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Care & carers

88yr old dad wants to go in care whilst I'm on holiday

(44 Posts)
AngieT Thu 19-Oct-23 15:01:00

My widowed dad is usually fit & mobile but recent falls have meant he has a broken rib & loss of confidence. He lives alone in his own home & I've been caring for him whilst he recovers. My only sibling is unwell & his wife has MS. I'm due to go on holiday in 4 weeks time & my dad today said he would like to go in a care home (respite) whilst I'm away. I'm pretty sure he won't be eligible for financial help so I wondered how I could arrange a short stay in a residential home for him at his expense. I'm a bit lost due to his sudden decision and the lack of time to arrange anything. I would be grateful for any suggestions. TIA

silverlining48 Thu 19-Oct-23 15:04:01

You might enquire around local care homes or contact age uk
Otherwise ring your dads local social services.

DollyD Thu 19-Oct-23 15:14:40

You could make enquiries with local residential care homes and hopefully one will have a space for the 4 weeks.
When my Dad was in residential care, they quite often had people staying for a few weeks after being in hospital.
Even if you have to go a bit further afield, it won’t matter, as you wouldn’t be visiting.
A family member of mine went 60 miles away to recuperate near the sea and loved it.

AngieT Thu 19-Oct-23 15:20:08

Thank you. Adult Services will take too long to arrange somewhere in time & at the end of it all dad won't be eligible for financial help from them anyway. Time & how to go about it is my main worry.

AngieT Thu 19-Oct-23 15:22:06

I have made a list of homes that provide respite care so I'm thinking I will need to start ringing around in the hope I can find somewhere with a vacancy & that my brother can still visit, even though he is unwell himself.

Nannarose Thu 19-Oct-23 15:24:59

It's sometimes useful to ask around your neighbours and friends. Otherwise, just search locally for something that seems to fit the bill.
I have to say that I think this an excellent idea. Your father has a limited time there, so if it doesn't suit, he isn't 'stuck'. It will help him think about whether a care home would be a good future option, and if so, whether the one he's in would suit. He'll get an idea of what to look out for in the future.
The only slight disadvantage is the short notice, giving you less choice, but even so, I think you'll get a good idea.
I also think it thoughtful of him so remove worries from you & your sibling.

annsixty Thu 19-Oct-23 15:26:06

When I needed a break from caring for my H with Alzheimer’s he went into a residential home three times for up to 2 weeks each time.
However he had a social worker, arranged when he came out of hospital after a bad fall and needed extra help for a few weeks.
She did the arrangements.
I paid a proportion of the full fee.
Arranging it privately could cost over £4000 .
I am sure if you rang a couple of homes in your area about respite care you would be able to arrange it.

annsixty Thu 19-Oct-23 15:28:02

Sorry whilst I was typing others have said the same thing.
I hope you can sort something which suits you all.

seadragon Thu 19-Oct-23 16:11:15

@AngieT - this may be worth a look if you haven't already consulted them:
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/helping-a-loved-one/respite-care/ - If you have a local branch they may be able to advise you of local options too. As a retired social worker I am sad that "Social Services would take too long", but I don't dispute your view on this. Mrs Thatcher and Mr Cameron will be pleased, with the transfer of public services through "Community Care" and onto charities - though.

BiscuitQueen Thu 19-Oct-23 16:25:43

About 12 months ago I enquired with a local care home if they could look after my 85 year old mum whilst I went on holiday. They quoted £895 a week.

Sago Thu 19-Oct-23 16:30:45

Look on the Quality Care Commission website and see the ratings of the nearby homes.
It’s also worth looking to see if your father could receive a care package and you may be eligible for attendance and carers allowance.
If all the above are in place it means it’s much easier to get the wheels in motion if he needs urgent care further down the line.

It may be your father wants to dip his toes in the water and see if he could make a permanent move into a care home.

AngieT Thu 19-Oct-23 17:28:22

Thank you everyone for your helpful suggestions.

Wenmore Thu 19-Oct-23 18:34:28

AngieT, if your dad has the room (a spare room) would he/you consider a live in carer? There are many companies that offer this option, either as respite or on a more permanent basis.

silverlining48 Thu 19-Oct-23 18:37:22

You might ex my to look into live in care there are plenty of Agencies which provide this service

silverlining48 Thu 19-Oct-23 18:41:04

Sorry about the typos

Daddima Thu 19-Oct-23 18:42:44

There is a lady lives in the hotel in our village, as she says she prefers that to a care home, could a local hotel be a possibility?
Mind you, I see how a ‘trial period’ in a care home could be a good idea.

welbeck Thu 19-Oct-23 21:47:44

what kind of care are you providing for him at the moment.
how about having a careworker come in twice a day; might be cheaper than staying in a carehome.
how would he feel about that.
you could ring a few agencies to get an idea.
unless you know a local freelancer to try.
they are often v good, get clients by word of mouth recommendation.
bluebird agency is meant to be good.

DaisyAnneReturns Thu 19-Oct-23 22:03:24

If he wants the respite option it's basically his "holiday". I would5n't introduce home carers while I was away. Biscuit Queen costs vary quite a bit from area to area. In our town you can currently pay up to twice that much.

M0nica Fri 20-Oct-23 15:44:24

When I arranged respite care for a relation, I spoke informally to the practice psychiatric nurse, who was making regular visits. He suggested a couple of homes and one of them had space.

I was glad I did because although my relatives room was very pleasant and he was happy there, when I looked into it further as a possible permanent home, I found aspects of it, mainly very small cramped communal areas and narrow corridors thhat didn't matter for a couple of weekend stays but wouldn't otherwise be acceptable.

4allweknow Sat 21-Oct-23 11:28:04

Contact care homes. Many take people for short respite stays. Your DF will have to pay full price by the sounds of it. Check the Inspection reports for any Homes you visit and if you can find anyone who can makexa recommendation that will help too. Don't be surprised if your DF wants to stay long term, often having someone on site 24 hours makes a resident feel more secure. Hope all works out and your holiday goes well.

Eirlys Sat 21-Oct-23 11:45:40

Phone local care homes and ask if they have a room for your father on a temporary /respite basis. I spent two weeks at such a one and found the experience interesting. I was mobile and compos mentis but had eye problems. I paid £1000 a week.

deedeedum Sat 21-Oct-23 11:58:38

Contact Social Services asap. Due to his accidents he may qualify for free respite care or a carer while you are away.

GrandmaLorna Sat 21-Oct-23 12:01:28

Look at CQC reports, try and arrange informal visits, ask friends locally if they have any knowledge/experience with local care homes.

JdotJ Sat 21-Oct-23 12:16:38

Definitely ring around the homes. I've heard local radio adverts stating "Three weeks for the price of Two" etc so might be worth asking as it's your dad who will be self funding

Witzend Sat 21-Oct-23 12:23:44

An aunt of dh, 80s and no dementia but increasingly frail, put herself in a local care home for a month while her cleaning lady/general help was away.

It was outwardly a very plush care home, sea front and expensive, but she hated it. I visited her there twice, staff were so surly, unhelpful and miserable-looking. She couldn’t wait to get home.

So while I think it’s a very good idea for your dad, OP, I’d certainly look for recommendations, and don’t necessarily be influenced by decor or how expensive it is.