I have been on both sides, having lived 2 years in Portugal , before mobiles emails etc. Then lived in Damascus with no working phones and all mail came through the firm!! My first husband was an only child, and his mother expected ( well actually demanded!) a letter every week. My husband only used to add a few lines at the bottom and I was the one who did the writing, but the rigidity of every week doesnt make for good connections. My own parents were happy to receive letters as and when. So after some time there I was singing professionally with the Gulbenkian choir in Lisbon, teaching in an american school (only 12/14 children, but age range 4-8 and 7 different languages !) So I had 3 rehearsals a week plus solfage plus recordings and concerts, and life could be hectic at times. So used to send airmail letters and on one occasion sent 12 foolscap pages to them. I used to send personal information and what we had been doing etc but also tried to give a view of life there - this was under Salazar. So went to the Algarve and picked lemons from the trees and came back and gave a pancake party, to return hospitality to many people so embassy, husbands firm, new friends , choir members etc. So made up 3lb of flour into pancake batter. A kitchen with two doorways allowed in one way out the other, and made savoury things like a chilli or curry etc and sweet things like stewed apple with a little cinnamon and of course centre place was cut glass bowl with halves of lemons and oranges. I stood there tossing pancakes and people made a wish and then went for their choice of fillings. It went very well with someone playing guitar on the balcony and people singing etc.My mother kept all these letters and it gave quite an overview of life there . My sister was a senior librarian in london and suggested that we gave the letters to a social archive etc as I had written about festas and all sorts of things and so they are a bit of social history of that time. I know we all have emails etc but for me you cannot beat a letter. When you have a horrible day, feeling sad and miserable , it is consolation to be able to go and read them and remember things, and remind yourselves that you have your loving family even if not close physically to you . So I do two things now as I am on the other end. Still send actual birthday cards etc and put in a letter of happenings but also add in details about changes , that the petrol station is pulled down and new houses there etc. Sounds trivial but when you live a long way away keeps you in touch with your home town or whatever. Then I also write letters sometimes that are never posted, about how miserable I feel , especially now I am a widow, and covid has made life difficult and so forth. I write it in the middle of the night. Stick it in a drawer and leave it for perhaps a week. Then get it out and look at it , and decide what I might need to do about it - try and visit or ask them to visit or whatever and then rip it up - actually tearing it up is quite freeing! Now as far as NZ and Aus, when I worked in an airline there used to be a group for people to join which I think after 12 months got you reduced prices. Worth checking that out. The house sitting can be good , I also get the Lonely Planet book from the library for any country I think of visiting. They have lots of tips about cheap travel and places you might like to see. My only son is adopted, and I remember how hard it was when we so longed for a child and every one else was having babies. People assumed I was a career woman and didnt want children so sometimes were very hurtful. Now I also have not been able to see my grandson , and they live quite close to my daughter in laws family so it makes me feel left out and alone some times , but I am glad they are a happy family and dont want to put my feelings onto them, but as you say when friends and acquaintances are telling you what their families are doing and showing pictures of trips together it is painful. So I go for two things, firstly have a friend in a similar position , her son is out in NZ , happy there but not great at keeping in touch, so if I have a bad day I will ring her up and we might meet for coffee or go swimming together , and we have in the past found a cheap offpeak lodge offer with 2 bedrooms and a hottub! We had a very happy 4 days, did our own thing and shared the cost. Enjoyed it and it also of course gave us something to tell our children about. I find swimming great, it helps my back, you see other people and chat but we are all swimmng so not talking about families and then might go for coffee afterwards. Then you get home feeling very virtuous, having had some exercise, helped your back, and kept the photo shots at bay!
Is there a local community group near you? I have been pleased to find this coffee morning for women, where any woman can go,one morning a week, dont need to book , stay for the full time or drop in and out etc. Great no pressure, and if my back is bad , dont go. dont feel I have let anyone down like that. So over a few weeks I have met lots of different women, but have formed a friendship with 3 different women who I see outside the group. I was a keen gardener , but cant do much now and have very small space, but have found a gardening friend through this and a singing friend too. I do not take away from your feelings. I havent seen my grandson for over a year and at a young age, they change so quickly and you feel you are missing out so much, but these other things help a bit , and here we are on gransnet. A good forum to find information, good ideas and help and sympathy. I hope one or two ideas are helpful from our comments and who knows perhaps if we were near enough to a few others we might meet up for coffee or lunch or whatever somewhere. We could speak about things or not knowing that we are all in the same boat. So write a few letters and hope to get the odd one back that you can put by your bedside to read when you need it. It is also seeing their handwriting etc and besides what will all the archivists and social documenting and heir hunters do if we only use email and internet. In the future they wont be able to delve into all those interesting diaries and letters . Wishing you all the best
