Beautifully written posts above and so right about one half being ripped away. Mine was so sudden, I had no time to prepare, he went out for a good cycle ride and result was air ambulance and a policeman at the door
The ache was terrible, I had to work so hard to control the sudden rise in cortisol, which I knew was causing the rise in bp and consequential loud heart beats that were pounding in my ears at night. I knew about dying from a broken heart so I sat and gazed out of the window at swaying trees and birds. I did meditation, I listened to beautiful chanting such as gregorian chant and most of all to music by s kaur, which took me into my very soul and helped the tears to run
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQdYN3rJys4
I needed to be alone at home to process what had happened but I also needed to know that it got better or would my future have me always feeling this bad. I went on a bus to wells, sat behind two older women, obviously friends and widows. I asked them, I needed to know, yes they said, you will learn to cope with the grief. It does not get better but you learn to move on in your life
I learnt about the stages of grief and that was re-assuring, I knew when I had reached the last stage, it was when I was able to make a home for myself. I had grief wash over me the other day, not uncontrollable and I took the same measures as in the beginning and sat quietly in the moment until it passed
I stay busy all the time, 2015 it was and my youngest brother lost his wife exactly a year after, to the day, he also stays busy. Then six months later I lost my dear sister. That was three in 18 months
I feel blessed that we had 45 years married