My daughter blames me.

I would do the same as you have done, your daughter is behaving like a spoilt brat. She decided to get a puppy because that’s what she wanted regardless of her tenancy agreement and then she decided she was moving into your home and now has badmouthed you to people she barely knows.

Do not enable her, it is time she grew up and took responsibility for herself.

I'm so sorry you have been treated so appallingly sammy. Theexwife is right, she is behaving like a spoiled brat and needs to grow up and take responsibility.

You've done the right thing saying that they cannot move in with you so stay strong and hold fast to your decision.

Your daughter has made the assumption that you're there to pick up the pieces for her. Now that she's found that you can't, she's put out and is in a panic, that's why she's been so unpleasant.

While we never stop being parents and wanting to help our children, there's a limit to what we can do, especially as we get older.

I agree with the previous two posters sammy your daughter is an adult now and needs to take responsibility for her actions.
You are absolutely right not to allow her to move in with her family. Try not to stress about it all and be strong.

Just to say that I agree with Theexwife. Your daughter needs to take responsibility for herself & her life. Getting a puppy was irresponsible: it indicates her utter thoughtlessness & disregard for others.
My advice is to stick fast to your decision. ("Tough love" is the answer here.) Hard, I know, but better than the alternative.

It was feckless and irresponsible to think she could keep a puppy when her landlord had stipulated they couldn't have one. How long did she think she'd get away with it before he found out? I'm not surprised he turfed them out along with two cats aswell. She has a cheek to presume she could roll up to your house and unload the whole kit and caboodle into your attic and no doubt allow her animals to roam throughout? She is being selfish and spiteful trying to guilt trip you into doing what she wants. Time to hold fast and let her know the world doesn't revole around her, has she even tried other landlords or the council? Sometimes the more you do for your kids the more they just keep taking

Thank you for your replies.
Yes agree she is a spoiled-brat that does and takes what she wants with out taking responsibility.
I will stay strong this time i know it will be hard but she has to learn once and for all.
Thank you again it really has helped me reading your replies.

Good for you sammy.

Stay strong Sammy. You are doing the right thing. Parenting is hard with young children but can be tougher when they are grown up. you may well have a rough time for a number of months but hopefully it will resolve and your DD will learn when you say no you mean it.

Before I had any children a lady I worked with once said:

"When they're little they break your arms.
When they're bigger they break your heart."

At the time I thought how silly, but time often proves she was right.

You have made the right decision sammy15, don't weaken.

It's emotional blackmail Sammy15 so don't give in. You have helped them as much as you can and she must now stand on her own two feet. I always believe in the adage " decisions and consequences". She made the decision to get a dog, now she is reaping the consequences. If you let them move in your home won't be your own, when it doesn't work out how will you get them to leave? You can't issue a section 21!! Be strong.

I'm sorry she is being so cruel to you

she has a husband; let him badger his family to sponge off them.
you just have to go low contact, which it sounds as if you are already doing. keep it up.
do not be drawn into any discussions.
do not justify, excuse or explain.
just say no. and keep saying it.
good luck.

You have done the right thing, even if you could have helped her you can’t manage with a partner and all the animals and shouldn’t have to She is only thinking of herself and is emotionally blackmailing you I think she has done it before and you ve caved in and done what she wanted but this is a step to far
Stick to your guns sometimes we can be too soft and it will not help her to help herself
It’s a real shame she has spoilt your new relationships I would keep any future information close to your chest and not talk to her about anything personal
I hope you can rekindle these new found relationships

You are doing the right thing Sammy. It's hard to watch our adult kids make mistakes but they need to learn from them. They could get housing assoc property if they did not make themselves homeless. Not sure if getting a dog makes them intentionally homeless. Be resolute and as you have enough to cope with in your own life. Be firm.

You are doing the right thing, stay strong and don’t give in. He has a family let them help

The Section 21 is only the first stage in eviction. She may be able to keep that roof over her head if she gets rid of the pets and shows remorse to the landlord. She needs to be polite and apologetic, but she doesn't sound like that kind of person. If she stays aggressive and wilful then the landlord will not agree to her staying. Just make it clear to her this situation is in her hands, and if she does the right thing then she won't lose her home.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. A woman in her 30s should be independent of her parents except in an emergency.

This isn't an emergency, the problems your daughter faces are self inflicted, and arise from selfishness and a belief that whatever she does someone will pick up the pieces, the tab or whatever and sort it out.

People like this tend to turn nasty when they are finally told to stand on their own two feet and you have my every sympathy. But you are doing the right thing and I doubt anyone on GN will say anything else.

There are disability benefits that do not get means-tested, so your OH's pension would not stop you or him getting it. Look at Attendance Allowance individually (PIP if either of you is below pension age).

As for your DD - she is 31 and an adult, so she must sort her life out herself. She has already bled your savings dry.

There is no way I would allow one of my DDs to stroll in with 2 cats and a puppy, especially without having the courtesy to ask you first! Stay strong - this is her moment to grow up.

Totally agree with the other posters Sammy, and am sorry that your daughter is behaving so badly. Please stay strong. I fear that if you allowed her to stay ( rent free presumably?) she would be very comfortable, and feel no need to move on - except, maybe, to the rest of the house...

You are doing absolutely the right thing, and it would be illegal for your daughter and husband to use your loft room as a bedroom, never mind accommodating the pets.
Nearby neighbours are struggling with the return of their 35 year old daughter, plus large dog and a horse, (which is housed at very expensive livery stables nearby) and a horsebox, following a relationship breakup. The daughter works two and a half days a week, to pay the horse's living expenses, (nothing for the parents) and the rest of the week is devoted to schooling the horse. This family now have five cars, plus horsebox, as the adult son also lives at home, and daughter's car is almost permanently parked outside my house.
I don't know how these parents, a very pleasant couple, can be so foolish, particularly when I hear the daughter yelling at her father because he hasn't cleaned the horsebox to her exacting standards.
Don't accept any guilt for your daughter's mistakes.

A section 21 eviction notice is a 'no fault' eviction so being in receipt of one is not regarded as making oneself homeless.

Please heed all the advice Sammy. My sister did just this and it is still ongoing after seven years. she is extremely depressed and unhappy. It is just not worth it. Adult children need to manage their own lives, as we won't be around forever to pick up the pieces.

Gracious, I wonder what your daughter thought she would achieve by going to your new relatives and saying such unkind (and untrue) things!

It's pure manipulation. If your daughter contacts you again please ask her what her motive was in trying to break that relationship. Don't get angry, or upset - well, try not to - Did your daughter think you'd say "Oh, well, perhaps I'd better let you stay" after doing such an unkind thing.

It is, again, manipulation from her. As others have said, she'd made plans and you aren't dancing to her tune. You have a perfect right to say "that doesn't work for me/us". Terribly rude of your daughter to blow up. She's probably scared and anxious, but it's absolutely not fair to take it out on you.