The gift that keeps on giving!

How sad DHH7 …and to think, you brought him up on your own. What is the cause of your on and off estrangement?
I suppose you always have that glimmer of hope that one day everything will be fine. Is your son moving away from the area?
You have to join some clubs or do some voluntary work so you can keep yourself busy. A couple of years ago, I went through a bad patch with my middle son, but through perseverance (on my part ) I managed to dodge the estrangement bullet. Like you, I was always allowed to see the children. Things are sort of ok at the moment, but not perfect. But then, is there ever a perfect relationship.
I don’t have advice other than to suggest you try and patch things up before they move. Bury the hatchet. Give him a call …

Oh my goodness your post is terribly sad to read. I don’t know how I can help you apart from advising you to somehow make a life of your own and forget about your son and your GC.

I accept that’s not easy, especially when one is older but there are ways. Friends Together is a site you can join which helps older women meet other women for friendship. Voluntary work is a good way of getting out and doing good whilst meeting people. Your situation with your son is out of your control, unless there’s more you aren’t disclosing, but you can control your own life to a greater degree. If you have more going on yourself you’ll be less likely to be affected by the loss of your son and GC. Take heart

I guess I should have know better. Best of luck to all of you. There is no hope.

DHH7 Of course there is hope.

Look at the facts, it seems your son is a control freak and his children are scared of him.

Why would they hate you?

My narcissistic mother had people that she hated me being in touch with because she needed to know I had nowhere to go, if I had strong friends or family supporting me.

She knew I would desert her.

I think your son is possibly controlling and you need to be there for your grandchildren as one day they may need you.

Keep faith, keep strong and keep the door open.

I wish you all the best.

DHH7 I was so sorry to read your OP.

Such a cruel thing to do to you and your GC, to allow you to have a relationship with them and them with you, to then take it away.

Maybe when your GC are free from their father's influence they will reach out to you. They will have memories of the times they used to see you and that can only be a good thing.

I can understand how you must have felt, finding out that your son is moving. Being estranged from your adult child and GC brings with it a pain that never truly goes away.

We're estranged from our youngest son and only GC and have been for more than 9 years but are fortunate to have one another, family and friends and a great relationship with our other son, although he lives in Aus. which isn't easy.

There's a support thread on this forum for anyone whose life has been affected by estrangement, and it has been running for more than 9 years.

Maybe you could take a look. The friendship, support and advice you'll find there is invaluable and it really does help to know that you are not alone.

DHH7 what a very sad situation
Some wise words here as usual.

Thank you for mentioning Friends Together tickingbird, that sounds interesting

So sorry to read this DHH7 That's very upsetting!

My son is making sure that we cannot see our GC and we haven't this year, despite us seeing them at Christmas and us thinking we had made "progress". It seems now that they just wanted their gifts!

Dogs are the BEST! Not sure where I would be without my dog and my youngest son, who's lovely (and single).

I think I should have known better, as well. But how can we? We are mothers. We love. We care. It's not always returned, but it's still there.

I agree you must hold on to hope for your grandchildren. You do not know what verbal poison they have been fed.
You have a heart and it's been broken by this very unfair treatment. Estrangement can happen to anyone anytime not knowing why it occurs is sad.

I honestly think you should get out and volunteer in your local community to make friends. You need to mix with others not be on your own. Until you can organise things visit this site. Even if just to vent there is always someone with equal troubles or sensible advice willing to talk.

So sorry you are in this situation

Sadly, estrangement is usually initiated by conflict between parties.
Unless the source of the issue is addressed - that is the key to solve this

" I literally have no friends or other family. I have no one that I can even tell about this. If it weren’t for my dog, I would not even be alive to write this. "

You must address your suicidal thoughts asap.
You can only control your own actions and improve your life.

Wishing you the best of luck

If they are now 22 ( fully fledged adults) are you sure they are still living at home You say you p granddaughter texted you in the past if you have numbers for them why not send them a text telling them you miss them and will always love them and if they ever want to contact you you ll always be there for them and leave your number
Then wait
If they are now adults they can make their own minds up about you
Good luck and keep the faith all may not be lost

I think that the only way to resolve this is to try and find out why the relationship is broken but I appreciate that's probably not going to happen after 7 years.

It's very concerning that you have no family or friendship support. Why has that happened and what can you do to rectify it? Are there any clubs to join nearby or could you find a work or volunteer position to meet people?

The only thing you can control is your own life and happiness, don't live life alone if you don't have to