Have I done the right thing?

Don’t be consumed with guilt you have taken advice and are concerned about her well-being. I have been in the same situation and felt the same way she will be more secure now.

You cld fudge and say something like, 'Let's see how you get on here' or something like that.

It’s a very difficult situation for you but you have absolutely done the right thing

What else could you have done? Don’t feel guilty, fudge if you think it would help her settle but you know it’s one of life’s adaptation and a big one, maybe your Mum just needs time. She’s lucky to have you to care about her safety and comfort. Please don’t feel bad

This is about her safety.
She has been your number one priority thoughout.
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
It will take her time to settle, but she will be well cared for and have a bit of company too.

Of course you have done the right thing. Clearly you are a very loving and caring daughter. Your mum is in the same building and can still see her friends. I had to make similar decisions regarding my Mum , she lived with us for four years before a change had to happen! I recognize those feelings of guilt but please don't beat yourself up- your Mum is very lucky indeed to have you looking out for her.💐💐

Totally the right thing. You need to keep her safe. It sounds wonderful still being able to see her friends.It’ll probably take a while to settle, everything seems to take longer when their older. Hope she settles soon.
I can’t keep my mum safe. She’s 92 and very poorly after several bad falls, but still refusing to move. The never ending feeling of dread is terrible.

Katyj, I can totally understand how you are feeling. Seeing her bruised face in A&E after head injuries, and her suffering delusions for weeks afterwards, has been traumatic for me (and her). I think part of my guilt is down to the relief I feel now I know she is safe. I hope your Mum comes round to the idea of moving soon.

Yes I totally get it. It seems we feel guilty for everything, goodness knows why. My mum fell down the stairs in her flat last year and suffered a brain haemorrhage, she was lucky not to break anything, she was just getting over her broken hip too that led to another five month stay in rehab. It’s never ending.

Of course you've done the right thing. Once elderly people start having falls, they shouldn't be living alone.
A friend who runs an old people's home tells me that her residents soon feel glad to be safe and looked after, and their health improves.

I agree with everyone.. you have made the correct decision but I think it is crucial that you are always honest with your Mum.. so that she can trust what you say and feel secure in that trust. Tell her she won't be able to return home if she asks again.. You obviously love her very much...

she may have dementia, in which case telling the literal truth every time can cause repeated, and pointless, distress.
emphasise that it is on the same estate, so can see same people around.
distraction is often useful.
all the best.

You have to put your brain first, heart second

You have done the right thing and you will all adapt.

Being sad is natural.

Assuming she’s seeing a doctor, why not say, ‘When the doctor thinks you’re well enough again.’

Why would you feel guilty for doing the best thing for your mum?

I like Witzend's idea.
My Grandma was happy with anything her doctor wanted her to do.
Maybe you could ask your mum's GP to have a chat with her about how staying in the care home is what is best for her now.

We make the best decisions we can at the time and there is nothing to feel guilty about.

you're doing everything fine, its just a hard decision, not a bad one

I agree with everyone else - you’re doing absolutely the right thing. My mum went into a home when she was 93 and had dementia. This was 10 years ago and she passed away aged 98. I suffered from guilt (after an initial feeling of relief) about putting her in a home, but she couldn’t look after herself, was a danger to herself and others in the flat where she lived (she almost started a fire in her kitchen) and so it was the best thing. Your mum’s safety is the most important thing - although she may not see it that way and will still want her independence. It’s a very difficult situation and I really do emphasise as I have been there! Sending best wishes.

Theexwife Why would you feel guilty for doing the best thing for your mum
because she has a kind heart and can see how her mum would feel

What else could anyone do - rather than make the most sensible decision at the time? Still, we feel guilty for not doing more - or 'enough'.

It's fine to be evasive about 'going home' if that's necessary, especially if they forget (with short term memory problems) and ask every day. A neighbour's mum, with dementia, is always asking to go home - but has lived here for 70 years.

When told that she was home it would upset her. 'This doesn't feel like home' she'd say 'I want to go back to my real home!' (must be thinking of her childhood home). Now, we say she's just staying here while she can't climb the stairs - and that's quite OK with her.

Therefore, pascal30, I strongly disagree about being honest - not when it's so cruel. A tiny old lady on my mother's ward was always sobbing. She's ask her visitors where her husband was - and they'd tell her he'd died. She'd soon forget, so next time, they'd tell her again. 'I can't bear it, I just can't bear it.' she'd say.