Let's talk dating apps with Lumen

I signed up to one because my friend talked me into it. I wasn't particularly bothered about meeting anyone as I was content being single. Anyway, after a few random weird messages etc, I did meet someone, we emailed and chatted on the phone several times and arranged to meet. He turned up and we had a fabulous evening, clicked and shared the same warped sense of humour. I moved in with him after 6 weeks, we then bought our house together and have been together over 12 years, 6 of them as married. We have a great relationship and long may it continue.

I’ve been married for 38 years and so have no use for them but I strongly support them My daughter used one and has been married now to a lovely man also happened with my daughters friend. With work/life balance so off kilter with young people working full time it’s hatd to get to meet people

I have never used and would be unlikely to - you hear such terrible stories. I'd rather try and meet someone from participating in activities.

After a 20 yr abusive relationship and 10 yrs being single living alone, I realised I preferred being in a couple. I joined loads of dating websites, it was a nightmare. Initially you get bombarded with 100's of messages, so just the admin of replying to them all is very time consuming. 99% are married just looking for a leg over. The other 1% well, it soon becomes apparent WHY they are still single. Nowadays they are adept at knowing what to say to win you over to achieve their end game, it was an emotional roller coaster of let-downs. Plus all the time invested chatting online, and over the phone, arranging meet ups trying to find an honest genuine person. It almost broke me, I gave up in the end as I did not have anymore emotional energy to waste on them. I took down all my ads, went on holiday and decided to accept I would be a lonely spinster, when I finally met someone - they say when you stop looking you meet someone and it is true! Been married years now.

For me a total success. I started using Encounters dating site more as a distraction than anything else after the breakup of a very long relationship. I met a few men, all perfectly nice but not for me. Then I met the absolute love of my life and five years down the line I do not have one moment’s regret.
Nothing ventured....

I’ve considered online dating, but talked myself out of it. I’ve researched it at length and read so many horror stories, which unfortunately seem to out weigh the success stories. I would truly love to meet someone special, however, I just do not want to commit to the time and effort to sieve thro online sites. I’d like to meet my Mr Right thro chance meetings in everyday life. Of course I’m aware that people can be dishonest and misleading even thro this avenue. In an ideal world online dating should be the perfect arena to meet a like minded soul, however, the world we live in is full of people with ulterior motives and dating sites do give them the perfect route to meet vulnerable and lonely people.

Found a couple of good friends on the dating apps (Saga, a.k.a. Classic FM particularly), so not a waste of time - but a bloody expensive passtime for not too much reward. Have given up, at least for the moment.
Free sites, like PoF, are full of scammers in my experience - some nice guys too, but picking the good guys out of the morass is a PITA; and the scammers are very clever.
Haven't tried this Lumen thing. Might give it a go, when I'm feeling less cynical / more lonely...

I don't think that I would ever use one, perhaps just too old fashioned. I could only envisage ever meeting someone in natural circumstances.

I guess my ' dating app ' could of potentially been the firstborn it's kind. Yahoo chatrooms !
We have been together 20 years and met whilst general chatting in a chatroom, which we a big thing back in the 1990s.
I'm not sure about these swipe left/ swipe right apps because for me they seem a little impersonal.

I have friends who have used the apps. They have had the most success with those focused on mutual interests such as walking or sports.

I have been married 38 years but used to write to personal ads when a 20 something divorcee, which was a bit hit and miss. A lot of boring men who drove miles into the country for half a lager. Some were very well off. Some very good looking. In my 30's I set up an international dating agency which was quite successful. Closed down during a recession. Two of my clients got married at Gretna Green.

I'm currently using a dating app. Don't take everything that is written as the truth, pictures can be decades old, and short men lie about their height!. I've had a few dates, but I'm going to be much more selective in who I spend my spare time with. Using an app is ideal if you are busy. You can dip in and out when you want and can control the pace you go at (though be prepared for pushy men wanting to meet up straight away, give you their mobile then strop when you've not texted them, or want to move to quickly onto WhatsApp). I've had to make use of the block button twice, but always remember don't give out too many personal/family details, and you can always take a break, hide your profile if you need a break.

Learning to date again can be daunting but also exciting whether it's internet dating or other sources ( whatever they might be )
I used a dating site some 18months after my husband passed away and had some truly dire dates , some interesting dates and just when I was about to give up I met a man who became my husband and I really thought God had saved him for me to make up for some dodgy relationship decisions that I had made in the past...we had a lot of fun and really were good together.
Unfortunately within a year of us meeting he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and was gone before our first wedding anniversary...
That was 8 years ago in December of this year and I have considered trying again but I'm just not sure that I can make the effort because believe me it does take a lot of effort.
I guess it depends just how much you want to be with someone.
Dating sites work ...of course they do but you do need to be careful...manage your expectations,,,but don't settle for just anyone because you don't want to be alone
Being with the wrong one is much worse...if you are up for it go for it...enjoy and have fun...
Phew that's me done for now...good luck.

Some humour is probably called for.

Actually I have the greatest of admiration for anyone who gets themselves back out there.

Boumas thanks for sharing your story.
painting

My daughter was in a couple of relationships in her 20’s that fizzled out, and she later discovered the Tinder Dating App. Joining and not really taking it too seriously, she met a couple of men who appeared to be decent lads, but they discovered that they wanted different things from life ( career wise) so these relationships didn’t last long either. She finally met “The One” three years ago on Tinder. He lived in a county nearby about thirty miles away. They bought a home together a year ago, got engaged in the summer of 2019 and are getting married this month. Love can find you on dating apps- if it is meant to be. I have a male family friend in his late 50’s who really struggles finding love on Dating Apps though sadly. He is a great bloke, however has very high standards and nobody quite fits his requirements. He isn’t really very flexible and has never been married, although was once engaged and has a child from this relationship. My heart breaks for him because I think he fears being alone and misses the company of a woman in his life. He joined lots of dating agencies but has never found Ms Right.

I used a dating app I thought things where going so well she was in another country we exchanged pictures this was 5 years ago this went on for about 2 months she was gorgeous she was 35 and me at the time I was 50 years old so I thought wow can’t believe how lucky I was then a friend of mine said she’s a scam I told him to go away she was coming over to see me then two days later she says that so one robbed her and she was so desperate to see me and would I send her £1000 so she was able to come as a div I did never heard anything since so I have never used one since

I would be very worried about using them because I think I would find it hard to trust the people on them , you never know these days about how real they are or if they are making up their identity.

I met my husband on a dating site in 2004. My first husband left and I was at home with two teenagers and had no desire to go out and hang about bars in the hope of meeting someone. I was 40 then and most of the men I talked to (via msn messenger and the web site) had children too so also had to juggle their needs. It can be a bit scary but as long as you take everything with a pinch of salt and put sensible security measures in place when you meet up - daytime, meet for coffee, ask a friend to ring you about fifteen minutes after the start of your date which will give you an 'out' if things are not going well or you are uncomfortable about anything, then it is worth a try. I would never had met the wonderful man who is my husband now if we hadn't both been on a dating site, as he lived too far away for me to bump into him conventionally.

Not used a friendship site as yet but that might be more my style.
Recently joined Match, left after a month as I was sent several real aubergine pics and talked to one guy who clearly wasn't the same person as his profile picture when we eventually FaceTimed. I spoke to 3 or 4 on the phone and they clearly were only interested in sex-asking me very personal questions and telling me the dimensions of their favourite friends!! I reported one and then left the site..Decided I was too old for all that..
Changed to Elite Singles-a bit better but most of the matches live miles away. I did meet 3 guys once each-one very nice but seasoned dater who interviewed me for 2 hours and then decided that I wasn't "The One" as I was an Aries! I met the second one after talking to him for several hours over 2 weeks (which was a waste of time and an attempt at talking me round) who clearly had one thing on his mind and I made a hasty retreat after a glass of wine. The third was a Psychotherapist who proceeded to quiz me in great detail as to my motives etc. etc.
The whole situation made me quite nervous and I felt rather vulnerable, having been away from the dating scene for so many years. It seems that as an older dater you have to expect detailed personal questionning on all aspects of your life on a first "date". I read all the really helpful guidance online about what to wear, how to project (and protect yourself), how to treat initial meetings as a coffee date with a friend rather than a "date", but it didn't help at all in practice and I certainly wouldn't recommend it for the faint hearted...

I have no wish to join a dating site myself as I'm very happily married and my first experience was of a friend who met her fella on one of these. They got on really well and ended up getting married and seem very well suited. My closer experience is of my son who after a long term relationship broke down and another one ended quite badly, decided to try a dating website. He's met a few ladies who have all seemed very nice but just not quite his thing. He is at the moment on his way to see another lady who he has known for two weeks.. Apparently she is very clingy and needy but he does like her so they're going to have a talk and see how things go. I hope they work out, he deserves some happiness and I don't want him spending another Christmas on his own like he did last year. So fingers crossed that they can sort things out and he has found his ideal partner.

as paintingthetownred pointed out...humour is actually a MUST...

I tried online dating a number of years ago. The saying “the odds are good, but the goods are odd” seemed to apply. I met some perfectly nice men, with whom I became friends. I also met some total freaks. Chemistry is a strange and unpredictable thing, so I found that the trick was to meet people fairly quickly for a coffee, rather than type messages back and forth for ages, only to meet them and realise there was nothing there. One guy used a very, very old, very inaccurate photo. One lectured me for 45 minutes on the scoring methodology for the actuarial exams (I kid you not). I only had 3 criteria for men: no smokers, no excessive use of hair care products, and no white leather dress shoes (that are not trainers). I was casting the net pretty wide. I met a man who, within 3 minutes of meeting, lit a cigarette. There were only 3 criteria! Why would you respond if you are a smoker??? I met lots of men who cannot spell. I was sent the same message two different times by the same man (he cut and pasted it, and seemed to forget he had already messaged me). I got messages from a man who forgot to take the other woman’s name off the greeting. I was happy to meet a stranger for a coffee, but some men insisted I travel far to meet them for the first time, or come to dinner at their house when I had never met them before (no thanks). Some just wanted to type endlessly and never meet. I finally got a message that read (all in lower case letters): “my name haas. need woman. phone number 07xx xxx xxx”. He also looked like Jabba the Hutt (at least from the shoulders up). Hmmm. Incentive to call you? Zero! That is when I finally gave up. I am happy and self contained. I would rather just go to lectures and events that I am interested in. If I meet someone that is good company, then great. If not, no worries.

I have never used the online dating site nor an app. Like others, I would prefer to meet someone in a social group face to face.

I have had several friends who have used them and now it almost seems to be the norm when people tell me how they met. I have one friend who has been disappointed and not met anyone she feels happy with but that is the minority - I have been to at least 3 or 4 weddings where people have met this way.

Did try it for a while after my husband left 14 years ago. Signed up to about 3 different ones.Did meet a couple of nice genuine people but they were few and far between.Quickly realised that most of them just wanted sex.Some were married or in long term relationships.Better to try and meet someone in the 'real' world !