Nero-divergent teenage grandson being bullied

He is in year 7.

I'm so sorry that your GS is being bullied Maggie. Please forgive my ignorance but could you explain what Nero-divergent means?

He is on the autistic spectrum and different from the other kids his age.

This better explains

The term "neurodivergent" refers to the idea that differences in the human brain are natural and normal and, in many cases, can lead to meaningful and positive insights and abilities. People are described as neurodiverse when their thought patterns, behaviors, or learning styles fall outside of what is considered "normal," or neurotypical.

In what way is he being bullied? Is it physical or verbal? How badly is it affecting him?
Sadly, I think a lot of school struggle to stay on top of bullying but I think the sort of bullying can make a difference as to the actions parents can take.

He really should be getting some support from the school. My daughter went to see several of our local secondary schools before she found one that seemed to have the best facilities for autistic children and so far things have gone pretty well.

Thanks Maggie. Bless him, the school should be doing something about this. All schools have a policy for dealing with bullying, ask to see theirs.

It is both physical & emotional and my daughter and son-in-law are going to school again on Monday. He is called all sorts of names because he is academically clever but lacks some social skills, they take his school equipment, bump into him on purpose, cut in the lunch line and I think at one point up ended his lunch tray. What the school seems to be doing is monitoring the perpetrators and registering the incidents but not registering how many times it is happening to my GS. It has got to the stage now that my daughter will start reporting it as an assault to the police. They are taking some of it seriously for example when his PE shorts were pulled down the class was informed it was sexual assault but they don't seem to be consistent in dealing with it. My daughter witnessed on Monday a group of 6 boys surrounding my GS and his friend and one went down his rack shack and took his phone. My daughter called out and the phone was returned. She went into the office to report it and it was investigated and put down to high jinx and not they are not seeing the pattern, hence her visit on Monday she is not happy with how they are handling it. Sometimes it affects him and for others, it doesn't. It kills me. The reason he went to the school in the first place was due to its pastoral care!

I'm what's a 'rack shack'?

That's um not I'm

I have to say this fills me with fear. I also have a grandson on the spectrum. Extremely bright academically but, like your grandson, lacks society skills. Thankfully, at the moment, he's still in primary school but I do worry about him moving up

Aveline

I'm what's a 'rack shack'?

Typo for ruck sack?

Phew? I was thinking all sorts!
Time for serious discussion with school and threat to leave. Report to local education authority. The school needs to really step up. Chances are there are other pupils suffering too.

Maggie17, reading your post at 21.32 had me back 15 years when my oldest grandson started high school. Like your grandson, he’s very bright, highly intelligent but socially really struggles.

Primary school responded to his diagnoses age 8 by putting him in charge of the library. This allowed him to avoid play time and gave him some status as he could help children choose books.
High school was awful. On the school bus, He had chewing gum rubbed into his hair, his back pack stolen and thrown around. I’ll never forgetting his detailed explanation to he of the advice in his year 7 on how to avoid bullying on the bus. He said it was helpful because now he sat near the driver and ignored the bullies. I could still weep.
Apologies for not coming up with constructive suggestions. It’s really tough for these bright neuro divergent children . More should be done to challenge and educate the bullies. Totally wrong that my grandson was effectively given responsibility for his own safety.
When I was a girl, there was a conductor who chucked trouble makers off the bus. Surely conductors should be on buses to maintain order. How can the driver do that

Maggie
Your daughter and her will have to make themselves a nuisance. By this I mean they have to get as much information as they can on the school’s responsibility. Then email all this information to the school demanding an answer within a reasonable time frame. By law ( I know this) they have to reply to you. And then you keep emailing them again and again with every piece of information they gather, it’s amazing how much is out there that schools don’t want you to know.
It’s hard work and takes up an enormous amount of time, but you can beat them.
My daughter did.

We are coming up to the summer holiday, this needs to be dealt with now.

I would tell your daughter to put in writing to the school that if any future incidents happen the police will be called and that the LEA (local education authority) and OFSTED will be informed.

I would also include all incidents and th names of the children that are known.

I would start keeping a diary of all incidents. With photos of any injury or damage to property.

She can call the local police station to give a statement and show them the evidence.

In would include it all in the (formal) letter and make it clear that she wants to be informed of all steps in the investigation. I would also ask for a meeting in Spetember to inspire that nothing is forgotten or set aside over the holiday.

Best of luck, my daughter is on the spectrum and it is so painful how cruel children can be

Has the SENCO been involved with the transition from Primary School? I was the SENCO for a large comprehensive and had responsibility for working with all neurodivergent students regardless of their academic ability and making staff aware of any specific mannerisms or needs in the classroom.

I had a quiet room that any pupil could access at lunch times and many bright autistic students went there. Some had Time Out passes to use if classrooms got too noisy, students could use them to come to my Support Centre for a few moments and have a chat with an adult if they wanted to. The library was also a safe place to go to sit quietly or go on the computer. One of my TAs ran an after school club for Minecraft and coding which appealed to some such pupils.

These things did not eliminate bullying I’m afraid but did give students coping strategies and gave me the opportunity to find out who was doing the bullying so I could work with the Head of Year to deal with the bullies. Your grandson is coming to the end of the school year so it is an ideal opportunity to look at his teaching groups for next year. I would suggest putting him in the higher sets, possibly higher than his ability might indicate, so he is less likely to be in troublesome classes. If he had good friends from Primary School, it’s a chance for him to be put in some of their classes for support.

It is totally unacceptable and your daughter is right to go in to complain, the school should be working to prevent incidents possibly through circle time sessions when the bullies can learn how harmful their behaviour is.

If your grandson has a diagnosis of autism ( apologies if I’m not using the current terminology, I retired in 2016 and I know things have changed) then if he has regular CAHMS input the psychologists there can work with the school.

Many children who are different need good coping strategies, safe places and empathetic key workers and the school can provide these to make his life easier.

Iam64
In the climate we live in now there’s nothing a conductor could do. He/she certainly couldn’t touch the child and they know it.
Who’s the conductor going to call for help to evict them from the bus, the police?

I am not suggesting that your grandson has to be the one who changes but some of my suggestions might help him cope while the school gets to grips with the bullying.

VioletSky
The children at my granddaughters school have a saying for pupils who name those who are making trouble: if you snitch, you get stitched

It's awful when it's your child or grandchild, I know.

It's also appalling that the school are being so uninvolved, so far.
I would feel just the same as you.

Really? With everything I have written you feel the need to correct my spelling/grammar!

Thank you for all the helpful comments I do appreciate the support.

Go to the chair of governors. It is unlikely that the school are logging the incidents of bullying. If your daughter does not see an improvement then go to the Local Authority.

I would honestly called the police and press charges

I would also change schools