Issues with my brother and ex sister in law

Very complicated! I guess all you can do is stay well out of it.

are you sure it's true, or his imaginings to justify his own actions, or creeping dementia even.
either way, ignore it.
good luck.

This is a duplicate post.
www.google.com/url?client=internal-element-cse&cx=010995057459380558086:wn3vvylhmc4&q=https://www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1313427-Not-sure-if-I-like-my-brother&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwjvhu_6gJX7AhWNXvEDHRddDnAQFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2Pz_yZX3ODOPYHfBTvPuem

Are you sure this is the truth? It’s strange he accepted all the blame if it wasn’t him who had the affair. If you want verification you will have to ask his ex wife if you are still on good terms. It could be awkward and depends on whether you feel you need to know, it’s a long time ago.

Betty25
Why post this again?

I'd say the same as on your previous post

Why was "devastated" sister in law in a relationship 1 week after separation?

Why while happily in a new relationship did she continue to play victim for over 2 decades?

Why do you dislike your brotherand why are his family relationships so damaged?

2 people here obviously know the truth and you are not one of them I'm afraid

Sorry, could not find original post to tag onto. (How do you find old posts) When he originally told me about what happened 26 years ago I did angst about it all for a long time . I still don’t have any plans to visit but it has taken on another chapter with his daughter, my niece being told this. She has come to me for advice on how to file it as well. Sometimes you just don’t need to know

It sounds like he tried to protect his child to me from getting caught up in adult situations, especially as she lived with her mother.

He also ensured he met his financial obligations

Not seeing much to dislike here?

As a child of a broken marriage, for more than 26 years my father never said a word against my mother.

My mother held onto her victim Hood for more than 26 years and often regaled me with either how bad he was or how she was still devastated they split up, even though happily married again.

When I estranged my father finally felt comfortable telling his side...

Thankfully I only ever judged him by how he treated me and he was wonderful father.

It's hard to know what is in people's minds. There are always two sides to every story, and it seems you only ever got the story from your SIL's side. Now you are hearing his side of the story and it is upsetting, obviously. But it is hard to erase 26 years worth of animosity.

I would wonder why he walked away, and most importantly, left his children and mother with little contact. I don't know that I would ever bring it up with your SIL, since you still maintain a good relationship, and whatever happened in their marriage would stay in the past.

It is very confusing. I just don’t understand why he would let my parents, me, his children and all of his friends think that he was in the wrong all these years if he wasn’t. If my sister in law was having an affair which lead to their break up I don’t think my brother would have been so accommodating with money and letting us believe otherwise. My niece flatly refuses to believe him. I guess there are always 3 sides to a story.his, hers and the truth.

Frankly, if you are close to exSiL and she is important to you in your life, I'd stay with the friendship, but avoid references to the past. there must be more between you than what happened a long time ago to be close.

...Another GN doubting what your brother has said to you, frankly. Questioning his motives, he might be on a "spoiler" mission, even if there is some truth in it, who really can know what went on so very long ago.

I don't believe your brother's story at all, the same as his daughter doesn't believe him.
Surely his daughter will tell her Mother what her ex husband is saying about her.

As Casdon pointed out, is there a reason for rehashing this Betty25 after your previous exact same post?

you have no need to talk to your sister in law it because it's 'old news' and none of your business and she's not your sister in law as you brother in law divorced many years ago. only their offspring are related to you, not her.

This is very upsetting for your niece.
If I was her, I wouldn't want to just 'file it'.
I'd want to know why he let everyone think he was the bad guy and then stayed away from his family.

You say you asked him that. What did he say?

Yes probably because a. I don’t know how to find my previous post. Do you? If so can you share and b. Because it’s raised it’s head again with my lovely Niece being party to it now.

He said he was happy to take the blame as ultimately it was him who left the family home with his new girlfriend. I kept saying to him that it made no sense but that was as much as I could get

Here's a link to your previous post, which Casdon posted earlier.
As you say, things have changed now that your niece is involved and has discussed it with you.

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1313427-Not-sure-if-I-like-my-brother

Thanks but how do I find my previous posts myself

There is a search button, bottom right on my phone but it doesn't work unless I first change to 'desktop site' at the bottom of the page.
There will be a search button on the laptop screen too.

You can sometimes find posts just by googling the username & Gransnet together.

It’s ok - I found how to find these. You just put your name into search.