Keeping items of loved ones.

Aww sukie. 3 weeks ago. I am sorry .... x

Yes, cherish it.

It's not just you Serendipity22. My mother went home three weeks ago today. While clearing her room at the care home, I came across her handbag and wept while holding onto it. It was just as she'd left it when she'd used it a week earlier to visit the gp. It's comforting to see it sitting in my closet right now where I expect it will remain for years to come.

I’m glad you did too.

Thank you for all posts. I see that i am not alone in my thinking, need or whatever it is called.
Thank you x

Yes, these things bring great comfort and the fact that i am back living in my childhood home brings a comfort and pure security that wraps itself around me like a lovely warm, secure blanket.

Im glad i started this thread, your posts are lovely and i thank you for posting.

I’m not really attached to possessions apart from paintings and photographs, but I have lots of plants in my garden which either came from family members as cuttings, or were bought because they remind me of that person. I like the idea of them living on through plants which are flourishing, and I imagine them looking at them, and remember them. My children will carry on I hope.

Serendipity 22
I completely understand. I wasn’t able to begin to part with my mum’s clothes until two years after she died, aged 90.
When I eventually took the good quality items to a charity shop some distance from where I lived, I felt some comfort that the charity was the Dogs Trust. My mum adored dogs from being a teenager and had spent a large part of her life adopting and caring for rescue dogs with her second husband my stepfather. I have kept my mum’s umbrella which is patterned ‘raining cats and dogs’. The only thing is when I use it myself I am anxious about leaving it somewhere absentmindedly. However I still have and use it 9 years later

I’ve still got the last letter mom wrote to me. It’s now 36 years she’s been gone.

I absolutely adored my Dad and his loss absolutely devastated me...although very loving , he was unsentimental.
Sorting things out after his death, I opened the drawer in his bedside cabinet and found a small box containing a lock of my baby hair, my first little knife and fork set together with other small items from my childhood.
It's now in my bedside cabinet and a reminder of how lucky I was to have had him as not only my father but a wonderful friend.

There are some lovely posts on this thread although it is sad

I think you should keep the ashes and her handbag and no, it isn't just you. I had a very early, close loss and I get very attached to 'things' with meaning too.

I know this is a little off subject but I'm sure I've read there is evidence to suggest a lot of hoarders have had issues with early loss or displacement, so although it is the extreme end, it can't be unusual at all.

even though it is getting on 20 years I kept my mums handbag complete with contents as of the last time she used it; makeup bag with makeup; cheque book and purse; a coupon pouch I bought one each for her and me from the TV Times; tissues clean of course and clip-on sunglasses.
we also bought her a tracksuit for her birthday as she liked to wear it for leisure around the house. she bravely tried it on but soon had to be put back to bed. Even though it was only
for a few minutes I kept it. Did think of using it for someone to make a memory bear but have not yet.

I’m exactly the same Serendipity. Mum’s bag and she died 20 years ago and Gran’s, which she had kept and Gran died in 1966. I can’t bear to part with such personal things but must one day, in my attempt to leave as little as possible for my son to clear out.

I have my late husbands scarf and cap hanging in the wardrobe along with his trusty wax jacket which he wore every day whilst walking the dog,I gave most of his other clothing to the mission for homeless men a charity which was close to his heart.All his personal papers from his birth certificate to his first driving licence are in a box he made when at school they will go to my DD when I am no longer here.

I still have my late DHs shaving brush and razor and one of his jumpers, which I occasionally put on and imagine he is hugging me again. Nothing wrong in keeping things that remind of us loved ones and bring comfort.

When we cleared my mother’s house (she’d moved to a care home) there were a lot of items of sentimental (but zero cash) value.

One thing I kept, and still have many years later, is her wooden spoon - she’d had it for ever and it was well worn down on one side.
So I was subsequently very cross with dh, since despite my saying not to put it in the dishwasher, he did, and it wasn’t happy about that at all. ?
I still have it, though.

I don't even know what happened to my mother's handbag. I suspect that my very unsentimental sister disposed of it.
We live in what was my parents' flat which gives me a great sense of security somehow. Every member of the family past and present have been here over the years. I can 'see' them all here. Very glad of it.

I kept and wore my mother's apron until it fell to bits. I also kept some of her tea towels and her tea cosy. Of no significant value at all but objects she used every day. They made her feel much closer.

I have a few little bits and bobs of my girls.
A spoon, a tiny little handbag, a t shirt.
I also have a lovely rainbow coloured blanket she made.

I was feeling a bit sentimental a few weeks back and was talking to my grandsons about the blanket.
They said yes, they can remember her getting all bad tempered and swearing while she was making it.
I also have her long blonde dreadlocks somewhere.
I kept them when she lost her hair for the final time.
I have no idea what to do with them though.

I gave my mother's handbag to my daughter who was quite close to her. She has it safely. It has a few personal things like her bus pass and glasses. I have kept other things that belonged to her, including her wedding ring and the 1940s shoes she wore when my dad was courting her. No reason at all to get rid of anything that makes you feel close, why would you?

Very, very good comments from everyone, yes, in time i will know. It may stay on the shelf for ever and it may not. Every time i open the door to hang my coat up, there it is, reminding me that it is a sacred thing, not to be touched, proper weird feeling. Not weird as in scary, not at all, just weird in so much that that item has formed into the 1 thing that shall remain untouched.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Much appreciated.

I understand you. The thing about the handbag is maybe also that it is/was a persons only completely private space. I was never allowed to open my mum’s bag even when she couldn’t lift it herself. I had to hand it to her. Completely private. Just leave it where it belongs. ? for you.

I only have one plastic box with my Mum's things in, and was so upset some of it had gone mouldy in the rental cottage garage. I'd put it in there by mistake. I managed to dry out most of it, but lost her fan to the mould. Grief is very personal, do what gives you comfort.

I kept my brother's jacket for a long time. It smelled of him and used to give me comfort. Eventually I disposed of it as it went a bit mouldy. He was 24.

I dont have a connection with "stuff" When we cleared my mums house we gave almost everything to a local womans refuge ,the rings she wanted me to have were given to my sister and my mothers neices .I have nothing here that was hers ,
This last month we've cleared my MIL's house we have brought a few bits for my daughter but nothing that wasn't useful for ourselves,a new set of cutlery baking bowls and her signature crochet blanket ,
My SIL has literally filled her spare room and any other available space with things she will never use ,which will most likely end up in the attic with all the other "stuff" she hasn't set eyes on for decades.I dont understand it.
Memories aren't dependent on things ,you carry them with you ,in fact I believe hanging onto some things will stop you coming to terms with your loss.Of course we all grieve in different ways so my normal wont be everyones If the handbag is holding you back its maybe time to let it and your mother go .

You don’t have to part with anything which means much to you. My son in law has a bedroom full of my darling daughter’s
things, over 4 years, and no mention of giving them away.

She was cremated, I couldn’t let her be alone, her ashes are in a
bedroom in my younger daughter’s home, they will stay there
until they can be interred with me.

You will know if and when you are ready to part with them x

I haven't kept much of my husband's stuff, partly because most of his interests involved complicated electronics which were way beyond me. What I have kept is 4 ringbinders with all the records of his chemotherapy and his hospital letters. To get rid of them seemed like denying that the last 9 years had happened.