Presents without Prescence

Perhaps they feel a bit guilty about their recent neglect and are trying to say sorry?
Maybe you can find a way to say thank you combined with a hint that you would like to see them?
I certainly agree that their presence would be far more valuable than any present. I do hope they realise this soon.

Maybe...

I don't wish to be ungrateful or mean so I posted here to try and process my feelings. I obviously have accepted it, by opening it- and there's no way I can get it back in it's packaging or return it- and to do so would be extremely ungrateful and hurtful.

But...

My son does not ever say sorry or admit he's wrong...so...this probably IS him trying to build bridges. I think he has missed the point but am trying to get things in perspective before I say thanks so I don't mess things up further.

PS I would like to be able to say that I would have valued seeing my GC this year more than any of the gifts. I would like to say I would have valued one text from my DiL more than any of the gifts. I would like to say I would have valued one phone call or video call from my son more than any of the gifts. Especially on Mother's Day when I was sad.

But I probably won't because I don't know how without causing offence or seeming unappreciative.

This is tricky isn't it. I hope you work out the best way to deal with it. Sending you good wishes for success in healing the breach.

When my kids were little, I gave them lots of TIME. I felt it was important, that it was the most important gift. But I don't think they think that.

Everyone has a different "love language", I suppose. Some people might prize luxury gifts over time with family?

Thanks Henetha I'm giving myself a minute or 60 before replying to them.

I know he's insecure and I don't want to make things worse. I'm just not into competitive gift giving.

Best idea, give yourself time. I utterly agree with that seeing them would mean everything. No gift can make up for not seeing them, or hearing properly from them. Giving time is the greatest gift.
I hope they soon realise just how hurtful they are being.

Thanks Henetha.

I think Not knowing the motive behind the gift is confusing. It could be that spending several hundred pounds is a dominant thing... I had already bought them Easter eggs and thought that would do, but didn't know if I would actually see them. I'd been thinking I'd donate them to a charity, in all honesty. This does feel embarassing and really OTT. Also, I think they may go away for Easter and not be available, so this could be a big fob off- literally presents instead of presence.

I know I sound ungrateful and I don't mean to be. I just need more time. Just texted DH and he's just said " that's nice of them, but it would be nice to have actually seen them". He gets it, at least. It's not just me.

I agree with Henetha, your DS and DiL probably think this is an olive branch. I do understand that a visit would have been the best gift, but I would try not to feel aggrieved. Thank them, perhaps mention that you are looking forward to thanking them in person in the not too distant future?

Yes, I think they do and I will be gracious and find the appreciation from somewhere.

I think DiL is very money orientated and probably expects us to spend several hundred pounds on gifts back. This isn't something I can do because I have other kids and family apart from them. I don't want to get into a competition of who can give them best gifts because I'd just rather not have the gift in the first place. For us, Easter has just been giving Chocolate eggs or bunnies and Id don't really want to change the way we do things.

I don't want to cause offence either....

Oh dear.

Why not say thankyou adding a comment about how much you look forward to seeing them in the near future .

I understand perfectly how you feel, OnwardandUpward, but for your own sake, please resist the temptation to even so much as hint at how you feel.

Sad though it is, and whatever the reason, visiting you seems to be something that isn't on their agenda. I fear that even the slightest pressure from you for them to do that will have exactly the opposite result. Hinting might make them feel guilty, yes, but making them feel bad could make them distance themselves even more ...

oh just say 'thank-you for a lovely gift!' least said sooner mended.....

I agree with lemsip and would add 'looking forward to seeing you'.

Onwards I agree with lemsip and Smiles. It's best just to say thank you. And if they want more contact let them make the first move. Otherwise they could say you were being needy and turn it back on you.

It sucks! Having said that, I’d go ‘higher’ as they say and thank them for such a kind and generous gift. Maybe add how thoughtful.
End with how I’m thinking of them, as ever, and hoping they are all well and that life is good. They may not respond, but it leaves a door open for them to get in touch hopefully reasonably confident of a friendly welcome. Anything that hints of recrimination could put things back years if they can’t handle that. Good luck!

You are over thinking it, accept the gift with good grace and say thank you very much.

I’m sure nobody expects you to buy expensive gifts in return.

Least said soonest mended.

Thank them for the gift. And add "Let's have a catch up soon, always nice to see you!"

Great response Madgran!

Take it for what it is - a super Easter present. Perhaps it’s an olive branch . Just show your appreciation and say how lovely it was. Ask how they’re doing and mention, in passing, that you would love to see them. Best wishes OandU !!

Thank them and be gracious, they obviously think @bout you and you don’t know what difficulties they might have had. I would definitely say, we miss you and are so looking forward to meeting up.

Thanks ladies. I saw he was online and sent a short message thanking him and saying we would love to see them. He read the messages but didn't reply.

"Least said , soonest mended" is wise advice! Thanks.

I had the feeling he was annoyed with me on Mother's Day as he wrote a message that it should be Childrens Day. He knew we were busy visiting the Grandma's and did not ask to join in, just seemed to have a bad feeling about it and did not send a card or ring me. I'm not sure if this gift is to try and make me feel guilty, but surely if it's given to build contact he will contact me.

Without knowing your past history, you seem to have a very complicated relationship.
Previous posters are correct here, just simplify it with the thank you and leave it at that.

You know that thing about never looking a gift horse in the mouth?
You and I (and I suspect most of us here) would prefer presence to presents but some people are not so good about communicating and sometimes compensate with OTT gifts.
I'd say thank them and yes, say how much you are looking forward to seeing the sometime soon then sit back and enjoy something which is intended to bring you pleasure.