Cannot visit grandkids if we fly

Having just flown to and from Canada on a service that still requires a mask to be worn whilst on onboard all the while, it seems responsible airlines also consider it a risk still. So perhaps your dil is wise.

You can go... By car!

I have been on 4 flights and didn’t catch it. Caught it at home from my husband who got it from his colleagues. Good advice to holiday in San Francisco until negative if you can afford it.

The parents are being very reasonable - covid.

Fly, stay in a hotel, see lovely California for a few days, test negative and meet the baby. You have that choice, I presume.

I am in the UK. Last weekend I visited my youngest granddaughter (7 months) by train about 250 miles from me. In the rush to catch my train I forgot to take my covid test. Felt fine all throughout the weekend. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I started to feel unwell and I tested positive for Covid. I became so anxious that I had put the baby and family at risk. I have always been so careful to protect my family and others. They are fine. However I will never make that mistake again of not testing before I visit. It’s possible I could have caught Covid on my return as it was jam packed due to previous cancellation.

I flew from Bali to Perth yesterday and although all passengers were asked to wear masks, many didn’t and I was surprised to see the majority of airport staff, immigration, border control, security staff etc etc without them too, bearing in mind the thousands of people they deal with each day!!! So yes, I would say flying is very high risk still!

i don't think the child's mother is being unreasonable at all.
but whether she is or not is irrelevant, and i don't think it helps you to try to garner support for the view that she is unreasonable.
it doesn't matter. if everyone agreed she was being unreasonable, that would make no difference.
so it's not good for you to think in those terms.
it is the parents absolute decision.
their child is of the utmost importance to them.
nothing comes near that in importance, and certainly not how you react to their decisions.
i'm not being horrible, but if you don't shew proper respect for their role as parents at this time, it may adversely affect any future relationship.

Our neighbours recently arrived back in Australia after 6 weeks in the UK........both contracted Covid on the flight home:-( even though masks were mandatory!

Covid vaccinations protect those who are vaccinated. You can still catch it but will be less affected than if you were not vaccinated.
Vaccinated people can have Covid without symptoms, can carry and pass on the virus.
The air in a plane is recycled and you are in very close proximity to a lot of others, sharing the same air, and any virus' in that air.
The airport is enclosed and fresh air from outside isn't regularly blown through. Air con filters don't usually remove the virus, it's too small for their filters.
In a car, you are just sharing air with the other passengers. You open the windows, and doors regularly during the trip. This changes the air and disperses and virus in that air.
You stand more chance of catching Covid on a plane journey.

Maryelizabethrose - as others have said, you just have to follow parent's wishes. However, in the meantime, rather than trying to communicate by phone, which seems to be a problem, ask your son to send photos and short videos.

Having a son and family living in a different country, I found short video clips much better than trying to have a video call. I could watch the videos again and again, if I wanted, whereas with live calls, children were cranky or crying often!

I suppose people have different feelings and fears about Covid. My sister in law has just flown to Los Angeles from here to stay with her daughter who has just had her second baby- no problem.

Hire a motohome. That way you can just please yourself and no worries about catching covid. Plus, you’ve always got somewhere to go ? if you want a break from your hosts.

First and foremost, congratulations on becoming grandparents.

I get the feeling this is your first grandchild.

If so, perhaps you have forgotten, as we all have over the years, how overwhelming becoming a mother is, so before you say anything to your son or DIL that could cause hard feelings, try and remember EXACTLY what scared you silly when your son X numbers of years ago was new born.

Looking back, you doubtless can see how unrational your fears were then, but at the time? Come on love: were you scared silly, someone would come into the maternity ward bring meningitis or TB or polio with them and give it to your cherished baby? Or were you convinced a horde of unhappy women who had just lost a baby, or who would never be able to have one were lurking around waiting for you to leave your son for a minute, so they could steal him?

This is where your DIL is now - scared silly that Covid is going to come along and kill HER BABY.

Cut her some slack, please. It will repay itself, I promise you.

Quite honestly, I feel that the risk of catching Covid on a plane, train or bus, where you are sharing the air you breathe with total strangers, going to the same tiny toilet cubicles, standing in queues etc. is far greater than if you drive there - even if a nineteen hour journey means staying overnight in a motel.

But it honestly does not matter if the risk is greater - your DIL is scared and convinced that it is. Humour her! She is not trying to hurt you or treat you unfairly. She is just a young mother coping with the emotions that flooded her when she held her precious baby and with the stark fear that invaded her when she really realised for the first time that from now on her first priority is to protect that little child, cost what it will.

Drive to see them, breaking the journey on the way, and if you and your husband can afford to do so, stay a couple of days and take covid tests in the town where you son and DIL live before going to see them.

Explain beforehand that this is what you intend to do, to be sure you mimimize the risk as far as humanely possible, and enjoy the visit and you grandchild, when you get there.

How about flying and then renting a small apartment close by and having a mini holiday for a few days until you can prove you are covid free... I'm not sure how many days it takes now? That long drive sounds awful and very tiring.
I know my sister in the US wasn't allowed to see her new granddaughter if she has seen friends and had to isolate and wait several days ... and they live almost next door! She wasn't happy either.

It's a natural instinct in any mother to protect her child and generally they seem to be extra cautious now with covid. In the past if you had a cold of flue you were also discouraged from visiting.
We are living in more different times now!

I have to agree with the other posters I’m afraid, being high risk myself I would probably say the same in a similar situation. But can you not speak to your son or daughter-in-law about talking on zoom more often as you can’t get to see them all very often. Perhaps if they realised how cut off from them you feel they might make an effort to talk more. I hope you can resolve the situation.

I think the only way to fly would be, as some have suggested, isolate for a week after the flight and test. If you test negative after five days you are most likely not infected (not that precise of a thing, but incubation is typically 3-5 days). That said I recently drove myself from CT to CA to relocate and actually enjoyed the drive. I was super careful to mask at rest stops and in public areas of the hotels where I stopped for the night.

I am not keen on flying (not because of COVID, I just don’t like flying). A few years ago I went to the South of France from the Midlands in the U.K. with a friend. Because I don’t like flying and we needed a car as we were going to a rural area, we drove. More importantly, we made the trip part of the holiday. It sounds like a small (and obvious) distinction, but somehow making the journey part of the holiday made it one of the most enjoyable aspects of the holiday. Why not look on the map, take a few roads less travelled, have some stops on the way and make the best of an unfortunate situation? Difficult times we live in ?

Normandygirl

nadateturbe

Yes, flying is worse. There is much more chance of getting covid. My DD flies with GC to visit me. We know we are taking a risk to see each other.
But we would understand if either of us didn't want to take that risk.
It's just unfortunate that you live so far away. Sad times.x

Why do you think there is much more chance of getting covid if you fly?
As the OP has stated she is vaccinated, boosted and will take covid tests, how she gets there is irrelevant.

Because in a car she is cocooned from other people, unless she stops off at a service area of course. Airplanes are breeding grounds for germs. Everybody sitting close together, aircon circulating it around. Doesn’t take much working out.

I feel for you I really do - our children & Grandchildren live abroad and we have to fly / as no way to see them otherwise. Could you fly and then isolate for an agreed time / take a test after the isolation day ?

If you don't fly and given the minimum of 19 hours for a road trip you will probably need a stop over somewhere and of course breaks for mrals etc. No matter how, you will be exposed to any possible source of the
virus. Don't know what the levels of spread are in the USA. In the UK I have been flying up and down the country for the past 4 months. Family been doing so too. No one has caught the virus and very few wearing masks on the plane. Think you should postpone your visit until GC until all vaccinations are done.

Personally I thinks they are over reacting. You have both been vaccinated, you can take every precaution and not fly yet still pass on Covid, I’m assuming you would need to stop several times on your 19 hour drive including overnight and for comfort breaks, who’s to say you won’t catch Covid (or any other transferable disease) on the way. If you’ve agreed to test before and after flight and wear masks and keep away from people at the airport as much as you can, then I’d say you’re no more at risk there than anywhere else.

Normandygirl
And it's not just the plane flight itself. A few months ago we flew from Bristol Airport and the tightly packed queues for security etc were far worse than I'd anticipated. At least if you are in a supermarket you can avoid being up close and personal with other shoppers. If time isn't an issue, think you could fly there, stay in a hotel for a week to make sure you haven't caught Covid and then see your family.

A relation was banned from seeing her first grandchild for the same reason. She lives in Australia, she and her husband had to have booster jabs for a lot of childhood illnesses and have another covid booster then wait quite a few weeks. She only lives on the other side of the city. She did not say if it was family or State rules.
I feel so sorry for you.

Make it into a circular route, with at least 2 stops each way, 3 would be even better. A great trip to enjoy, and a baby to see.

www.google.com/maps/dir/Colorado,+%C3%89tats-Unis/San+Francisco,+Californie,+%C3%89tats-Unis/@37.6493543,-123.0550544,5z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m14!4m13!1m5!1m1!1s0x874014749b1856b7:0xc75483314990a7ff!2m2!1d-105.7820674!2d39.5500507!1m5!1m1!1s0x80859a6d00690021:0x4a501367f076adff!2m2!1d-122.4194155!2d37.7749295!3e0

She is not reasonable- but it is her choice. Make the trip into a holiday, stopping on the way there and back to visit places you've never been to, and keep smiling.

Or take the train from Denver.