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AIBU

No manners. No more gifts.

(96 Posts)
JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 14:03:32

Is it me, or have good manners disappeared?
A neighbour fed my cat while I was away this weekend, and I (as always) thanked her on WhatsApp, then left her a thank you gift on her doorstep this morning as she was out.
I WhatsApped her to tell her I'd left it (and thanked her again), her reply was "I was out shopping. Lol".
That was 4 hours ago. She's home, but no acknowledgement of the gift (or of the bag of nearly new clothes I left her for her drop in centre).
Am I being unreasonable by thinking I won't bother with a thank you gift again? I can't decide whether I'm being unreasonable or not!

Primrose53 Wed 10-Apr-24 14:05:29

I think you are. You asked for her help, she obliged. You have left her a gift and thanked her. End of really.

JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 14:11:47

Ahhh, OK!

Aveline Wed 10-Apr-24 14:15:55

No need for thanks for thanks.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 10-Apr-24 14:16:56

I agree with Primrose. You seem to imply, OP, that another time you would ask her to feed your cat and not give her a little thank you gift - now that would be bad manners.

Shinamae Wed 10-Apr-24 14:22:37

,I would certainly have sent you a thank you text..

shoppinggirl Wed 10-Apr-24 14:27:07

It would have been nice to have a text thanking you for the gift/clothes. Next time you ask her to feed your cat don't bother with a gift, just a thank you should suffice!

JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 14:37:03

Shinamae and Shoppinggirl - thank you! I'm thankful that others feel the same way as me!

Elrel Wed 10-Apr-24 14:48:03

Wait until you see her and have a chat. She may thank you then. It’s only 4 hours so far after all.

crazyH Wed 10-Apr-24 14:52:07

Plenty of time yet .
Two wrongs don’t make a right - just carry on being you. Don’t change.

keepingquiet Wed 10-Apr-24 14:53:34

Is this how neighbours fall out?

I don't expect thankyous for gifts- it's given freely after all, otherwise I wouldn't give it.

sassysaysso Wed 10-Apr-24 15:08:26

This isn't a question of manners disappearing, someone I knew had the same complaint 40 years ago. Of course she continued to give the kind neighbour a thank you present when she fed her cat afterwards, she recognised it was an arrangement in her favour.

MissInterpreted Wed 10-Apr-24 15:20:40

I was always brought up to believe that a gift wasn't yours until you had said thank you for it. It's just a matter of common courtesy and good manners, surely - it's not about 'expecting' a gift or thanks.

Jillykins3 Wed 10-Apr-24 15:50:58

But she must be a kind person to take time out of her weekend to feed your cat. I would just be grateful that l had someone to do this. . After 4 hours you are hurt and thinking all sorts and already decided you will not be leaving anymore gifts.. Imagine if she knew that's how you felt. She will probably thank you next time she sees you and you will wonder why you got upset .

DamaskRose Wed 10-Apr-24 15:54:12

Jillykins3

But she must be a kind person to take time out of her weekend to feed your cat. I would just be grateful that l had someone to do this. . After 4 hours you are hurt and thinking all sorts and already decided you will not be leaving anymore gifts.. Imagine if she knew that's how you felt. She will probably thank you next time she sees you and you will wonder why you got upset .

This.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 10-Apr-24 16:03:07

I was brought up to believe that you don’t expect thanks for a gift, but that it is good manners to say thank you. The pleasure is in the giving.

JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 16:10:41

I'm not hurt, and I'm not upset! I just wondered what others thought!
And yes, I was also brought up to say thank you for ANY gift; I wouldn't dream of accepting a gift without saying thank you. But ... it would seem that not everyone thinks the same 😞

JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 16:15:07

I've just had a thank you 😊

sparkly1000 Wed 10-Apr-24 16:16:28

Presumably this is a close neighbour who was kind enough to care for your cat. A little gift is appropriate for their time and thoughtfulness . Only 4 hours later you seem peeved that you haven’t had an appreciative response.
Yes you are being very unreasonable.

AreWeThereYet Wed 10-Apr-24 16:18:32

It would be nice if she just confirmed she had got the gift and clothes. But I agree with others, she may say thank you when she sees you and it has only been four hours. I was also brought up to always say 'thank you', even if it was a gift to show appreciation of a job done for someone else.

sparkly1000 Wed 10-Apr-24 16:25:49

Crossed posts JackK and pleased to hear the outcome you so desired, Good neighbours are like gold dust, please don’t judge yours for not replying within 4 hours.

OurKid1 Wed 10-Apr-24 16:26:44

Maybe she's busy or has other things on her mind. If you otherwise get on ok with her, then I'd let it go. Meanwhile, you should do what has been suggested - the right thing i.e. get her a gift, donate stuff, whatever.

Aveline Wed 10-Apr-24 16:26:58

Obviously she's been out and busy. Or maybe she's on GN blush

Gummie Wed 10-Apr-24 18:06:27

sparkly1000

Presumably this is a close neighbour who was kind enough to care for your cat. A little gift is appropriate for their time and thoughtfulness . Only 4 hours later you seem peeved that you haven’t had an appreciative response.
Yes you are being very unreasonable.

Absolutely. Be grateful that you have someone that you can trust to look after you kitty while you are away. She did you a favour for free and you gave her a gift which was nice. I'm sure that next time she saw you in person she would have said thank you.
I hope she's not on here and that she doesn't see your post or you may be looking for a new cat sitter.

harrigran Thu 11-Apr-24 09:23:18

You thanked her with a gift, end of.
My sister does this "thank you for the thank you card" and gets upset if she doesn't get an acknowledgement 🤨