I think.
Everyone saying it can be any time well no it can’t! Lunch out can be anytime but a birthday one has to be near your special day I think and in my opinion nandads friend is being unkind.
Having said that I am still waiting for my Christmas present from a friend who lives nearby. I think she might as well just open it and use herself.

Nandad, it’s understandable why this upsets you. I may have had the benefit of reading your additional comment in the thread than others. You are clearly the emotional support for your friend and I feel this is what prompts her to be in touch 3 times a week via phone? The fact she arranges meet ups with other friends on a Friday must hurt you. It’s wonderful she and her husband like to spend all their weekends together. Though that she can’t give one Saturday afternoon a year to spend with a dear friend that lets her unburden all her worries so that her other friends don’t find her whingy tells you a lot about your friend. You are the more caring and considerate. It’s up to you how you choose to handle this imbalance in your friendship. I wish you well.

nandad

Maybe I am being unreasonable, reading the responses. However, she only works part time hours the four days she works. We are usually on the phone for an hour each time with me listening to her problems, she doesn’t unburden herself to her other friends as she doesn’t want to come across as a whinge! But, she does make time to meet up with her work colleagues or people from her past on Fridays, so I guess maybe I feel a bit put out that my birthday takes so long to be celebrated.

I'd be fuming. I hate things like this, it's not difficult to know when a friends birthday is. I'd purposely forget her birthday next time.
Incidentally, my husbands birthday was beginning of February. Still no card from his own sister. Its lazy not to remember.

It’s never too late! At our age we should be celebrating our AGE (not our birth necessarily) by going to lunch any time and as often as we want throughout the year.

I announced at my 70th birthday - I am DONE with birthday parties, on my behalf! That didn’t work - as much as I hate having my birthday, my friends don’t let me do that. Oh well.

In my head I’m forever frozen at age 70, just the way I like it.