I don't discuss my stepson's bouncing estrangement with anyone much, in real life.
Partly, because my DH feels curiously "ashamed" that a son of his should have turned out to be such a money grabbing, self serving little ratbag,?
To discuss him, with either friends or my family, would feel like I'm just embarrassing my DH, so I don't do it.
To be honest, though, I know a lot of people that are estranged from family, in every direction, but it's rarely discussed. Most people are getting on with the "here and now", and not rehashing and reliving family fallouts, so I'm not sure who or where these people saying all the "wrong things" are.
The situation rarely changes, but I guess we just live real life around it, and make the best of it.
If anyone says to me they're estranged, I stick to just saying "oh that's a shame" - I never start apportioning blame!?