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Grandparenting

Problems with grandchildrens mum

(74 Posts)
jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 01:28:39

I pick my 2 year old grandson up from nursery on a Wednesday and take him home until my son gets home and then he takes him home. He does not live the mother.
Now the mother has decided that I have to take him straight home to her, so my son has told her I’m not picking him up anymore I’m not happy about this and am not sure what to do.

imaround Wed 12-Oct-22 01:51:34

What does the custody agreement say in regards to that particular day of the week? Why is she the problem if your son is the one who said you would no longer pick up the gc? Have you told anyone that you would still enjoy picking them up, even if you take them to their moms house?

imaround Wed 12-Oct-22 01:53:58

Sorry I misread. You watch your gc while our son is at work.

Did mom say why she no longer wants you watching the gc on that day?

Grams2five Wed 12-Oct-22 04:34:30

Does she have a right if first refusal in the custody arrangement ? Meaning if your son is at work does she have first dibs at “watching” her own child during that time?

Hithere Wed 12-Oct-22 04:36:19

Agree more details are needed

BlueBelle Wed 12-Oct-22 05:06:48

The mother well you obviously don’t like her ?
Is your son living alone and has the son certain days and nights with him ? I agree with others it’s a bit too sketchy to make an observation

jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 09:37:33

The mother of my 2 grandsons one of 2 and one of 1 is toxic, I have tried to talk to her and be helpful my son is staying at mine because he can’t live with her and the boys stay at mine all weekend when she wants to go out, I’m not saying my son is perfect but all he wants to do is be a good dad but in her eyes he is the worst dad in the world. And now I can’t bring the 3 year old to mine after nursery because apparently he didn’t eat his dinner last week when he went home and had to have a bath

Hithere Wed 12-Oct-22 11:03:06

How can your son be more involved in their kids' care?

How often does he have them on his own?

Grams2five Wed 12-Oct-22 11:09:45

jojo220263

The mother of my 2 grandsons one of 2 and one of 1 is toxic, I have tried to talk to her and be helpful my son is staying at mine because he can’t live with her and the boys stay at mine all weekend when she wants to go out, I’m not saying my son is perfect but all he wants to do is be a good dad but in her eyes he is the worst dad in the world. And now I can’t bring the 3 year old to mine after nursery because apparently he didn’t eat his dinner last week when he went home and had to have a bath

Well it sounds like unless you’re son has some kind of formal
Custody arrangement drawn up the mother is within her rights to say she doesn’t want him going to your home when she’d rather have him at hers during the week(as your son seems to see the chap for weekends), or really whenever. You aren’t entitled to your afternoon with him simply because you’ve had it before or want it. This doesn’t mean you need to pick him up or drive him anyplace simply that you can’t demand he be allowed to go to your place when you like

Norah Wed 12-Oct-22 11:18:45

Both your GS come to you on weekend?

Their mum wants them (or one of them) fed and bathed by your son on Wednesday, if at your home?

Very confusing, also the ages change a bit.

More details may help posters understand.

Hithere Wed 12-Oct-22 13:41:26

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jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 16:36:14

My son does a lot for his kids, and my background has nothing to do with this.
For your information I left my husband but unfortunately my son has found himself with an abusive woman .
Incase you narrow mind can’t grasp it women can be abusive too

crazyH Wed 12-Oct-22 16:48:49

‘one of 2 and one of 1’ - are you referring to their ages?

jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 17:47:32

Yes that’s their ages

Hithere Wed 12-Oct-22 17:56:18

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jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 19:03:37

Can you stop comment please because you have nothing to say that I would listen to

BlueBelle Wed 12-Oct-22 19:11:00

Well you say I is 1 and one is 2 but your not allowed to have the 3 year old after nursery ???
The mother of my 2 grandsons one of 2 and one of 1 is toxic
But you say
and now I can’t bring the 3 year old to mine
How many grandkids are involved…. ages 1, 2:and 3 ??

Blimey your last post seems rather rude maybe your daughter in law is having a difficult time with you !! more than the other way round

jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 19:26:25

They are 2 and 1 and there actually seems no point in posting on here because people are so judgmental.
So I hope you all enjoy your perfect lives.

Hithere Wed 12-Oct-22 19:47:04

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jojo220263 Wed 12-Oct-22 20:34:26

There is no feedback just criticisms

AmberSpyglass Wed 12-Oct-22 20:42:26

If it’s her day to have custody she’s well within her rights to have them straight from nursery. If you don’t like that, presumably you don’t have to pick them up?

crazyH Wed 12-Oct-22 21:03:54

jojo - I don’t think anyone is being judgemental. It’s just that your post is a bit confusing. So you have 2 grandchildren.? There appears to be mention of a 3 year old - perhaps that was a typo.
Your son should not have told her that you will not be picking up the little one. That is your chance to see the little one and by dropping the child of at the mother’s house, you will have a chance to see the younger child as well.
We, as grandparents, have to put with a lot, just for a chance to have a relationship with our grandchildren. I know I have. Just keep a sweet smile on your face and do what the mother says. flowers

JaneJudge Wed 12-Oct-22 21:10:16

My advice is to just try and say nothing and be passive
document everything ie. write everything down
times/dates etc
Your son needs to get a formal arrangement in place so he has the boys on x times etc and if you pick them up that is to do with him

They are 2 &1 and the parents are no longer together, I imagine your son and is ex are BOTH being a nightmare with one another. As the parent to him and grandparent you are in a perfect place to set a good example so put one foot in front of the other and try to stay out of it (meant with the best intentions)

MercuryQueen Wed 12-Oct-22 21:13:08

It makes sense to me that a child would be with a parent instead of grandparent. You’re certainly in the clear to refuse to provide transportation.

Farmor15 Wed 12-Oct-22 23:04:57

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