DDoD- DD on diet, phone, hobby horse(es)

What a shame and after you'd looked forward to her visit too. Doesn't sound as though her new diet is doing her much good. Is she maybe unwell?
It's hard being a parent and doesn't seem to get easier.

Your daughter sounds disrespectful and a tad childish. Next time (if there is a next time) I would ask her beforehand what her current dietary requirements are so that you’re not wasting any food. ( I would have frozen any foods not eaten.)

I missed a chunk out, sorry.
My daughter is single, early thirties, youngest of three girls,
since the summer, in a close relationship with a man the same age as her, also unmarried, no children, met through friends.

She is educated, astute, thoughtful, her grasp on complex issues occasionally astonishing.
Why is it then, that she is unable to see how neurotic she has become and how disagreeable her manner? She is 33, not a recalcitrant teenager, she was always a sweet natured teen.
Is it perhaps a delayed something or other?

Today I feel wrung out, planning on steak and chips for dinner, mega glass of red wine, stilton, apple and cheese biscuits, feeling rebellious! how ridiculous.

Poppyred

Your daughter sounds disrespectful and a tad childish. Next time (if there is a next time) I would ask her beforehand what her current dietary requirements are so that you’re not wasting any food. ( I would have frozen any foods not eaten.)

I considered her behaviour to be totally disrespectful and more than a tad childish - as though she was someone I did not really know.

What she didn’t take home with her I binned, apart from the veg which I stir fried and had for lunch.
I will not see her now until February

Oh OG you must be feeling so upset and disappointed right now. I’m sending you a virtual hug.

Your daughter sounds intense but perhaps not happy? I wonder too if she may have underlying issues with anxiety on some level? Sometimes people who do have anxiety like to be in control of something - imposing rules and restrictions that they follow to give themselves inner confidence. Her berating of your choices is part of that (if applicable). She’s “seen the light” and wants to put you straight.

Of course I may be wide of the mark so I’ll shut up.
😁

I hope you enjoyed your lovely meal that you chose, does sound nice.
I haven't anything to add to the other comments made except your last statement in your OP is very wrong.
You are not to blame.

I really have no time for anyone, family or not, who imposes their lifestyle, beliefs, or dietary fads on me and sneers or scoffs at the way I choose to live. I would be happy to cater for someone with dietary choices different to my own though.
Had this been my daughter she would have had a few stern words in her ear, been reminded of her roots and told to either lump it or b****r off home.

Oh dear, perhaps she needs some help. She sounds as if she has become obsessive about her diet.

Being coeliac or lactose intolerant is difficult enough to cope with but those conditions can cause severe illness.
This sounds as if it could perhaps be an eating disorder due to other things going on in her life. That is not a medical diagnosis btw, just an observation.

Don't take it personally. Could one of her siblings have a chat with her without being judgemental and see if anything is causing this? Perhaps persuade her to see her GP who might refer her to a dietitian?

I blame the parents. No, don't.

Enjoy your steak and

I agree with Urmstongran's post.

Perhaps the key lies with the new man 🤔

feeling rebellious!
Go for it!!

Her behaviour sounds rude, uncalled for and immature. She owes you an apology.
I agree there is more to this than meets the eye. Good idea to ask her sisters to check she is ok.

I may be misquoting the OP, but in our house the phrase “I blame the parents”, is an ironic joke.

Sarah74

I may be misquoting the OP, but in our house the phrase “I blame the parents”, is an ironic joke.

Yes, we say it

Or "Was it something we said?"

This young lady doesn't sound very well and seems to have a bit of an eating disorder.
Try to keep talking to her and look up how to help her. Perhaps ask your gp for advice .
She really needs to see her own Dr but that's not going to be easy.
Not your fault. She will need your support.

DDoD ?

I was trying to work out why poster blames herself and her parenting never heard that said about yourself before
and I ve no idea what DDoD..DD means in the title Guessing the DD is darling daughter who doesn’t sound a darling at all but what DDoD means I ve no idea

Well it’s been a disappointment for your but unfortunately she’s chosen her path (for now) and all you can do is let her get on with it and take little notice of any sneering at your food purchases She may well have an eating disorder or she may be grabbing at what she can control if her own life is not in her control
Do you know the partner ?
So when she comes in February I wouldnt buy in any special food or cook anything until you know what state her diet is it
Then maybe laugh it all off and say I didn’t know what your likes and dislikes would be so I ll leave it to you to buy what you need and we can both cater for ourselves that way we won’t annoy each other
Does she come for a week every time ?

I think that your daughter is on a diet that suits her (at the moment) and is trying to convert you. She didn’t go about it in a very nice way though.

I have vegetarians, lactose intolerant, low carb dieters in my family, they often try to tell me that their way is the best.

I usually ignore it, although I know I should be eating less meat, to help save the Planet( that’s another thing that often gets discussed at the table) .
I love my family to bits and I appreciate that they feel strongly about things, but it’s their lifestyle at the end of the day, so I just roll with it.
However, I would never throw vegetarian food away, try it - you might like it!

It's not really about the food though, is it...?

thank you for replies and humour - yes I blame the parents is ironic, wondering, where did I go wrong with this one? thanks for letting me off that hook! but apparently it is my fault for spoiling her (the last child) sigh.
The diet is self imposed I know not why, there does not seem to be rhyme nor reason, it isn’t as though I do not cook properly and offer junk food ??
The link between new, well educated, politically verbose new man I have not met but heard quoted every few seconds has to be relevant.
Mentionitis as Bridget Jones would say.
Intense, yes, gave me a headache.
It’s the self righteousness which I found tedious.

She has emailed saying she had a lovely week with me thank you.

Is it only me who realises the day is dark and reaches for the wine bottle only to see on the kitchen clock that it is not yet 4.30 and settles for a pot of Earl Grey.

I also think it is not about the food

The dd may be making the wrong decisions, maybe not

She is clearly making different choices than the ones you made at her age

Why not let her cook and buy her own food when she is there?
That way everybody is happy

Also, if you know she was difficult with her diet of choice years ago, why expect a different outcome now?

I detect a bit of infantilization in your post- she is an adult after all

Why do you think you went wrong raising her?

She is just making her own decisions

She has emailed saying she had a lovely week with me thank you

That's good.
Different perceptions.

Just keep smiling. 🙂

I think though that this can happen when your children have lived away from home for a long time. Their life experiences are different and they do become people that you don't really know any more.
Doesn't mean you don't love them any more, just that you are not on the same wavelength as them. You might wish they were a bit different, but they are themselves and we have to deal with who they are, not our vision of them.

crazyH

DDoD ?

Darling daughter on diet?

It can be awkward with grown children, especially those with strong views and a 'passion'.
Your post reminds me of my dd. I often felt criticised, still do at times, but think they just want us to see the(ir) light.
She sent thanks and had a good time. Thats a relief. Go now and enjoy a glass (after the Earl Grey of course.).