Driving- does it affect your relationship?

It is such a patriarchal role, holding the power and control over the female population

Honestly, i would refuse to go in the car with the person if they refuse to make changes and take your observations into consideration

I would also buy a car that is just yours.
He can join you in "your" car if he wants

What is weird to me is how a couple has "his" car only, as if you have no right to it.
That is not right at all, it could be considered abusive if it limits what OP can do in a daily manner

And no, he is not skillful driver, he is a dangerous one.

I wanted to keep my first post short.
To answer the comments: We each have our own car, so no way am I restricted in my movements. We need very different seating positions and it would be a real nuisance if we used our cars interchangeably. DH’s car has more gizmos which would just annoy me. Obviously we only take one car on holiday together. His is newer and he hates not driving ( ie being in control) though I make all the decisions about where we go. He doesn’t even look at the map, as he relies on my directions or Satnav. So not so controlling.
If I refused to go in his car we would not go away.

I chose the word skilful, rather than good or safe, as I think it is the correct one.

I cannot understand this 'husband drives' mentality as we always took it in turn and neither of us had a problem with the other driving.

I don't think anyone likes a back seat driver because thinking that the passenger is watching you can make the driver either nervous (women) or irritable (men). Every driver has to learn to be a good passenger, it's absolutely essential. If they do not have that skill then they need to practice, and the only way is to let someone else drive! So women need to buckle up and get in the driver's seat, whether to the shops or on holiday.

It was a constant source of strife. He was a very anxious man and hated being driven by anyone - but I hated being driven by him for all the reasons stated by others above - and he got worse after doing the advanced drivers course and test. He thought he was invincible. Every holiday was cursed by this.

When he got Parkinsons he had to accept me driving him, and I knew how much he hated it. But a bit of me felt that, whilst I felt sorry for him, it did sort of balance things out for all the years I had suffered!

I loved it when we had a caravan for a few years as it slowed him down!

DH was always a better driver than me - doing in excess of 20k a year when he was working. He never had any points and his only accident was down to black ice, which caught out the responding Police car too.
I don’t consider myself a poor driver and clocked up 100 miles a day, just in the school run and once had 3 points!
When DH became ill, we always took his car to appointments as it was easier for him to get in and out and 4wheel drive for bad weather and often shared the driving, but as his illness progressed and he got peripheral neuropathy, he acknowledged he wasn’t entirely safe and preferred me to drive. It was a crushing blow for him, when the GP rang to say his licence had to be cancelled - as if he’d lost the power to make his own decisions.

I'm a less confident driver on the A1 or M11, can do, don't prefer.

I accept that and drive locally. My husband is an excellent driver, albeit a bit aggressive - I read a book and ignore.

I and my DDs totally refused to drive if my husband was in the car, unless he was bound, blindfolded, gagged and in the back seat. He was an excellent driver but a dreadful passenger, with constant sharp intakes of breath and a running commentary on all the other drivers 'mistakes'. Even when I was driving him to ED when he broke and dislocated his elbow, he attempted to grab and turn the wheel. There was one benefit to this obsession i.e. if going to a social occasion where there was alcohol, he was always the designated driver

When we go away we always use DH car it’s bigger and more powerful but I don’t drive it very often
We never have any argument over this he is far more confident than me especially on motorways but I am a good navigator and I will tell him which lane we need ect
So I suppose my question is is your husband a bad driver or is it your perception, are you confident behind the wheel of your car.
By saying he drives too fast what is your feeling about this and what do you consider as too fast.
Should be no need for excessive breaking at roundabouts he won’t have any break pads left

my mum's late husband would always want to drive although they both had a car, she finally put a stop to it by telling him she would meet him wherever they were going, he got fed up driving on his own and would never use a sat nav so was always late because he could not find the place, the problem was solved when she said, if i drive you can have a pint with your meal, after that she drove all the time when they both went out together, he still kept his car for going to the shops.

We are different in that my car has always been the bigger one. Dh was of the opinion that it's daft for tge bigger flasher car to be zipping idle all day while I was trying to stuff 5 children into a smaller, second car.

Nowadays, the cars are interchangeable and we each drive which ever is more convenient for whatever we are doing that day.

I still prefer the big car though and will happily share driving with him. He is happy to be driven by me.

I drive all our cars and we share driving on long journeys. DH enjoys driving, I do not dislike driving but I am quite happy to be driven. I will, as necessary, drive on all kinds of roads and in all kinds of conditions, although as we both get older our night vision is less good.

Neither of us criticise the others driving and, on long journeys, DH often falls a sleep when I am driving

Generally who ever owns the car does the driving for shorter journeys.

Yes, DH and I have very different driving positions , but adjusting seating positions only takes a minute or two.

In fact driving is not, and never has been, a bone of contention between us.

Mine was the bigger newer car, DH and I shared the driving both happy with the other driving.

I started a similar thread some time ago about how I'm a nervous passenger and my OH won't take this into consideration. I didn't get much sympathy.
In my opinion even if the driver is skilful, they need to consider what the other person needs, within reason of course. It's what you do if you care about someone.
My OH didn't like me driving in the outside lane of the dual carriageway, so I don't. But he does.
I do most of the driving now. I've no intention of letting him drive me if he isn't going to be considerate.
When we do the long journey to the caravan we drive in separate cars.

I suppose the answer to your question is a definite yes!

No strife with us although I do occasionally comment on DH's driving. He gets too near the white line, I get told off for driving in the gutter! I'm quite comfortable with his driving and he seems to be with mine.

DH does most of the driving although I can, and do, drive both vehicles. When we're out together, especially on a long journey, he usually drives and I navigate ('cos I'm better at that than he is!).

I must be an odd one out I like being driven, don't want to drive DH's car with all the latest technology and costs an arm and a leg if you scratch it. I like my own.
If I do drive him he always appreciates it.
He makes comments about other things but is no backseat driver.

What about speeding? DH is very law-abiding in everything apart from keeping to speed limits. He has gizmos which warn him of cameras so it is obvious that he does not want to get caught, but if there are no cameras around he ignores speed limits, 80 on motorways, 55 instead of 50, 34 instead of 30. Nothing outrageous. He says he drives according to road conditions, which is true, but keeping to speed limits makes the roads safer for everyone, surely.

We have two cars, mine being the smaller. I think I am a reasonable safe driver no complaints from friends and I often drive Grandchildren around. Can ‘t say I enjoy driving but it is my freedom.. DH drives when we go out together because I refuse to drive when he is in the car. He is not nervous but will inform me about speed limits, when I should pull out, which way I should go and how I should avoid potholes etc. He would also fiddle with heating and radio controls.
The last time I drove with him in the car I’d had enough and stopped the car , told him to drive and have never driven him since.

Cabbie I am not sure (keeping to the speed limits makes the road safe for everyone). I am not suggesting we shouldn't have speed limits, but my sister died when she was knocked off her bike by a lorry travelling at walking speed, my DD received a disabling ijury when all the traffic on the motorway was travelling within the speed limit. I have been involved in a multiple motorway shunt, again, speed was not a factor, and I have been driven into twice, in each case speed was not a factor. In fact on each occasion speeds involved were quite low.

I have come to the conclusion that the main cause of accidents, is human error, mainly, drivers failing to see one element in complicated traffic situations.

Can I bang the drum for being the passenger to put my foot on the imaginary brake?? {grin} We both drive but my husband has a tendency to leave it to the last second when braking. His road sense and awareness as a former motorcyclist is second to none but he has a habit of thinking that a car will behave like a bike!!
I tend to anticipate events such as approaching a junction and drive accordingly but now due to his discomfort when driving for long periods - it now falls to me although he will take turn if needed.

I do about 1/3 of the driving whichever car we have, I hardly drink, he likes to have a couple of beers, no more. He will comment, if I drive too close, I don’t comment even though he drives too fast, but he is safe and does slow in built up areas.

We are a two car family but it’s neither his nor hers but I do usually drive the smaller car as it’s easy to park. We use to share the driving with no problems and still do but only on long journeys and not just days outs due to my tiredness. To be honest if I was in your position I would become assertive, I am going to drive, so which car shall we go in.

We each have our own cars, but when we are together I generally drive. I don’t like being driven and only felt safe with one other person and that was my late father. I did all the driving on our recent holiday.

M0nica

Cabbie I am not sure (keeping to the speed limits makes the road safe for everyone). I am not suggesting we shouldn't have speed limits, but my sister died when she was knocked off her bike by a lorry travelling at walking speed, my DD received a disabling ijury when all the traffic on the motorway was travelling within the speed limit. I have been involved in a multiple motorway shunt, again, speed was not a factor, and I have been driven into twice, in each case speed was not a factor. In fact on each occasion speeds involved were quite low.

I have come to the conclusion that the main cause of accidents, is human error, mainly, drivers failing to see one element in complicated traffic situations.

This is so, particularly for accidents in towns and cities I am sure.What sadness for your family Monica.

My husband is generally a good driver but is a little too laid back in his attitude to suit me and perhaps does not see dangers ahead as well as I do.We only have the one car, which we share regularly, and which is fine as we have good local transport anyway.y