funerals

I was going to go with pure cremations as I thought it would make it easier for my daughter. When I told her she said no. I don't have to worry about that and she wants a funeral. My husband died 17 years ago as we are atheists we had a non religious funeral. Conducted by the funeral director. No hymns just 3 pop songs and the eulogy was about my husband's life . He was 47 . It was lovely just as we wanted it . Don't believe in flowers for funerals or wakes. But asked for donations if lieu of flowers we raised over £5,000 for the cancer unit that treated him.

My advice is let your daughter's have what they want. It will make them happier and easier for them to come to terms with your death.

Funerals are for the living, if it helps them to get closure.

It is also a social custom and I know of families do things the deceased didnt want because of social or family pressure

I agree that funerals are for those who are left behind. I'd suggest talking it over with your daughters and agreeing something that you all feel comfortable with.

I've told mine that I want a woodland burial in a cardboard coffin and no funeral or ceremony. They are happy with that;they can remember me in their own way.

I used Pure Cremation for my husband. It was all handled appropriately and I am glad we had talked about it previously. Family members have planted a certain flower in our gardens that was out when he died to remember him each year. I have the ashes to be put somewhere nice later. I do not regret not having the funeral at all.

We had a Pure Cremation for my mother in law, went very smoothly. My husband & myself both want this type of direct cremation as neither of us are religious.

To all intents and purposes neither of us will have a funeral as our bodies are going for research.
The family can have the body back after 3 yrs if they want a burial.
One daughter said do what you want to do
One didn’t want to talk about it.
One was ok if the university keeps the body as it will save money on a funeral ?

Once I am dead I will not have a clue how my funeral will be handled by my children, so beyond the fact that they know I would like a woven willow coffin, not wood, I am leaving it all up to them.

I have said I don't want a funeral. However, the family are the ones whose needs really matter at that time, so I'll leave it up to them to follow that or not.

I don't want one either, don't waste money on social ceremonies. Just cremate me.

A person who passes away can be honoured in other ways.

I am all for a simple cremation without a service and I have made that clear. As I will be dead by then and unable to do anything about it I expect my children will do whatever they want.

I am paying monthly for Pure cremation. When my ashes are returned I have asked my children to scatter them at a beach I spent a lot of my childhood at, whether that be the week after they get the ashes or a year after it really won’t matter, when they are ready. Then on the way home from scattering me I want them to go and have a slap up meal and raise a glass and that will do for me ?

earnshaw Sorry, but I think your daughters are only thinking of themselves and not what you want...after all, this will be 'your' funeral and surely they can bow to your wishes one last time. In saying that, I am well aware of family situations and how difficult they can be at times.

I hope to donate my body to the local university, but they are saying they won't accept it because there won't be any NoK approval, unfortunately DS is estranged along with his narc wife so even if they were in touch I wouldn't want her taking over and making it all about her anyway (which is what she would do).

Another option I checked into was a Body Farm as you can arrange body donation while still living...but, once they have finished with the body (usually 3-5 yrs) they return the remains to the family for a funeral etc so that doesn't really help my situation. So for now, I've just had to settle on Plan B as a direct cremation and the crematorium can scatter the ashes.

Either way, I want them to play 'I am Woman' (Helen Reddy) at full volume, while the crematorium staff share Champagne that I will be provide. LOL

Leave it to your daughters. Say you wish it to be as simple as possible. They can be a comfort to the living, which is the whole purpose really.

My dearest FiL died this morning and he had purchased a Pre paid pure cremation, with my help only last month. His sons do not speak to one another and haven’t done for 50 years so I spoke to my FiL and said what would he like me to do. We will have him cremated shortly and then have a small wake at home. I will
Invite his other son and family, they won’t come but I will have done my best. I suppose they will have their own wake, who knows. A sad day for me as I loved that man more than my own father and I will miss him terribly.

I'm sorry to hear of your sad loss Scentia, but you have done him proud?

I am fine with direct cremation. Have told my son that he can arrange a bun fight for afterwards, if he wants. Also, I said that I hoped he liked me enough to feel a little bit sad, but not too much, and that he must carry on living his best life. Agree with those who said that funerals are for the living.

We will both have a Simplicity funeral.

So sorry to hear about your sad loss Scentia. You will be doing what he wanted. I am religious so want a religious funeral, though without hymns as there will be very few to sing them, but other than that I agree they are also for those left behind. However earnshaw your daughters may perhaps have difficulty with something like an unattended cremation. People do, I think, need to be able to have some tangible way of saying goodbye. Might a compromise be a woodland burial dealt with by the undertaker, and charitable donations/planting a tree in lieu of flowers? When you’ve decided, put your wishes in writing. This will ease your mind and help your daughters when the time comes, which I hope will be many years hence.

I just lost my 84 year old mother to covid last month. Mom did not have a will. He mentioned some preferences to myself but none of my siblings. But when she passed her husband had already planned her a cremation and funeral with his sister's, and without consenting any of my moms children. This was taken differently from different siblings. I personally thought it was incredibly inconsiderate of her husband-husband or not of 35 years to by pass asking anything about the funeral arrangements from her children.
One of my sibling said it is his right not to ask she was his wife. He gets to choose. Another sibling stepped in and said he was concerned about the cremation and wanted mom in a casket. Apparently it flustered an already sad and anxious widowed husband and turned out I and her other daughter could not go anyway due to the hurried funeral. We both live 1000 miles away . The funeral was less then a week after her death and I still had covid myself-caught it while staying near my mom before she passed. There was not time enough, and the chaos that arose from not having written plans was not what I wanted to be a part of.

I've given son 1 cash for a speedy private cremation for me. Son 2 knows and is accepting of this. After procedure they will then inform those on my current list of my demise. Here's hoping that will be a while off! I've told them, if they don't mourn my loss for at least 24 hours, I'll come back to haunt them. The corny jokes that ensue are predictable and that's fine. We end on a laugh.

MerylStreep

To all intents and purposes neither of us will have a funeral as our bodies are going for research.
The family can have the body back after 3 yrs if they want a burial.
One daughter said do what you want to do
One didn’t want to talk about it.
One was ok if the university keeps the body as it will save money on a funeral ?

Please be aware that you need to have a Plan B just in case the university won't accept the body at the time. This is what happened with my mother. She wanted her body to go for research, but they already had their full quota of bodies at the time and couldn't take any more. There can be any number of reasons why they might not accept a body, which is something many people don't seem to be aware of.

Blondiescot

MerylStreep

To all intents and purposes neither of us will have a funeral as our bodies are going for research.
The family can have the body back after 3 yrs if they want a burial.
One daughter said do what you want to do
One didn’t want to talk about it.
One was ok if the university keeps the body as it will save money on a funeral ?

Please be aware that you need to have a Plan B just in case the university won't accept the body at the time. This is what happened with my mother. She wanted her body to go for research, but they already had their full quota of bodies at the time and couldn't take any more. There can be any number of reasons why they might not accept a body, which is something many people don't seem to be aware of.

Blondiescot So true my late husband had his remains donated to science and it was refused as they also had their quota, so we had to go to our plan B it is stated on the original donation form that it is not gaurenteed that the University will accept the remains.

Our auntie initially wanted her body donated for research I looked into it and it was too much to bother with. So she asked me to decide what to arrange for her when she died. I chose this type of cremation for her after a dreadful long illness. The ashes were returned to me and it was my choice where I scattered them. A perfect discreet no fuss service in my opinion I arranged it myself with local funeral directors at the time no company advertised it. It’s my choice too I don’t want my family having the bother when I am gone. None of us are religious so no need for my loving family to attend any kind of service.