Tactless or underlying nastiness ?

I think he was trying to reassure you, in a very clumsy way.

It sounds like he can't win! You tell him you didn't like how he behaved when you were ill. He tries to say he loves you now you are well and you think that's an awful thing to say! I think, without more information, he can't win. It may be that he is controlling but I don't think you've given enough information to say that

Well, it's hard to give a fair opinion but it sounds a bit controlling or passive aggressive of him.

Although his reaction was as if he felt cornered.

I agree it sounds like he can't win. None of us is perfect. He's kind, he loves you, he did his best for you when you were ill (even if it wasn't perfect for you) but like a lot of people he has difficulty expressing himself.

I have foot in mouth disease and often when I mean to say something nice it comes out all wrong. Mr A sometimes does the same. But I usually know what he means and know that he doesn't mean to be condescending or tactless. If I'm in a contrary mood I might pick him up on it but that just leaves him feeling bad when he was trying to be nice so I try not to do it often.

I think using the word 'love' to describe how he feels is not the right word. He probably loved you just as much either way but finds it easier now you are well. I don't think it was an awful thing to say, just badly explained.

I don't think he is necessarily means he wants to be in control of you, he probably means that he knew exactly what his role was, felt more useful and knew he was unlikely to get things wrong.

Try to focus on the positive things of your recovery and new found energy whilst keeping firmly in mind that your husband is a nice person. It's too easy to be critical and find reasons to be unhappy rather than looking at our blessings.

No what he is saying isn't very nice and is tactless

Maybe he is struggling with the change in your energy levels but he could let you know a different way or organise himself some peace and quiet if he needs it

Maybe you could suggest that to him, find him an area of the house to be in

Nothing wrong with him needing some alone time. I would just tell my husband that though, that I need quiet time

He’s just being a man😃
Contrary to some ways of thinking a man isn’t a woman in trousers if you get what I mean.
I think he sounds kind and helpful, a keeper in fact.
Look for ways to do things out and about together and let him still help around the house to feel useful.

I may be wrong but to be honest he sounds a bit lost to me. Did he used to go out to work? Maybe he hasn't found an area of the house management that he can call his own that he can take control off. We split the gardening for instance - I mow the grass, de-moss the patio, clean the porch and path. Mr A brushes up the leaves and acorns, cleans the garage doors, does most of the digging and planting and takes charge of the pots and hanging baskets. Sometimes we do things together, sometimes one of us will disappear out and do what needs doing.

It just sounds like a typical, tactless and clumsy man talking to me. Perhaps he needs some time to adjust to the new you. You feel much better and 'back to normal', while he's worried that maybe you don't need him so much.

Just sounds like he is adjusting, again, to a change in your health. He did his bit when you were unwell and is happy for you now but doesn't express himself very well. He seems a bit confused about his role now.
Not everyone is good at saying how they feel and many of us use the wrong words/terms and the meaning gets misinterpreted.
Cut him some slack. You sound snippy and as if he can't do or say anything right. Sounds like he has done his best. Is that enough for you?

Thank you for your wise words. I think we are both struggling to adjust.
To clarify. I think he was trying to be reassuring when he said he loved me when I was ill and he loves me more now I'm well. I was triggered. We've had a cuddle. I know him well enough to know he is nearly always coming from a good place. Just sometimes he hits a nerve. Xx

I think he adjusted to you being ill and looking after you and got used to a lot of time alone. He's having to readjust now, even though he loves you and is glad you're feeling better. He's being honest with you, although maybe not expressing himself well.
It will take time for you both to settle into the new pattern. He sounds very caring. Maybe give him some more time alone.

I can see why he was angry. He was looking for a bit of thanks for standing by you and helping and now he is happy you are well. What’s wrong with that? He didn’t express himself too well is all.

Poor bloke can’t do right for doing wrong I think you probably read it wrong and he was trying to reassure you
I hope you both adjust he sounds a good bloke just thinks and says things a bit differently to you
Men don’t adjust so easily ( usually) they re not, in my opinion, so good at changes I m sure he meant well
Good luck for the future

Seems to be joking relationship.

On his part, but you don't play your part in the banter.

Oreo

He’s just being a man😃
Contrary to some ways of thinking a man isn’t a woman in trousers if you get what I mean.
I think he sounds kind and helpful, a keeper in fact.
Look for ways to do things out and about together and let him still help around the house to feel useful.

Very sound advice. I know men whose way of caring is to make a cup of tea and offer a biscuit.

Are you being tactless, he nursed you through your illness, now you are criticizing him for clumsy remarks, or were you always like that before.
Give him a break, men don’t like the constant chatter that many women do as normal.

Give him a break - cut him a bit of slack - find your sense of humour - take him out for a nice meal to thank him for looking after you ................

I’m glad you’ve kissed and made up ClareAB. Now you can enjoy your newfound health and mobility together

Sometimes these remarks get to us more than they should 😊

In the spirit of fairness, I told him about this post and the resounding message was to cut the poor bloke some slack. It made his day.
He wants to know if any of you are single

Ha ha! My husband is the same . Brilliant at looking after me when I am I’ll but a bit resentful of my independence when I’m better! Maybe you should plan something nice to do together that involves some walking to celebrate your new knees!

He's telling his truth. Be grateful you an trust him to do that.

"You feel much better and 'back to normal', while he's worried that maybe you don't need him so much."

that rung true.

needs change and adjustment not smooth.