Whoever goes first

Don’t you ever make jokes like that? We do it all the time.

I even call him “the man of the moment “.

Don't be upset. If you're dead you won't know and, if you're the survivor, you may move along the same track. So glad you're both 'keepers' (and not possesions). I'm very envious.

It's a great compliment to you (and appreciation of your relationship) if your partner would consider another when you've 'gone'. You wouldn't want them to be lonely - would you?

We say it jokingly too peasblossom. Of course DH thinks he will go first 'as men always do'.

You are obviously a good match Grandpajo so I expect she would miss you as much as I would miss DH so try to dismiss the thought. And joke about it more!!

She probably said it tongue in cheek and got the reaction she expected. It's a tricky subject which we often talk about which we have too don't we as we get older.
Personally we have different friends who we socialise with. I will (if my husband goes first) do what we do now socialise with the same friends. A couple are divorced males who we dine out with I will carry on with that but just as friends. I am not interested in anything other than just good friends dining out drinks etc. Not sure I would move though think I would stay put.

DH has always said he would go first, but after his recent heart bypass operation, I am not so sure.

I think I would manage OK on my own. He had a job that took him away from home a lot to inaccessible places (especially before mobile phones) sometimes for months and life continued smoothly in his absence.

In fact I think I would miss him far, far more than I can possibly realise.

However, both possibilities have been discussed and if he does outlive me, there are plans in place for what he should do and where he should live.

Peasblossom

Don’t you ever make jokes like that? We do it all the time.

I even call him “the man of the moment “.

No never really talked about it before.Its just her eyes give alot away I know her so well ,she wasn't joking .

Kim19

Don't be upset. If you're dead you won't know and, if you're the survivor, you may move along the same track. So glad you're both 'keepers' (and not possesions). I'm very envious.

No would throw myself into interests motorbikes etc I suppose.Couldn't live with someone else sure of that.

Hetty58

It's a great compliment to you (and appreciation of your relationship) if your partner would consider another when you've 'gone'. You wouldn't want them to be lonely - would you?

I suppose, but she has so many Friends she says they're like sisters they would look after her.

kittylester

We say it jokingly too peasblossom. Of course DH thinks he will go first 'as men always do'.

You are obviously a good match Grandpajo so I expect she would miss you as much as I would miss DH so try to dismiss the thought. And joke about it more!!

Thankyou glad your so happy with your husband but don't think I could bring it up again ,a bit confusing why it effected me so much.

It's unsettling to think that she is forward planning to have someone else.
Possibly, tho, she is thinking it as she can't imagine being without a partner, rather than an actual plan.

If she is, in fact, left alone she may not feel the same.
Bereavement can affect a person very differently from whatever they expected.

Redhead56

She probably said it tongue in cheek and got the reaction she expected. It's a tricky subject which we often talk about which we have too don't we as we get older.
Personally we have different friends who we socialise with. I will (if my husband goes first) do what we do now socialise with the same friends. A couple are divorced males who we dine out with I will carry on with that but just as friends. I am not interested in anything other than just good friends dining out drinks etc. Not sure I would move though think I would stay put.

I suppose we are like friends too do alot with family or together. We both have friends but she alot more then me,I only have three maybe four.Yes probably as starting to talk about wills,last homes etc I'm not sure I'll get used to it prefer the more light hearted stuff,having a laugh.

Hetty58

It's a great compliment to you (and appreciation of your relationship) if your partner would consider another when you've 'gone'. You wouldn't want them to be lonely - would you?

My late husband always used to say he would like to think I would find happiness again if he passed first - I was always adamant that no-one could replace him. He passed away nearly five years ago now, and I am in another relationship. I felt so guilty at moving on until I realised that I wasn’t ‘replacing’ any aspect of my husband or our marriage. My partner is completely different and I love him for the man he is, not as a replacement for the man I lost. The ‘what would you do’ conversations are sometimes serious, and sometimes lighthearted, but they take place in the hope that it will never happen - it’s good to get things out and sorted, and as one PP put it, ‘if you’re dead you won’t be around to see it !!’. So OP, I would take comfort in the fact that your OH is being realistic and honest in as much as she knows there may come a time when she would seek male company again. It’s a compliment to you.

FarNorth

It's unsettling to think that she is forward planning to have someone else.
Possibly, tho, she is thinking it as she can't imagine being without a partner, rather than an actual plan.

If she is, in fact, left alone she may not feel the same.
Bereavement can affect a person very differently from whatever they expected.

I think you've got it there ,the forward planning that was a bit of a shock to me We've been together since she was nineteen I get what your saying .

Thanks Pammiel alot to think about it's all becoming clearer now..better get work

We've had the same conversations. If he goes first and I'm physically fit enough I will "go travelling" but can't imagine being interested in another relationship. If I go first I'm not sure what he'll do as he doesn't like to imagine the scenario. I've told him to find someone else but watch out for the gold diggers as he'd be a good financial catch!

Hi Granpajo
You sound a lovely husband. My husband and I used to joke about who would go first and what the survivor would do. As it happens my husband went first nearly four years ago and, to be honest, finding another partner has been the last thing on my to do list.
However, your wife sounds a survivor and I don’t think you would like her to be unhappy but I f she did find friendship with another man, he wouldn’t be replacing you.
If it happened that she went first, would you be happy leading a solitary life or would you prefer to find friendship with another woman?

If she’s as hopeless as me with practical things (because I have a kind husband who is very practical and good at ‘stuff’, as you probably are) a male friend could be very useful.

Woodmouse

We've had the same conversations. If he goes first and I'm physically fit enough I will "go travelling" but can't imagine being interested in another relationship. If I go first I'm not sure what he'll do as he doesn't like to imagine the scenario. I've told him to find someone else but watch out for the gold diggers as he'd be a good financial catch!

Too right it's a minefield out there.I wouldn't know how to handle a new relationship, so many complications,anyway who would ave me.
I know someone who travels alot on her own but is a seasoned traveller going to all parts of the world, not just the usual tourist destinations when her husband was with her.

Notyetagran46

Hi Granpajo
You sound a lovely husband. My husband and I used to joke about who would go first and what the survivor would do. As it happens my husband went first nearly four years ago and, to be honest, finding another partner has been the last thing on my to do list.
However, your wife sounds a survivor and I don’t think you would like her to be unhappy but I f she did find friendship with another man, he wouldn’t be replacing you.
If it happened that she went first, would you be happy leading a solitary life or would you prefer to find friendship with another woman?

Thanks I try to be .Can't imagine how hard it must be after losing a long term partner hope all well with you.This is it I just don't think after so long that I could approach another relationship in fact the thought of it is just too daunting with families and all the politics of it.Think better off alone ...I think.