Pleasantly surprised

My grandchildren get an awful lot of everything too - but are generally well behaved, kind and considerate. They seem much older and wiser than their years. I think 'spoiled' is more to do with the attitudes and behaviour tolerated by parents. They get a lot of guidance and interaction, have plenty of time and discussions with adults. Their parents are busy - but not run off their feet in the way that mine were.

I don't have grandchildren but do live in a busy community and it is amazing how the different children behave. I have seen some brilliant parenting where the parents guide their children though challenges i.e. riding a bike, or being polite to neighbours but I have also seen some children behave as if they had never been given a lesson in sociability. Our local secondary and primary schools are also tough on being a decent citizen and it does show in the locality where I live even down to teenagers stepping aside on wet leafy streets and letting you get on the bus first. When I was a child the local shopkeeper would give you a good telling off if you didn't say please and thank you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think parents' attitude plays a big part too We had a tot visit a few weeks ago one parent tried to control the naughty behaviour and was countermanded by the other. I suspect this often happens when parents do not agree on what is good and bad behaviour and are in competition with each other for the childs love
I always discussed with DH what was acceptable and we both stuck to it even if we did have reservations.
If toys are bought on demand or after a lot of whinging they are not appreciated.
I also think that most parents work these days compared to most of us who had stay-at-home mums. Toys are a way of saying," Sorry I'm not able to give you the attention I want to as I am too tired".
As a teacher, I was often asked if children who were defiant and naughty at home were the same in school and there were a lot of red faces when I truthfully said No.
Children can read situations much more than we give them credit for and act accordingly.

I was very proud this week my 5yr old told me he is giving his large wooden kitchen with all pans etc to a charity for children "with not much money". He is a very living boy who gives amazing cuddles.

I too always thought the modern attitude of 'toys on demand' makes for nasty avaricious children but am now changing my mind. I am pleased to see my grandchildren growing into polite considerate boys and girls.
But one little boy is turning into a goody goody tell-tale and this distresses me.
I don't know how to deal with this. I'm beginning not to like him very much.

Stealth brag?

I live in a very diverse area with mainly Asian families. In general they are much stricter with their children and require them to show a lot of respect to their elders.

As an academic Ive also done research interviewing young people and their parents and found marked differences among the different ethnic groups.

I spoke to white middle class parents who "did not think it was right" to ask their children to do tasks in the house in exchange for pocket money - as my sister and I were requuired to. I also spoke to young people from other groups (Jewish and Asian) who took it for granted that they should help in the home and did not expect any particular reward for it. One teenage Chinese boy said to me "I get a roof over my head".

Seabear

Stealth brag?

Why?

But one little boy is turning into a goody goody tell-tale and this distresses me. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm beginning not to like him very much

Does this boy feel he doesn't get enough attention himself?

If he's doing this to try and make himself look good and get the other child into trouble, I'd say, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention," and then depending on the severity of the other child's misdemeanor either give them a "look" or deal with it quietly.
I wouldn't engage further with the tell-tale over it at that point.

If the tell-tale was purely trying to make themselves look good, eg "So-and-so doesn't even know their four times table" I'd say, "Well we can't all be perfect can we? And I bet they know some things you don't know, we all learn at different rates."

My grandchildren have a house full of toys! But they're all cared for, enjoyed and appreciated.

However rather than buy more for Christmas, I'm treating them to a family present of a hotel stay and day at Legoland.
My daughter was more than pleased when I suggested it!

What a lovely post AussieGran59, a credit to their parents and grandparents

Mine seem to have turned out well too despite all the designer clothes and extra activities. My 7 year old has been appointed kindness monitor in his class.
My only complaint is that last time I babysat him he emptied the contents of his chest of drawers and flung everything all over the room.He thought it was great fun, ignored me,and his dad had to tidy up.Normally he's well behaved.

My grandson has enough - but not loads - of toys at his own house, but his mother (who he doesn't live with) tends to overcompensate for not having to bring him up by buying him toys instead. It's hard to explain to him when he sees something he wants and is told no, because he just says 'mum will buy it for me then'.

A lot depends on the age of the child. Pre-school I would ignore it but if there is a tell tale tit at school I would nip it in the bud. I was at school with a Miss Goody Two shoes who would always tell on us and when she spoke or played with us she was so bossy. When we said we didn't like it, she would tell on us and her mother would come in and we would get told off.

I expected my children to do household jobs without any payment, not because I thought they should be grateful for a roof over their head but because it was our home and it was for all of our benefit that it was well kept.
I didn't expect them to keep their bedrooms in perfect order, because that was their own private space to keep as they agreed between themselves.

I thought this was sweet
Grandson A has lots of things he wants for Christmas. Grandson B 8 years old offered Grandson A to make a few requests to Santa on his letter as he doesn't really need anything.(just another lightsaber.!)

ExDancer could your goody goody grandson be neurodiverse? My granddaughter finds it almost impossible not to let everyone know when others are in the wrong!

Seabear

Stealth brag?

Mumsnet expression?

My DGC all have to do tasks, not onerous but suited to their ages.

Maybe giving children lots of material possessions isn’t so bad after all

I think if they are made aware that not every child is as lucky as them, they will appreciate what they have and become keen to help others.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I dont believe in handing children too much on a plate. Its better to give them the opportunity to earn what they want by doing tasks in the home or getting a part time job. Then they will learn responsibility and work related skills. There is nothing wrong with children working for what they receive rather than simply holding out their hands. Moving on to when they are applying for university or a job it always looks more impressive to employers/selectors if they have taken a bit of initiaive.

When I went for my first interview (aged 16) I thought the civil service interviewers might look down on me because I had a part time job in a chip shop (rather than a nice department store). When I told them what I had learned from being there - including dealing with customers who came in a "bit merry" from the pub - they seemed quite impressed. I got the job.