True friend or not ?

Hmm, it does sound as though you have been taken for granted, I'm afraid. Did you perhaps rather overwhelm this person with offers of friendship? Sorry if that is hurtful. Is she a rather private individual who prefers to keep it that way but did not know how to tell you? I too would feel hurt in your position but I think you should take the hint - she does not sound like the sort of friend you are looking for. I should look for a new friend if I were you and not someone who is planning on moving away. Hope you are soon out of hospital and feeling better.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been so poorly and I hope that you are recovering well.
Sadly life is full of people like this - there are people who are givers and people who are takers.
The best people are the givers because they will give always give because they are generous of their time and willingness to help others but other people will take advantage of this generosity as it costs them nothing to be greedy and selfish.
You have done nothing wrong but quite rightly you are hurt by this person and her cavalier, unkind and thoughtless attitude towards you. She will miss you more than you will miss her because you were a means to an end with giving her lifts etc.
She was not a friend and you must (if you can) move on and expand your friendships with other ladies in the W.I. as well as the other lady that you lunched with.
I speak from experience and still try to hold onto the values that my mum taught me - that you do things because you want to for other people not for reward.
Unfortunately, over the years I have dropped a few people from my life - as being the taken the mick out of can be wearing at times and I deserve better than that!! As do you!!

Moving can be a very stressful time. Perhaps she is focusing on the sometimes overwhelming task of settling into her new house, and hasn't really contacted anyone.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She may be thinking the same as you and wondering why you haven't contacted her asking how she is settling in.

It does sound as though she is a bit self centered though. I would wait a little bit before letting the friendship fizzle out.

sorry, but she saw you coming.
next time, don't be so quick to offer lifts, or to put yourself out.
there was no mutuality in this association, but you didn't notice, until you were of no further use to her.
when i say next time, obviously i mean with someone else. she is toast.
hope you are feeling better.

NotTooOld

Hmm, it does sound as though you have been taken for granted, I'm afraid. Did you perhaps rather overwhelm this person with offers of friendship? Sorry if that is hurtful. Is she a rather private individual who prefers to keep it that way but did not know how to tell you? I too would feel hurt in your position but I think you should take the hint - she does not sound like the sort of friend you are looking for. I should look for a new friend if I were you and not someone who is planning on moving away. Hope you are soon out of hospital and feeling better.

No she is not a private individual who prefers to keep it that way , she more than welcomed our mutual friendship when we first met and enjoyed what we did together As to her plans to move away we had decided that we would keep in touch with one another and meet up for the occasional coffee/ lunch . But her lack of thought for me while I’ve been so very ill has made me question her friendship.

Looks like she is a taker and you are a giver

Who would initiate a call and an interaction in the past?

CanadianGran

Moving can be a very stressful time. Perhaps she is focusing on the sometimes overwhelming task of settling into her new house, and hasn't really contacted anyone.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She may be thinking the same as you and wondering why you haven't contacted her asking how she is settling in.

It does sound as though she is a bit self centered though. I would wait a little bit before letting the friendship fizzle out.

She has been planning to move for the past 6 months , everything has been organised. I have been very poorly in hospital these past couple weeks so no, I’ve not contacted her to ask how she’s settling in as that’s been the last thing on my mind . She doesn’t know what’s been happening as she has not taken the least bit of notice .

Hithere

Looks like she is a taker and you are a giver

Who would initiate a call and an interaction in the past?

It would be mutual , but I did notice that she would make a point to phone me to say of an upcoming appointment where be difficult for her to get to by bus , knowing that I would offer her a lift there . Looking back , I can see I’d been used .

I really am sorry you are so poorly, and hope you feel better soon. Yes, as above would either give her a bit more time: or challenge with a phone call to ask her to visit. But it does sound as if she is just a "taker".

but definitely widen your friendships as soon as you are able.

I have only one thing to say , Can you be MY friend Cheeseplantmad ?... you sound like the type of friend everyone would like to have...

There was a time many years ago when I felt myself rather "taken over" by a gay couple who lived in the same flats. They were constantly inviting me around for meals and ringing me. I was happy to socialise with them about once a week or fortnight but as I had other things going on in my life (I was writing up my Ph.D. and working part time) I often did not pick up the call when I saw it was them. Fortunately no smart phones then. Plus we lived on different floors so they had no way to know I was actually at home when they rang.

I didnt want to end the friendship - just to keep some boundaries. Eventually their relationship broke up but I am still close friends with one of them.

Sometimes its best just to step back a bit but not destroy the bridges.

Oh dear. I'm sorry you've been so poorly and hope you're on the mend now.

I suspect your friend might have been very busy with her move and is similarly puzzled that you haven't contacted her, being unaware of your stay in hospital.

Maybe contact her now and let her know, wish her well in her new home and see if she responds?

I hope you make a full recovery from your illness. You have been used learn from it your kindness has been taken for granted.
Been there as many people have look after number one from now on accept no excuses you are worth more take care.

V3ra

Oh dear. I'm sorry you've been so poorly and hope you're on the mend now.

I suspect your friend might have been very busy with her move and is similarly puzzled that you haven't contacted her, being unaware of your stay in hospital.

Maybe contact her now and let her know, wish her well in her new home and see if she responds?

This. She would probably assume that you were OK as you have both family and social support, especially if she doesn't know you are ill.

V3ra

Oh dear. I'm sorry you've been so poorly and hope you're on the mend now.

I suspect your friend might have been very busy with her move and is similarly puzzled that you haven't contacted her, being unaware of your stay in hospital.

Maybe contact her now and let her know, wish her well in her new home and see if she responds?

I had been ill at home for couple weeks before I ended up in hospital, which were also before she moved , so she does know as I’d sent her message to say I’m now in hospital, but not heard back from her . I feel too upset to send her good wishes on her new home when she has not wised me well.

Ailsa43

I have only one thing to say , Can you be MY friend Cheeseplantmad ?... you sound like the type of friend everyone would like to have...

Thank you …I wish I had a friend like myself also..☺️

Sorry to hear about your situation and I can well understand how you feel. When I went through a difficult time in my life a couple of friends, who I had had since my youth, just dropped me because I was no longer 'available'. I had my elderly mother to put first. However, I joined the U3A and WI and have now made lots of friends for different occasions. They are now the mainstay of my social life and have brought a fresh wind of change.

Thinking again Cheeseplantmad - can you bear to give one more try? It did seem a good friendship.

If you wish her well in new home (yes, I know how hurt you feel, but who knows wha has hit her?) and invite her to visit it may come up as a plus: OTOH if you get no response, you can be really clear what is going on.

Cheeseplantmad - a true friend gives without ever expecting anything back - so have you really been a true friend to her? It seems as though you've been keeping count of everything you've done for her. 'I took her under my wing' sounds rather superior too. She's probably very busy. She may well be afraid of anything illness-related - as many people are - especially with the pandemic ongoing. Perhaps, though, she's glad to have some distance, now, from a rather overbearing friendship and is moving on?

Ouch! That’s a bit of a mean comment, Hetty. Even the most neurotic can contact sick friends from a distance, surely?

I don’t see it as the OP having begrudged the favours all along, so much as looking back now that she feels hurt. I think that some people see friendship as transient and now she’s moved on she’s probably found someone else to go for coffee with. It’s probably not personal but I can understand why you would feel upset.

This friendship sounds very lopsided to me. I think I’d back off, see her in time (when you are recovered) at the W.I. , smile and ask how her move went etc. I wouldn’t mention my hospital stay and I’d circulate more with others at the meeting. Stay being kind but not jump in to offer lifts any more.

She’s moved 20 miles away now anyway so she might not even turn up at the W.I. and the friendship might just fizzle out naturally because of this.

Is it possible that your friend has been ill herself? Could she be wondering why you've not been in touch to see how the move went? She might even be feeling that you've dropped her as she's moved away.

Hope you’re now recovering from your illness.
Sounds your friend is rather selfish to me - very hurtful. I would not contact her for now. Wait and see if she gets in touch and then decide what to do.
I felt the same when my mum died- one of my ‘best’ friends hardly acknowledged this, didn’t phone or send a card. I’ve cooled that friendship since. True friends should step up when you need them

It is odd that she didn't at least reply when you texted that you were going into hospital.
This person sounds very self-centred and I don't think I'd bother with her again.
If she contacts you just be polite but busy.