Retirement/finishing work

I'm about to retire, and have a list of things to keep me sane occupied, (some already in place). Loneliness is a killer.
1. Get a dog.
2. Join local clubs or groups.
3. Volunteering.
4. Travel, even little visits.
5. Keep smiling, it helps morale.
I think what you are feeling is quite normal, but it's up to you to work on it and make changes.
Good luck.

Keepingquiet, I am so sympathetic. I retired after doing an extra year, because I loved my job so much. It was very physical, so I could not really have carried on any further. But my first year was horrendous, I felt I was floundering around trying to fit into something. It has taken 2 full years for me to accept my new normal. I do keep busy, and we bought a little puppy a few months ago. The puppy has been a great addition to our life, and we have a purpose to the day.
But aside from the puppy, we were developing a different routine, for us both, keeping busy most mornings, and putting our feet up in the afternoon. We do gardening, or puzzles, housework, a bit of d.i.y. etc.
The trick is to try not to dwell on the past, and idealise it, just think of the physical drain of going to work every day, had become. You will come to value the peace and quiet, and the time you have to yourselves, especially in the summer.
And then there are the grandchldren, who we can see more regularly, and help occasionally fetching them from school.
Just give yourself time, because eventually it will fall into place, but I know it is hard to believe this in the beginning.

It's a big adjustment keepingquiet don't expect things to fall into place all at once.
Plan some treats for yourself, do some of those jobs round the house you have been putting off. Have you thought about volunteering ? There is a lot of pleasure to be had from helping others. Don't commit to too much too soon though looks around and see where you can help most and use your skills. In the meantime take time just to smell the roses. Good luck.

Keeping quiet I too ( retired 5 months ago) have been surprised by my loss of confidence since fully retiring. I miss my colleagues and the social contact too and being useful and respected at work. I expected to be a bit lost when I stopped work ( without the routine) and actually retired when I had many other things to sort out ( I’m also a carer) so had a list of things I needed to do. It’s taken me a while to find a new rhythm. My DH still works part time mostly from home and is also struggling to adapt to having me around and can get very grumpy!
I haven’t much advice yet! I agree - keep smiling! Treat yourself to small things - notice the bird song or the sunsets or whatever makes you smile. Try to get out most days.
It is nice to slow down and I certainly don’t miss the early starts for commuting or the constant juggling!

Thankyou- maybe my expectations were too high after being in public service for 50 years. It is the loss of that sense of knowing stuff, being valued by others, doing my job well.

I have no intention of getting a dog- I do my daily walk anyway and don't want the commitment and/or additional expense of keeping a pet.

I'm not a 'joiner' though I think if I found a group interesting enough I'd give it a go.

I have joined up for vounteering but the process of vetting and making contact I'm finding very slow- but I do hope this will be productive for me once it gets going.

I don't have the funds for my travel plans, but I do try to get out even to local places, the winter doesn't help though. Certainly once the spring is here I may go places.

Yes, it is definately up to me to make changes and I have no one else to prod me!

Work was never a physical drain, but in the end I did begin to get very tired, and now I can nap as much as I like! Wowee.

The grandkids do help for sure- I should be very thankful for them, and am.

I miss people though, having a laugh, being valued- will that go away? I really hope so.

Joseann

I'm about to retire, and have a list of things to keep me sane occupied, (some already in place). Loneliness is a killer.
1. Get a dog.
2. Join local clubs or groups.
3. Volunteering.
4. Travel, even little visits.
5. Keep smiling, it helps morale.
I think what you are feeling is quite normal, but it's up to you to work on it and make changes.
Good luck.

I agree to try to find out about the above BEFORE you actually retire
Eg find out about a rescue do or find a dog breeder with a suitable litter 2 months before retirement date
Book trips for that first empty month
Find out about volunteering soonest etc

I'd add think about what enjoyed in the past, but ditched when work hot too much. Crafts, photography, art you've never touched since school.
Start a new hobby, family history, new language, musical instrument, join a choir.

A friend asked me last week how I'd felt when I actually retired. She said she felt lost with not dissimilar symptoms to yours keepingquiet.

I agree - I miss being valued! I think we will adapt and find our way. It’s a new phase of life. I had planned to go back to fill in (NHS) as needed ( but when I stopped I realised how very tired I was). Now I think I will take my time to find something less demanding that suits my skill set rather than my experience.
Spring is only a few weeks away. Best wishes.

As I have written before on here, DH and I started a new business, 18 months after "retirement".
In a nutshell, he got bored. We rather all knew he would.

Even if you dont choose to do paid work again, you could tell yourself you do have that option?

I wouldnt let your age get in the way of new opportunities.

I was keen to keep weekends special so always try to have something organised to do each week day. I go to classes two days a week, volunteer two days a week and the other week day is for food shopping or lunches out with friends.
It is definitely a very different pace of life but I like it. Easier starts in the morning are good. I also found driving much nicer as the roads seem quieter when everyone else is at work.
Good luck.

It is not a question of whether you are a 'joiner' or not. For many people their contact with other people came from the daily contact with the people they worked with and the people who were in their lives incidentally as a result of their working.

When you retire you need to replace that social contact. One of the biggest causes of early death and mental health problems among the elderly is loneliness, So whether you are a 'joiner' or not you need to find away to give structure to your life and to get out of the house, not just walks and in significant contact with other people.

There are a number of ways you can do this, one is by joining something, even if it is only the local knit and hatter club once a week.

Our village has a 'warm space' in the village hall that is open one day a week and serves a simple lunch or coffee and cakes. If you have anything similar near you, you could just wander down there have soup and a roll or a sandwich, but you would soon become familiar with the regulars.

Joining things doesn't mean joining social groups or classes or working in a chairty shop.

When I first retired I volunteered with Age UK and used my work skills to visit people at home to complete benefit forms and pick up other problems they had. I was part of a team, it was much like work.

We are currently on the move. We are moving about a 100 miles to somewhere totally unfamiliar. I have already scanned various wbsites and decided what I will join or volunteer for to help us settle and develop social networks somewhere un familiar.

For me I will be seeing if the local museum could do with an extra voluteer. I will probably join the University of the the Third Age, not because it is particularly my thing but because I will meet people and hopefully soon know that when I go to the supermarket and town centre i might walk intosomeone I could say'Hallo' to.

Often in life we have to do what is in our best interests rather than what we want to do. So you may not be a joiner, but it is in your best interest to build a new social structure for retirement and that may require you to join things, for at least a short period.

Thankyou Monica-you seem to have the right attitude and I suppose I make excuses. One of them is that I moved to a village five years ago and I have put my name down to join things, been to coffee mornings etc as you say but I don't feel that 'welcome'- more like 'who the hell are you, and I'll talk to you in when you've been here ten years' kind of thing. I say hello and stuff to people in the street which is nice but that's all it it- nice weather etc.
U3A is an idea but the classes are often oversubscribed with long waiting lists.
I appreciate your response though- I really should motivate myself into 'joining' something, if only I could find out what it is...!

The only way to find out what it is .... is to try different things , may not work out first or second time , but you may have fun discovering what it is

I agree that this can be a difficult time and I really don’t think I would cope without seeing my GC although this is about once every 2 weeks because of all their commitments. Being a dog owner isn’t for me as I like spontaneous outings and don’t enjoy muddy walks! I’ve dabbled a bit in U3A but it seems very cliquey and most of the activities don’t appeal to me. It may sound ridiculous to some of you but I’ve never had a hobby in my life! I read and like entertaining and tv and the occasional theatre trip. I’m going to get back into volunteering which all stopped during Covid.

After reading an article in the guardian about resilience, I have ordered The Book about Getting Older by Dr Lucy Pollock and am hoping that will help me negotiate this time of my life.

February and winter grey wet weather doesn't help.
I have been retired for 14 years and didn't make any plans and it has drifted a bit. But I have never been a great plan maker. In my life things just happen for good or bad. . Ill health, hospital treatment and Covid turned things upside down.

So I am feeling the same Keepingquiet although further down the path and am reading the replies with great interest.

Join a church, you don’t have to attend every week, but they have groups and things to do, and you’ll meet some friends.

Some of the posters on this thread has spoken about feeling less valued and respected on quitting work. For many people feelings of self worth are invested in something outside of themselves, such as a job, family, or relationship. It sounds like a form of imposter syndrome.The implication here is to find something inside yourself which confers worth and value.

I was fortunate in that although I drew my state pension at 60 I went into doing consultancy and then gradually transferred to self employment. So I never had a stage when I didnt "do anything" or feel the need to justify my existence by volunteering, joining a group and so on.

My grandmother always used to say that people treat you in the way that you teach "them" to treat you.

I know of no law that says you cannot exist and flourish simply for yourself.

I think it’s pretty ‘normal’, Keepingquiet… retirement is a whole new chapter and takes some navigating…
It’s almost as though one has to be more flexible/adaptable when you retire. Also, I have described it as ‘coming face to face with myself’ to a couple of ex-colleagues, which is very unnerving!
I’m not a joiner, but it does seem important to get out of the house once a day. Voluntary work is good - makes you feel useful and gives you a bit of a routine, but finding the right sort takes a while… sigh…
Good luck, and please remember you are not alone in this…

aonk

I agree that this can be a difficult time and I really don’t think I would cope without seeing my GC although this is about once every 2 weeks because of all their commitments. Being a dog owner isn’t for me as I like spontaneous outings and don’t enjoy muddy walks! I’ve dabbled a bit in U3A but it seems very cliquey and most of the activities don’t appeal to me. It may sound ridiculous to some of you but I’ve never had a hobby in my life! I read and like entertaining and tv and the occasional theatre trip. I’m going to get back into volunteering which all stopped during Covid.

Because I live on the S Coast I gave access to several separate U3As. The activities offered vary considerably. But as someone once said, if none of the groups appeal, start your own.

A friend joined WI, found it very traditional and wasn't inspired. However there was another a couple of miles down the road that was much more to her taste.

Keep looking

I don't think volunteering is 'justifying my existence'. It's an interesting and sociable thing for me to do. I do it because I want to and enjoy it.

I like the term "coming face to face with myself" Woollywoman. Very apt.

An "OK what now "moment. Interesting to read other GNs thoughts.

I did volunteering when quite young as a London Hospital radio presenter, so it isn't just for retirees who need to feel valued. As Aveline says, it's interesting and you learn new skills along the way.

Keeping the body and brain active is on my list.

I too took retirement from NHS it lasted 3 months, I ex boss asked me if I could Locum, 9 years later I'm still working on the Hospital Bank 2 days a week,
I have regular days,I worked all through the pandemic and it's only now I think I might call it a day, but I too am worried what will I do?
DH loves his volunteering, he's happy just reading the paper and doing nothing, but me I really don't know what to do? I'm not over keen on volunteering (depends on what it is?) but worry I will become bored with my life after being in an environment where I meet so many people, and my career which I thrive in.

Think carefully perhaps take a few months off, take it easy and good luck.

My first retirement, aged 60, lasted eight months, the first six of them spent travelling, the next two bored witless.

I planned more for the second retirement at 65 - set up a volunteering gig doing something interesting, mapped out some travel, acquired an allotment, gloried in the idea of having enough time to tackle a few more long-distance paths…. Instead of any of that, I’ve had two long-lasting mobility destroying injuries, and now hip arthritis, which have gradually trashed my sense of self along with my cherished active lifestyle. I almost ripped the head off some well-meaning person who told me I should think myself lucky I can walk at all a couple of weeks back (even though I know they were right).

Not sure what the point of that self-pitying whine is, really, because it certainly wasn’t meant to be ‘count your blessings’ - it was more to say ‘carpe diem’, I suppose. I think what has helped me is consciously thinking about what I miss, emotionally and physically, and what might replace those things. While I’m not there yet, I’m certainly doing better than I was even six months ago.